I reckon you have a tendency to overcompensate for what's lacking(as in when it's good you ignore what's bad about the relationship). Also, betrayal doesn't go away with someone asking you to get over it. It's a relationship land mine that can stay for good if not dealt with.

That's the problem with cheating...

YOU have to make up your mind...either you forgive him and move on, or you don't forgive him and move on without him.
But unfortunately you cannot have it both ways, you can't forgive him but still bring it up. He probably isn't so much mad at you bringing it up as he is mad that he is constantly reminded of a terrible thing that he did that he no longer can do anything about. It is terrible, but it does come down to you and how strong you are and how much you want him in your life.

Ideally, if you plan to marry this man, then go to counseling and try to get through it. And even the counselor will tell you that you just can't keep bringing it up. If you really can't trust him, then you'll have to pull yourself together and leave him. But again you can't keep beating him down for what he did...and don't get me wrong, I mean hell I think as for him cheating it equals that he's very undeserving of you and you should have dumped him right then and there...but that is irrelevant and all that matters is how much you want to be with him in the end and how strong your relationship is.
Think of it this way...if you broke his prized possession (say totaled his car, or smashed his guitar or computer, or told his family his brother's true sexual orientation..you get my drift) and you are eternally sorry and realize how bad of a mistake you made...but if you were constantly reminded of your faults, you'd start to blow up too b/c not only do you feel bad, but the person you love keeps putting you down even more.
So again, it all depends on what you see for the future...really and genuinely...and go from there:)

^^ I totally agree!

there's a man out there who you can have really good times with almost all the time.. without the horrible things this boyfriend does.

It sounds like he's definitely acting out because of his guilt. Turning the discussion around on you like that is a pretty classic defensive move.

I have been in your situation, and honestly the only advice I can give you is to really get over it, or don't and leave him. Your unhappiness is not worth the fighting, etc. If you really love him and if you have truly forgiven him, you will not bring it up anymore. For me what really helped was finding what I needed to really help me get over it. I realized that I wanted him to tell me how he honestly felt about me, and what he should do to fix our relationship. It took months for him to prove himself to me, but our relationship became better and better. My bf acted out with anger and emotions too, but if he truly loves you, it is only because he is tortured by it so much that every time you bring it up, it hurts him too. If this was a one time thing like what happened to my bf, it will never happen again if he loves you and truly regrets it. He will want to work things out.

I agree with Cherika.

Personally, I was unable to forgive a past, cheating boyfriend. I left him. However, if I had decided to stay, I would have tried to get over it.

You sound like some kind of glutton for punishment. You stay with him even though your still hurt by him cheating on you. You stay even though "his behavior has become practically abusive". You stay even though "he shouts and screams at me when we fight until all I can do is cry and beg him to stop". *shaking you* Wake the hell up! This is a horrible dysfunctional abusive relationship. No matter how many excuses you make up, "I know I should just break up with him, but it’s just not that easy." Sorry but it is that easy unless your chained up and hog tied in the basement!

You know, I see why you would find it hard to break up and move on. You're obviously very committed to this relationship and to making it work, and it's very mature of you (I think) to recognize that all relationships have their problems, which if you are committed are things to work on, not reasons to give up. But honestly, these problems are very severe. I would question whether it's really your love for him that is making you hold on, or that fact that you feel you're committed and so subconsciously feel obligated to make it work--out of your own conscience?

Every relationship does have problems, but these are very severe. His cheating might have been a breaking point for me if I was in your position, but even if it wasn't, I honestly think his behavior now--which you yourself characterized as close to abusive--would be. Is he going to be like this every time he messes up? I wonder.

I can't count how many girls have stayed in an abusive relationship because "When things are good, it's really good." and I used to be one of them until it wasn't good for me anymore. It wasn't worth it to put up the fight anymore and the fight would have been an ongoing battle if I stayed.

That is all I'm saying.

