kind of sounds to me like he was very nervous and cracked under the pressure that was put on him by your parents, and himself. i'd forgive him, but maybe he should offer an explanation and apology to your parents for lying to them

I say forgive...if you've been with him six months, have you caught him in other lies? Was he smooth when he lied to your parents? I agree with merie, it could have just been a one-time thing under that pressure, and at least he didn't go fully into fantasy land and make up jobs that never happened. I would be more concerned about what kind of liar he was when you knew he wasn't being honest - if he seemed good and practiced at it, then yeah, that's a red flag.

Also, hindsight being 20/20 and all, I probably would've prepped him on the drive over to the parents and told him they already knew he was unemployed and they were okay with it, that way he felt more comfortable at the meeting because I can understand how that made him feel self-concious.

Well I marked "Not Forgive" because that was a pretty lame thing to do. But on second thought, all he was trying to do was impress your parents. He went about it in a really bad way, but I think his heart was in the right place. I know when my mom's not happy with my boytoy, she doesn't say a word about it in his presence but later I have to hear all about it as though it's my fault. My mom's a doctor too so I know how high pressure career parents can be and tend not to be very open-minded to "alternative" careers. I think he was trying to spare you that stress(okay, himself too.) He DOES owe your parents an apology. If he lets them know how worried he was about them liking him, they may feel bad for him and forgive too.

I say forgive unless he has a history of lying to you. This seems like one of those situations where one just cracks in the moment. It sucks to be unemployed or feel less than perfect in the face of pressure and sometimes a long explanation is just too hard.

Of course forgive! Meeting the parents is hard enough, but if you're the guy, it's even worse b/c you have to own up to their expectations of what their daughter should be dating. And if you have to go in there sans job, sans career in tact, then it just is crippling to that first impression (even if your parents were aware, which YOU should have told him:). He wanted to impress them for you, and so that he didn't have to fight his way for them to believe in him like you had. I think that YOU should be the one who is forgiven in this situation, (1) for blowing up at him, and (2) for introducing him to your parents when he obviously felt so inadequate about not having a job. Typically males should be the providers, so in that stereotypical role, he's the deadbeat boyfriend who is mooching off of you (what it would seem to most parents, thinking of their baby girl and a guy without a job). So i completely understand his point and fears, and inclination to fabricate...plus he's probably feeling awful on a normal basis if he brought up his last job, which shows underlying feelings of inadequacy in your relationship for him not having a job.

Umm yess forgive!! Give the man a break he was nervous....

aww give the guy a break. trying to impress parents is hard. when my husband first met my parents, he didnt necessarily lie, just exaggerated the truth....anything to make them like him. but its ok as long as i knew... =)

but because of the awkward incident with ur parents, he should probably explain his situation to ur parents and tell them what made him lie.

FORGIVE!! The poor guy just wanted to make a good impression. But yeah, maybe have him talk to your parents and explain himself.

I'd forgive him. I totally understand why he lied. I wouldn't do it, but i do see why.

he felt inadequate, so he beefed up and stretch the truth. atleast he didn't say he was a Junior Exec at an advertising agency, when he was only an marketing assist. in the real past.

my main thing is; Why didn't he tell you the plan BEFORE he lied?!

then he would've known you told your parents he was a bit on the bummy side (joke). or if he had told you the plan, then you could've lied with him.

no teamwork at all. (shakes head)

if i were in his shoes, i wouldn't even want to meet the parents yet. who wants to go;

"hi, i'm screwing your daughter, and i'm an x-ray tech student. and i have ZE-RO DO-LLARS AND FIF-TEEN CENTS in my bank account. judge me now."???

i mean, that sounds like an exaggeration, but that's how he sees it playing out in his head.

If you'd seen my BF when he first met my parents, you'd kiss the ground that yours walks on. He curled up in a ball in the guest bedroom and whined that it was "a total nightmare" for 5 days. I'm pretty sure my parents heard him go "aaaaaargh I can't stand this I am only doing this because I love you I would like to diiiiiiiiiie" every morning. So, please, forgive the kid. He was just trying too hard. Tell them to give him a break too... they should know. Doesn't your Dad remember when he met your mom's parents?

i'd say forgive, unless you've caught him in other lies. i think it sounds like he was just very nervous about meeting your parents and wanted to make a good impression, but went about it in the wrong way. your parents do deserve an explanation, though.

