Dear Sugar
For the past few months I've been having disturbing dreams. They consist of my husband either having "relations" with my sister or some other kind of sexual act. In each dream she gives me a smile that just breaks my heart.
Here are two examples of why I am so upset with my sister. Once, we were attending the same party and my husband decided to stay home and watch football. My sister was planning to bring her boyfriend along, but when I told her that my husband wasn't coming she remarked that it must be because he's jealous of her boyfriend.
Ew, is she kidding me? The worst part is after she said it, she walked away and gave me the same malicious, sassy smile as she did in my dream.
Another time was during Thanksgiving. Our families got together and when it was time to go I couldn't find my husband. I went looking high and low for him and eventually found him alone with my sister. Again, she flashed me that same icky smile.
I've talked to them separatley about their flirting, but nothing has changed. Lately, my sister has been wearing these super tight and short outfits around him. He loves it and she thrives on the attention. I find it disgusting!
I'm tired of having talks with the both of them about this but it seems like my mind can't let it go and that's why I am having subconscious nightmares. Sugar, how am I supposed to cope with this? Sleepless Sula
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Dear Sleepless Sula
Your husband is a flirt. Didn't you know this about him when you married him? It's pretty uncool and embarrassing for you, but unfortunately there is very little that you can do to change his behavior. Constantly nagging him will only put a strain on your relationship.
If your husband and sister are determined to have an affair, then there is nothing that you can do to stop it. Since you can't change their behavior, why not try to work on changing your reaction to it?
Take deep breaths, think of your "happy place" and do your best to let it go. Maybe this is just the nature of their relationship. But if you can't break the cycle of your jealousy, and it's all too overwhelming for you - perhaps you and your husband should seek professional counseling together.
Keep in mind that whenever we fall in love, we expose ourselves to the risk of being hurt. But you have to live your life and not obsess about things you can't control. All you can do is hope that they will do the right thing and not hurt you.
Rosato
1060 Clothes
Irregular Choice
I agree with sugar, and also, listen to your instinctive gut, what is it really telling you? do you feel deep down that something has or will happen? or are you just pissed that your own sister would do this to you (flirting with your husband)? once you figure out what you feel it really is, then you will be better prepared to take your next step, whether it's letting go of the jealousy or seeking a counsler. good luck to you.
1It sounds like your sister is the problem. Your sister and you. I don't get what your husband has done wrong, outside of your dreams.
I guarantee you if you stop obsessing over this, your sister won't have as much fun trying to get to you.
2just want to say your sister sucks...im usually good at giving advice, but this irks me to no end! she needs to grow up and realize he isnt your bf he is your husband and she needs to find her own man to play with. it isnt cool and she is acting like a jerk for enabling him by flirting with him. sorry for your horrible situation but you need to make a list of what you really want and if it makes you that uncomfortable and he wont consider your feelings than he isnt a good husband and you have to do something about it!
3go p.a.m. go p.a.m. go (said in cheerleader type chant) i agree also. the more i read that, the more pissed i get! it makes me want to call my sister and tell her i would disown her if she did something like that to me (i know she would never do anything like that though!) i mean, are this person and her sister close, were they ever, or have they always fought/been in competition/hated each other?? plus the fact that my man would do that with someone in the SAME FAMILY would piss me off even more, natural flirt or not! it's different if it's a friend (which i still wouldn't approve of very well) or an acquaintance, but your sister is drawing the line...
4Wow. You need to put them both and check and have them realize who you are. Your sister needs to realize that this is your spouse, and her behavior is getting to you. You is clearly giving signals to him that's it's ok to flirt with her. Why can'r she just say "Hey you are my sisters husband, and your behavior is not right" Instead she is fueling the fire, but going along with him. They both really suck for making you feel like this.
5PInk I agree with you and TOTALLY disagree with DearSugar. Where I come from thats the start of hanky panky between those 2. The sister should never ever lead him on or flirt back with him. She needs to respect her sister always no matter what! And the husband, if she already talked to him about flirting with her sister and how bad it makes her feel. He should stop! no drunk excuse nothing.
These 2 are fixing to end up doing something bad. I really hope not, but I dont like it one bit.
6Sleepless, like atoxx said trust your instincts and go with your gut...
I have found time and time again instincts are right on...if you feel there is something inappropriate going on, face it head on...aside from your sister's obnoxious behavior you need to see if your husband is completely innocent in all of this...if he is flirting and having private conversations with her that would bug me too...so, try to get to the bottom of it...and your sister sounds completely disrespectful!!!
7Slap the MF across his face and tell him to stay the flip away from her or ur gone. Tell ur sister to stay away from ur man or shes outta ur life. KEEP UR HUSBAND AWAY FROM HER. lol Sorry. Thats what I would do. If he is a flirt no u cant change him but u can help keep him from situations that bother u. And conseling sounds like a great idea. Make it seem like the conseling is for u. Bc u are severly jealous but its a joint thing. GL
8Yaya babes ur sooo right to. Thats the start of something and if he drinks an shes seeking the attention he doesnt have the ability to keep it from going to far. I agree with pink to. And sugar. Take from all the tips. I think mine was a little to ballsy. But honestly it would work to, bc if he doesnt care its best u know now an not 20 years down the road if he cares and she does to they will try to make u happy.
