Just take it slowly and one day at a time. People of different beliefs get married all the time, and live "happily ever after." Don't let all the what-ifs ruin what's a good thing right now.

This is a discussion you need to have with him, on how serious he is about his religion. For example, if you have children with him, will he expect them to be raised in church? If so, will that bother you? I myself am a Christian and have in the past dated people from a variety of religions. It can be tough to find a middle ground with that person, it can be done, but it needs to be done calmly and with respect to both individuals.

I agree w/ both posters. It can be worked out. I'm Catholic, I came from a devout Catholic background and I have been very active in that religious community as well as my parents. My husband is...I'd call him...agnostic, although at times he strongly has disagreement when it comes to Christianity.

We're working it out, and my parents although at first have had their hesitation, they've accepted that he's not Catholic, although right now they hope that our son will be raised Catholic. But when the times come (to have baptism, etc), my hubby said that he doesn't mind at all if my son goes to church, be a Christian, etc. So he's easygoing about it. And I don't try to change his view about religion myself, so everything works okay.

This is so personal, right up there with political preference and career choices (salary), etc. My husband and I are both athiest. His mom is fairly religious (saying grace at mealtimes and thanking God for this and that). We both are silent during "amens" and have never told her, and never will. She asked me once where I stood on religion and I told her I was born Protestant and left it at that. She never pushed, thankfully. It's been 2 years and so far, so good. I can only hope that now that really knows me, she'd accept my views and not judge me.

About kids and religion...also very sensitive, given that children can be so easy to manipulate with story books and movies. I left it up to both of my kids after they turned 8. The experts on this subject have mainttained that before 8 years old kids can't tell the difference between a story and reality with total understanding (this is what I've read, T. Berry Brazelton and John Rosemond to name two, but please correct me if I've misquoted!) I let them know how I felt and gave them the choice of seeking any religion, gave them basically a list and explanation of beliefs and rituals for each one (big job!) and honestly let them decide for themselves. They were a bit older (11-12 years old) by the time they made their choices. I didn't push my views on them, and when they made their decisions I accepted them. It was also easier for me to do this because I was a single mom and didn't have their dads' family taking part in the formation of their beliefs.

Not to me...

I dont think it should be an issue unless you guys make it one. If his family judges you based soley on your religious stance then let them. Some people are very judgemental (ive found that the most judgemental people are infact usually the people who call themselves christians) and dont understand how someone could believe anything different from them. If thats how they are, then thats how they are, you cant let it effect your relationship. If they decide that they dont like you because you are athiest, then that says more about them than it does you. My bf and I are both agnostic, but I still feel its important for a child to be raised with knowledge about different religions, so that they can make up their own mind. He knows that when we have kids, I want them to go to church to learn about these things, so that they can have open minds towards different religions.(while I dont believe that everything in the bible really happened as it is written, i do think it teaches good morals and values) But My BF does not ever want his children to go to church. Finally we decided that (if/when) we have kids they will go to church, but he is not coming with. And thats ok with us. But, I think you should definatly figure out how your kids will be raised (catholic or not) before you start having them, otherwise it will probably turn into a huge problem. Good luck!

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.-Ron White

For once I agree with Luisamapacha. Take it easy. Religion is not what defines a relationship and there are tons of relationships out there with each partner having their own beliefs. My best friend is gay and even though the Catholic church thinks gays are an abomination, he still attends church every Sunday, says his prayers and celebrates the holidays. His boyfriend on the other hand is completely against the church for treating them as such and refuses to EVER step a foot into a church, but they work with these differences. As long as you can respect his beliefs and him yours then your individual beliefs shouldn't be a problem. As far as his parents go, sit down with them and talk to them straight. Tell them that you are an atheist and why you're an atheist. Also tell them that you don't want to change that (unless you do, which can happen in some cases). If they are open minded people they will understand. Good luck.

If it doesn't bother your bf, and it doesn't bother you, then it may not be an issue. As far as his parents are concerned, provided he'd stick up for you and defend your right to believe what you want to believe, you're all set.