Absolutely forgive. He didn't want your parents to not like him or think you could do better. That's a different kind of lie than telling you he's staying home and meeting another girl.

Forgive the poor guy! My boyfriends parents are really rich and sort of stuck up. It was intimidating meeting them for the first time (unemployed at the time) so I lied a bit. He was alright with it because he knew that his parents could be sort of judgmental. He was probably having a panic attack from the interrogation and it was a big enough move that he even met them.

I'm somewhat undecided. I value a man's honesty and courage to be himself around friends and family. To me, it shows a lot of maturity and personal growth. He knows who he is, what he isn't, and what his future goals are. I'm really very happy that my husband does not cower below my parents and but instead chooses to remain their equal. My parents actually admire this about him. He does not try to impress them but impresses them regardless because of his true character, integrity, and ambitions.

Your boyfriend really wasn't in a bad position to begin with as a hardworking student studying to become an x-ray technician. Additionally, nothing is wrong with him staying home while he finishes his education. He really should have some self-pride instead of being ashamed.

Lastly, as many others have said, this case of lying is probably a one-time thing. And, well, it's a pretty big lie to some of the important people in your life. I would have him apologize to your parents with an explanation. If he refuses, well, I'd have vote 'not forgive'.

Not Forgive. I think you should listen to your parents. Only because after you confronted him about the lie he tried to blow it off. I think your seeing a side of his character that you should pay attention to. Also it says something that you are questioning what else he's probably lied about. I totally understand being under pressure and wanting to impress the parents but the fact that he couldn't man up and admit he was wrong is a big red flag.

P.S. Why didn't you tell him that you already told your parents he wasn't working? But you know what I think this was a blessing in disguise.

well he probably has lied to you about other things, just look out.

you should forgive I mean it is understandable that he was nervous and created this lie. But I think maybe he should apologize to your parents and tell them the truth and that he was very nervous and he wanted them to like him and stuff. good luck.

Forgive but be cautious.

Also, you should have told him your parents were fine with him being unemployed. Then the pressure would have been off and he could have just been himself. Now if it turns out he lies again about other things, give him the boot!

Although I don't see it, my dad is apparently very intimidating to boys I date, and a few of them have cracked under pressure. One of them started telling him his GPA, his SAT score, etc. when all my dad asked what he wanted to study....so I think this happens fairly often...

Did you already tell him what you'd told them about him? If not, he was probably just trying to save face. I can't help but be a little amused by this, as it was all pretty innocent. Can't blame him for trying, though, just as much I can't blame them for being upset.

Tell your parents what happened (as if they couldn't guess). I'm sure they've stretched the truth to make themselves look good at least once, and they'll probably understand and give him a second chance.

After that (or before that), tell him that he doesn't have to prove himself to anyone. Make sure he knows that you are with him because YOU like him, not because he's impressive to your parents. Then, try letting him know what the story is the next time you want him to meet someone, that way, you'll both be on the same page.

Not Forgive. This is a red flag. He is very immature and insecure. Also, he lied to your parents?? That's disrespectful. He embarrassed himself (and you).

Seriously, if this was me, I would have dumped him. He has a big character flaw -- it's a deal breaker.

You could've told him that you'd informed them of his profession. What was the point in not telling him?
Poor communication. His intentions were good, his method, maybe not so much. And even if you hadn't told your parents, he was probably hoping it'd be a secret between the two of you.

I'm surprised so many people would "forgive" this man's behavior. He pretended to be someone he's not to impress her parents. That's tantamount to lying on a resume. He's a fraud.

Also, afterwards, he showed no remorse. To him, being a fraud is okay behavior. Why should the OP trust someone like that?

This is a sign for trouble to come. I wouldn't recommend forgiving and overlooking this. Well, JHMO.

I would usually have said "forgive", but after some first hand experience with a guy like this, I'm siding with meike and GlowingMoon. I recently broke up with a "great" guy (as in, great in every other respect) after a year together because of repeated lying about similar kinds of things, sometimes worse.

The thing that got me: he could never own up and take responsibility for the lie. He'd deny it until he was blue in the face, and downplay the importance when he couldn't deny it any longer. It is a MAJOR character flaw, and something that doesn't just go away if they've gotten used to using it as a way to make their lives easier on themselves.

I want a man with integrity too, someone who's sure of themself and what they're about. This selfish lying and insecurity isn't just unattractive, it's often a habit.