9Totally agree with you T0xx, this is no time to be nice. You gotta grab the bull by the horns and the COJONES!
10I must be missing something, y'all. The way I read this, this is one extremely jealous wife. She has plenty of concrete examples of her sister's b*tchy behavior. But, not one example of anything bad her husband does. I'm assuming his "flirting" is in her mind. The man is avoiding going to functions that her sister will be at, for god's sake!
It sounds to me like a super jealous woman, a catty sister and a (likely) miserable husband. But, like I said, you guys are all interpreting this differently than me. So, probably I'm missing something.
11Damn Jenn, that was a little rough Homegirl
12Was it? Oops, I didn't mean to be.
13lol Jenn. I just dont like the fact that he was in the room with her they were "close" and he backed away from her when she came in the room. Im a jealous woman Ive told yall that, but if any of his actions make her jealousy flare being married to her he should be more then willing to help ease her mind.
14Jen, put yourself in that situation. If my man and sister were acting like that with one another, I think you may be a little curious about it. I can' see why her husband is "miserable."
15Im coming from a place to where Ive been there Ive had those dreams and those feelings were right just in a different sense. My battle was with porn not a relative to so I know Id be slapping some faces lol
16Oh, I didn't catch that as bad. LOL I'd be a cheating scum's wet dream as I am soooo not jealous. None of that would even raise an eyebrow for me.
But, maybe I'm that way because my husband is 100% trustworthy. You could put him in a room with a naked chick, and I'd have faith in him.
17t0xx, if the b*tchy sister comment was supposed to be over here, I totally agree. The sister sounds like a piece of work!
18I think the sister is about ready to catch a beatdown. I am sure that she knows sooo much better than that. Skank!
19Bye, guys! I'm off for now. And, if I come across that sister, I'll give her a piece of our mind.
20LOL Jenn, Goodnight
21I will gladly bite the sister's ankles
22LOL what a bad sister, maybe the sister is jealous of her relationship with her hubby
23I agree with the comment about slapping your sister (or was it husband) in the face and telling both of them they are out of your life if they don't stop. You don't need either of them if they treat you that way. UNACCEPTABLE.
24what a retch of a sister...this is so wrong! Has it not been said that blood is thicker than water...better "Q" your sister in on this, or better yet, your hubby...WTF?? I am totally at a loss here, my sister and I would never do such a thing, it is truly a shame!
25Kylake, you're awesome.
26slap the s--- out of both of them. totally inappropriate. ewww.
27Ewwwww, it sounds like your sis is a skank sorry to be blunt. Nobody should try to steal their siblings mate, it's just wrong.
28Your sis is horrible! Im gonna be totaly honest with u, i feel given the chance they will jump in the sack, its a terrible feeling i know but it sounds as though they deserve eachother. Your husband shouldnt be giving u these doubts and your sis should in no way be flirting with your husband, it is unacceptable! I think shes jealous of u, if i were u id show that it did not bother and laugh when she flirts and act indifferent to her, do not show her it bothers u because then she wins.. play this game and she will back off! Fingers crossed!
29Sis is a skank. She's probably not even genuinely attracted to the husband; it sounds like she's just doing it to get under her sister's skin.
There's no "hoping they'll do the right thing and not hurt you" in that kind of equation.
30Well the headline implies that it is the husbands behavior that is the problem. I think there is something wrong with her sister. She is trying to piss off the wife. She doesn't mention any sibling rivalry or history of such, but seriously there has to be something. Sister needs to be cut off. No more having "talks" with her as they only fuel her fire. The sister is getting off on upsetting her and makes it obvious with the "icky" smile. Stop letting sis come over and avoid going to any functions with her.
31Oh.MY.God. That has made me so angry! I do not agree with Dear sugar at all. Your sister and your husband's behaviour is innapropriate.. I would have seriously lost my temper with both of them by now.. you need to be more assertive girly.. what they are doing is not cool.
32And this probably isn't the best way to deal with things, but husband or not, if he was mine I would have broken up with him by now.
33wanna flirt with your sister's boyfriend?
34can you say something sternly and curt that will help your sister get the message? maybe you can deflect - stop you are making me jealous.
Your sis is jus jealous of you Sula, jus keep it in mind that your husband is married to you not her... why dont u openly flirt with ur own husband infront of her....jus be all lovey dovey..its more like u are drawin ur territory, jus pamper ur husband and that will give him good reasons to stay with u and love u more and certainly annoy your sis...till she becomes uncomfortable......bein moody and worried will jus make u grumpy and annoyn and "legitimise" ur husband's disgustin lustful ideas...ur sis needs to know there are some boundaries u cant cross...pls act like u dont care what she does...no matter what she does, he is married to YOU not HER..give her some attitude too girl
35I think your sister is being so disrespectful to you! She should see what is like not to have you around she's being very ungrateful I would not speak to my sister if she did that to me. And your husband should pay more attention to your needs. How would he like it if you would flirt with his brother or his friends? I'm sure he'd be fuming! Maybe when you're talking to him you're not being direct enough you have every right to stand your ground.
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