However, I would caution you to make sure that your bf doesn't have it in his head that he can save you. If he's a devout christian, that idea will be very tempting to him!!

My brother was an atheist and he married a christian, agreeing to raise the children in his wife's faith. Flash forward over 15 years later, and guess what... he's going to church now and has moved from atheist to agnostic.

As for the issue of potential children, it is a lot easier to raise children in a single religion. It is also less confusing to the children; some kids are fine with it, some kids have temperaments that make it very confusing - no matter how carefully you handle it. If you and your bf get to the stage where you are talking about marriage, please do talk this through in great detail.

I doesn't matter to ME because neither my boyfriend nor I are have very strong religious beliefs. Anyways, even if we did, we are both two different people who are both entitled to our own thoughts and beliefs and I am sure we would respect what the other thinks

My fiance's family are devout Catholics, and I am Christian, though really don't practice it much anymore. I still respect and observe things they do, and am marrying in the Catholic church, but it does not bug me nor are they forcing me to be catholic. It is possible to work it out. I have no issue raising my children Catholic.

I am agnostic, and I dated someone once who had a religious family. I just went to church with them when I was visiting and didn't bring up my beliefs. I did that for my boyfriend and for his mom, and mostly because I just didn't care enough about being agnostic to stamp my foot down and refuse to go.

I'm not saying that's the right way to go about it, but for me, since I really don't care about religion one ounce, it doesn't matter if to me if I have to suffer through a church service twice a year.

Things to consider, though, are how you'll raise your kids etc. I tend to agree to take it slow. However, after reading a recent post on here where a woman found out her husband wasn't as religious as she wanted AFTER they got married, I will say that at some point you definitely need to tackle this head on and come to an understanding.

If you are visiting over Christmas or something, are you willing to go to church with them? I go to church with my boyfriends' family and I think it makes a difference... I feel like it shows them respect, and I know they appreciate it.
But ultimately I think it depends on the family. Some parents are really close-minded and it could be a HUGE issue (thinking of my friend.. her sister didn't name her son after a saint, and thus the baby's grandmother refused to call him by his name).. but some families are pretty open and after adjusting, it's not a problem.

these things matter to me. but if you and homeboy are cool with it, then who cares.

but before y'all get all serious and move in and invest 5 years together, i urge you two to talk about how you see your future and raising kids, etc.

I agree with popgoestheworld. This can work if you both have respect for each other.
But you will need to talk about the future, since there will be things he and his family will want that you might not agree with, such as how to raise the kids.

He might be teaching the kids about the bible, and your child might ask, "But how come mommy doesn't pray?" Or telling them that it is important to go to church every Sunday, when you go only a few times a year to show respect for his beliefs.

I personally would be iffy on this one, but I think with a lot of respect and flexibility, it can be done.

I personally think it matters. Especially if it's a serious relationship headed towards marriage. Both my husband and I have the same beliefs and values and hope to pass that along to our unborn child.

If his family is very religious like you said they are, it will be a big deal to them that you are an atheist. Most devout parents want their children to marry someone of the same religion. But they might be more liberal and not think that's it's a big deal. You need to talk to his mom in private and see how she reacts. Then go from there.

It doesn't matter one bit to me. My boyfriend knows what I think about religion and he is OK with it. I don't know why I should be discriminated against if I don't think or believe like another human does. I love my boyfriend for who he is, not what he believes in. So the answer to this post is if you want to marry him and have a life with him, pull your weight and go to church with his family like once or twice a year. Not that big of a deal. If you don't think you can handle going to church then just talk to him about it and tell him like it is. You could also have him do something in return for going to church with his family.. like a trade off.

I think your best bet is to ask your man these questions. His parents might feel the same way he does where it doesn't matter to them. If he thinks it will matter but you see yourself with him for the long run you might want to get the conversation with the parents over with now, that way everyone can move on and all will be forgotten sooner or later (hopefully!)If it really is a problem for his parents but not for him(even knowing his parents position) then just try to avoid religious conversations in the future. I don't think it has to be that big of a deal.