Forgive if you really want to and it's his first offence I guess, but stay vigilant. Of course, constantly wondering when your guy is telling the truth or not is no way to have a relationship. Honestly, you sound too good for him.

And about the "he was only nervous, give him a break" argument. Yes, of course he was nervous, but that's still no excuse for such a blatant lie. This is how it starts. It's all about him trying to save his own skin, nevermind that a girl very badly wants him and her parents to get along and have a good relationship. Nevermind that she might be embarrassed and put in a difficult situation, as long as he got out of his tight spot! It usually carries over to other areas of his life (and why not, if he saw this situation as reason enough to lie).

Sorry for posting twice, but I know what I went through during the past year, and it's no way to live. Please tread carefully!

i would totally forgive him. i don't understand why you didn't tell him that you had already informed your parents about his situation.

you let him go into the meeting totally nervous when he didn't need to be! i can understand why he did it.

Forgive!

Forgive but with a side of caution. Just make sure he doesn't start telling lies whenever he gets nervous. Some people feel the need to constantly inflate their qualifications to get others to like them. If this becomes a pattern, then it might be time to find someone else. But if this genuinely was a one-off mistake, then let it go and consider yourself lucky that he cared that much about impressing your parents.

Uh, it's me again.

Once again, I'm surprised that some posters think that the OP should have notified her boyfriend that she already informed her parents about his situation. Call me crazy, but maybe she presumed her boyfriend was going to be truthful. She didn't think they had to "get their stories straight."

I'm really surprised so many people would forgive this kind of a thing.

Yeah, he was nervous. So freaking what? I'm nervous every time I meet someone new, but I don't fabricate a second life to impress them. He sounds too insecure to be in any relationship. You said yourself that it seemed like more of a macho thing. HUGE red flag.

And people are saying you're partly to blame for not informing him beforehand? Yeah, shame on you for assuming he wouldn't morph into someone different just to save face (that's sarcasm).

You're boyfriend sounds like a weenie, in my opinion. And even if he isn't your parents are totally reasonable for not liking him after this kind of incident.

i'm not saying she should have notified him so they could "get their stories straight," i'm saying she should have told him so he could have relaxed and been more comfortable during their first meeting.

the poster herself says her parents are fairly intimidating, so why wouldn't she want to take some pressure off her boyfriend for their meeting?

Ladies, Its quite amusing how the words "insecure", "immature", "BIG red flags", "big character flaws" come up under EVERY single post.

Then nicely followed with a "DUMP HIM, DUMP HIM" shout out.

Come on!

Are we all PERFECT people who are completely secure within ourselves with NO flaws? I strongly think not.

Love is a two way thing. Its a give and take. If you are looking for Mr. PERFECT with no flaws then you better be Ms. PERFECT. The guy should be willing to change the lying part though.

Finally can we start giving REAL advice rather than just saying "dump him, dump him" every single time? It is quite childish.

Personally, I think the guy should not have lied. If he had felt uncomfortable he shouldnt have agreed to meet the parents just yet.

In general I give 3 count rules on the very important things.
Just tell him you love that he wanted to impress your parents and you really appreciate that, but make it clear that you didnt like the lying part. If he does it again in a similar situation, give him a last warning.

All in all though, there is nothing wrong with insecurity or anxiety. I suffer those from time to time and I am not ashamed of them. The most important thing is for good character to shine through at the most important times.

Good luck!

If the very nature of the post is "should I forgive him?" (with the implication being that NOT forgiving him is the equivalent to breaking up with him), I think that people saying "dump him" is merely answering the question that was asked.

And just because you wouldn't break up with someone over this, others might, and be well justified. We all have our deal breakers, and lying is as good of a deal breaker as any I've come across.

Personally, I was undecided. It certainly could have been a one time thing, but I feel that anyone who has the ease to just move into a completely made up life/story has to have done it before and will likely to it again. But that is just me, and my experience has been that people who lie about things for selfish reasons will continue to lie about things for selfish reasons.

LOL @ Happiness80.

"Personally, I think the guy should not have lied. If he had felt uncomfortable he shouldnt have agreed to meet the parents just yet."

Why don't you give some "real" advice? The reality is that he DID lie, and DID agree to meet the parents. What now?

Your post is ironic.

@ popgoestheworld: I am not just talking about this post, but on this website in general. We are a bit "trigger-happy" in my view.

