This is something I wrote for someone that was (or is) "special" and my life seems like on hold because of him. The worst of all, I have a boyfriend and this is my feelings for another boy. This is really killing me, because I see him often. I guess I really need help this time.
"I know we promised to forget and to move on, I know we say that we are not supposed to be made for each other, I know we are too different... but my heart does not understands that. That is why I cant keep going with my life, feeling as miserable as I am now because I cant have you.
You took away a big part of me, and you can ask me if I want it back and my answer would be "no", what I want it has been denied by unfortunate events. But it hurts, really deep inside me, where pain cannot longer be described. I wish I had the power to heal both you and me
But you left me at some point, you chose another path where I could not follow you and when you wanted me back it was already too late. I hate the way you see me now because there is no way back on the decisions we took, and its so frustrating 'cause my heart still belongs to you, but we cant be together cause our time was up long time ago.
You are asking me to let you, but you wont let me go either... so where does that leave us?
Maybe my lame ass complains cannot really describe all my suffering, maybe this song can tell you what I'm trying beyond my tears
COLDPLAY
"The Hardest Part"
And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start
I could feel it go down
Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out
And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part
I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it’s all about
I wonder what it’s all about
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it's just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and it’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah that’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
I'm sorry... I still love you, I really wish I could work it out, but I don't see solutions here. I'm sorry. I'll just be here waiting on answers for this broken heart."
Sonia Rykiel
Shu Uemura
Paul Smith
Whether or not you start dating the guy you wrote this to, you need to break up with your boyfriend NOW. It's not fair to him that you are staying with him even though you care about someone else.
1I started seeing someone else when I was still hurt over a breakup with another guy. I don't think it's bad to stay with this current boyfriend unless you are majorly lying to your boyfriend about this ex.
I have been in your shoes before and you know what, time will heal you, but only if you truly want to move on. And you can't just pay lip service to wanting to move on, you really have to want to.
And the thing is, for whatever reason, you and this guy aren't going to work. I'm not sure why because you didn't elaborate, but it's obvious it's not happening. Nothing is more romantic than a love that you cannot have. Sometimes we are in love with the idea of what love is, and we think love is this ache that we feel.
To me it seems like you are just mourning something that was lost and that aching feels like you have lost the love of your life. But he isn't the love of your life. If he were, you both wouldn't have done all this stuff to make it impossible to be together.
So if you really don't think you'll ever get back with him, just cut him off right now and don't send that letter to him. Chances are you have already said all those things to him already and nothing changed because of it. If you keep him in your life you'll keep torturing yourself.
I have the most beautiful letters of my life from this guy I dated, and I wrote the most beatiful letters to him. Filled with lyrics of sad, sad songs. We said the same things over and over, but at the end, it was always the same. We were over, we weren't going to work, and we needed to move on.
It was extremely hard because words and emotions are seductive. But in the end, saying good-bye was the only way to go. And trust me, your feelings will fade...
2It is so hard. You do need to take time to get over him because this could linger for a LONG time. I have been there and always thought - what if...... Try to find some kind of closure. The past is the past - it is okay to remember it, but don't dwell on it, we can't change what happened. Good Luck.
3~~~ Niki ~~~
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