"He might be teaching the kids about the bible, and your child might ask, "But how come mommy doesn't pray?" Or telling them that it is important to go to church every Sunday, when you go only a few times a year to show respect for his beliefs."

I think its more important to teach children to be open minded and respectful of everyone beliefs than to tell them "this is right and this is wrong and you are going to hell if you dont pray"

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.-Ron White

Don't believe this poppycock, religion is one of the big three. Sex, Money, and Religion are the things most blamed for marriage failure. You will at some point want to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. You can't go through your life hiding who you are, its doomed to failure. I have seen many people who took up religion for show or to get along and it bred resentment over the long haul. This is like about a 20% chance relationship, You want to base your happiness and life on such slim odds, its hard enough when a 8 cylinders are firing, you don't need to start out with an engine that only promises to get you half way there.

My husband and I are both agnostic, but he went to church when he was younger. His parents know how I feel, I think he just avoids putting a label on it when it comes to his mom (his dad isnt religious).
It was slightly weird when we got married bc his grandparents wanted us to use a minister that they knew. We went to see him and got a REALLY judgemental vibe from him- bascially he wanted us to tell him we would go to church and raise our children in the church, which I was not willing to do, neither was my husband. We ended up using an internet minister (he was awesome AND he went to a real school of theology and had his doctorate in religious studies), but I left it up to hubby to explain to the parents and grandparents why we didnt use the minister they wanted.

Honestly there are going to be times when it comes up- certain holidays (if you live nearby or are staying with them) the wedding(getting married in a church, using their minister) and when you have kids (christening). Other than that I dont imagine it will really be a huge deal- of course those few times when it will come up can become extremely awkward. We were invited to go to church with them for Easter, we said we would join them for lunch afterwards.
The most important thing would be that he supports you in your beliefs, so if going to church makes you uncomfortable- he should never pressure you to go.

Since your dilemma hinges on his family's opinion on the matter, there's really only one thing to do - find out what they really do think. If he's serious about marrying you, it should be up to him to bring up the matter with his family and to discuss it with them. If your religious differences are okay with you and him, it's very possible that his family will accept it as well. If they don't... well, welcome to the world of in-laws! If what his family thinks is enough to drive the two of you apart, then maybe it wasn't meant to be anyways.

Susan Teufel

you said:
My fiance's family are devout Catholics, and I am Christian.

Catholics ARE Christians too.

One is Protestant, the other Catholic. Don't EVER say a Catholic isn't a Christian, I made that mistake once and have never lived it down..lol

I forgot to leave my comment...

I was born Protestant and my husband Catholic. Through many years of searching, I am now an Atheist, all though the word sounds so dirty to me. I hate to call myself that, but I don't know anther word for it. I was raised believing it meant an evil person.

My husband is now unsure what to believe. We have had long talks about why I feel the way I do. He opened up about a lot of things that had happened to him while in the Catholic church so he's very unsure of what he wants to believe.

His family are devote Catholics. We went on a business trip together out of the country last year and his family watched our children for us. When we came back the kids were asking about God, Jesus, going to hell, and wanting to pray and such. I felt like my in-laws had put stories into the minds of my 4 and 5 yr old. I didn't want them to be told of Religion in that way. I wanted them to be a little older so they could make their own decision, not a decision that was forced upon them and in such a way that if you didn't believe in Jesus, you were going to a place called hell.

It scared my children.

If your boyfriend loves you for you, then I wouldn't worry about the relationship. I would talk to him though, and ask him how you will handle talking about religion with his family and if children were to come from the relationship, what would be told them about religion.

I would respect his wishes if he would want the children to learn his religion, but I would also teach them that not everyone believes what their father believes is true and they have a choice to decide what beliefs they wanted to believe. I would ask them to look inside themselves and decide which belief system felt more right.

my mom and dad are of different religions. both of them have compromised a little and it worked out. i'd wait until its serious enough that you're both talking about a long future together and then talk about how you want to raise kids, etc. i don't think its that big a deal though.

i dot think religion or race should matter at all in a relationship.

I am the product of a biracial relationship, and my opinon is, be with who you love. No matter what race or what religion that person should happen to be.