According to the poster the guy lied that he was still working at his old job even though that had stopped. All in all there is not enough information here - after six months of "work" and after getting to the BIG "meet-the-parents" stage to say "ewwww...big character flaw" - DUMP.

Maybe I am taking this a bit personal because in the past I have been pressured by jealous "friends" to unnecessarily dump a really great guy - something that I now deeply regret. Anyway, that is all in the past

@ glowingmoon: i did give advise in 34 though.

"@ glowingmoon: i did give advise in 34 though."

Yes, you did. Sorry, I missed that.

Also, I regret what you gone through. That's tragic, and I hope you're at a good place now.

Lol, I don't necessarily think 'unforgive' is the equivalent of 'dump him'. I do have to reemphasize that lying, to make one's self look better than he or she really is, is an immature behavior. Learning to be comfortable with one's own skin enough to tell the truth is a sign of maturity. Being nervous and insecure is one thing but actually lying because a person can't own up to who they are?

He could have chosen to be viewed by her parents as an honest man with more ambitions and a few insecurities. Instead, because of his lies, her parents will remember him as the one insecure liar who made a butt of himself during their first dinner.

And, like GlowingMoon stated, I don't feel it's the OP's fault for not informing him a bit more about what she told her parents about him. How wrong is it to assume your man will be himself and tell the truth? Sure, if she had told him prior, it would have alleviate some of his nervousness and he probably wouldn't lie. However, she didn't and an ugly characteristic showed up. Where's the self-respect?

Forgive unless you see anymore lying.

I agree with GlowingMoon.

This is a red flag, and you should be cautious. You can forgive if you ever so wish, yes, he was nervous. But it wasn't right for him to lie in any event.

I also don't think she she should have told him that she let her parents know about his current predicament. He should have told the truth!

i said 'not forgive' as it just doesn't sit well with me. if he can't deal with how his life is (which sound ok to me anyway - studying and being sensible by living at home thus avoiding racking up debt) then he should take action, not lie about it. if my boyfriend lied to my parents to make himself sound better (or for any reason really) i wouldn't be able to respect him and that's not a good basis for a relationship.

I'm undecided. If he doesn't realize his mistake then there is a problem. I can understand that he was nervous, that's normal, but it's no excuse for lying. Plus he should be so self confident to say, yes I am unemployed but I am finishing school to get a better job. I would talk to him again when you are both calm and tell him why it bothers you what he did. If he doesn't understand or see that he made a mistake, then you have a problem.

I am a little torn to be honest. One of my biggest pet peeves is people that lie about stupid things. There is nothing wrong with going to school to improve your life and he lied about it so I would lump this into the category of stupid things to lie about. I think you could have done more to make this meeting a little less stressful for him you know your parents intimidate people so maybe it would have been nice for you to tell him on the way there you had told your parents all about him and what he is going to school to do. I do think he made a mistake but I think you can lean towards forgiving him unless he is a giant liar about other things.

if this was a one-time thing in terms of the lying, i wouldn't worry about it too much. the poor dude was just nervous about meeting the parents. the OP admitted that her parents were intimidating with high-profile jobs, so who wouldn't be scared/nervous?

and well, it wasn't an OUTRAGEOUS lie... it wasn't like he said he was in med school to be a doctor. he talked about a job he had in the past. if i were the OP i'd just explain to the parents that he's not untrustworthy, he was NERVOUS. he's human, after all. and humans make mistakes.

I would go with his track record here. if you think this was the only thing he's lied about, maybe you should let it go. it sounded like he wanted to impress your parents, and while what he did was stupid, at least the sentiment was sweet.
He should find some way to make it up to your parents, though.

On the fence with this one. He panicked, and wanted to impress them. That does not make him untrustworthy. The only thing I would worry about... how easily did he lie? If it was very easy for him, no faltering, almost casual. I might be concerned.

I think you should forgive him. It's always nerve-racking for a boyfriend to meet his girlfriend's parents, and it's understandable that he wanted to make himself seem like a better match for you. If he hasn't lied about serious things before, then I think you should forgive him.

I think you should also talk to your parents since you say that now they see him as untrustworthy. Tell them that he was worried that he would make the wrong kind of impression if he said he was unemployed, after all, it is understandable, since your parents both have high profile jobs.

I think he still has other chances to prove to your parents that he's a good catch

Good luck!