I agree with Berlin and Cherika...I was just recently in a similar situation (but my bf didn't exactly cheat, just did something that was wrong). It really hurt me and my way of dealing with it was to bring it up constantly to throw it in his face and yes, he also got really mad about it. In my head I thought: "dude, if you're the one who wronged me, how can you be mad and yelling at me? You have no right! Its all YOUR fault that i'm acting the way i'm acting right now!" And he finally told me that it really hurts him and that he'll regret it every day for the rest of his life and all that sh*t.

So, the best thing to do, in your situation, is just to get over it. If you told him you were going to trust him again (after he proves himself to be worthy of your trust again), then there is no use bringing up his past mistakes. Move forward. I'm still in the moving forward stage, and things are already MUCH better. Its hard, and you'll still feel these angry feelings inside of you, and you'll still wonder: why? how could he have hurt me like that? But please, keep those feelings to yourself or share them with a friend. Plus, all his efforts of trying to get you to trust him again are going to waste the minute you pick a fight with him. He'll think: i'm trying my best, but she doesn't appreciate it, because she's bringing it up again. Why bother?

Good luck!

If you can't get over it(and I don't know how you could in the first place), then you need to end it. That's all there is to it. The memories of the past are what you're holding unto. Why should you forgive him anyway? He broke your trust. That's one of the most important aspects to a relationship. What is left to build upon? You will keep going in circles, just put yourself out of your misery already.

Also, I agree with everything hotstuff said. You too, Jude.

There is such a lot of great advice on here--that's one of my favorite aspects of this site

I think indie's right, considering that this long after, you are still that upset about what he did (which is understandable)--do you really think he'll ever be able to fully regain your trust? If not...

You don't seem to trust him anymore because you keep bringing the cheating up. A relationship without trust is never a good one. Trust brings balance, friendship, compassion, understanding, and eventually love; trust is the foundation to everything. You cannot have a good relationship if you don't have trust. Just because when "things are good, they are really good" doesn't justify you staying in a relationship that allows someone to cheat on you and then to treat you like crap. Your heart is obviously still hurting from what he did to you. You may still love him (maybe because you've been together for so long), but he is being very unfair to you and you're being unfair to yourself for staying in a relationship that has turned "practically abusive". The best thing that you can do is leave and learn from this. Go out there, have fun with your friends, achieve status at work, be selfish: buy those heels you were eyeing, get a hot personal trainer, etc. Spend time with yourself, and eventually you will find a companion who will value your love and never take your heart for granted.

The advice above is all really good.

This is like reading what I went through a couple years ago. The. exact. same. thing.

I stayed in it for a while. That was a while too long. My friends had to intervene.

The best thing I ever did was leave him. It's not worth it. You can do so much better.

Picking up the pieces after you leave him will be easier than staying in it any longer with all that pain.

I wish you the best.

"Picking up the pieces after you leave him will be easier than staying in it any longer with all that pain."

That's the truth.

I've been in a similar situation with my ex. It was an on and off thing, and it was the type of situation where it was either REALLY good or REALLY bad. It was like he could make me feel this great way that no one else could make me feel, or he could make me feel this miserable way that no one else could make me feel either.... eventually, I realized that there was no way that the 'good' feelings he gave me could outweigh the bad. I'd rather be alone, in a steady, mediocre way of feeling than this ridiculous rollercoaster in which I had no control over. I say, be done with it. As IMPOSSIBLE as it seems (believe me, I understand!), it is way better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't respect you (he cheated on you, which directly shows his lack of respect). If you can't forgive and forget, than there is no point. There is someone better out there who is going to respect you (I'm still waiting for that someone better...I've learned you need to be happy with yourself and mr. right will come along eventually) and love you for everything that you are. Don't waste your time with cheating men who are going to make you feel like less than you are rather than own up to their mistakes. He is yelling at you and making you feel bad and upset because deep down he knows he is in the wrong. This is the sign of an immature and selfish man who doesn't deserve one more minute of your attention.

You gotta get out of this relationship.
This will probably be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do.
But, his temper, his infideility and just the situation in general, is not healthy.
You have to look at yourself and within yourself and ask why it is that you are drawn to unhealthy and abusive partners.
you CAN NOT fix him. We are all only responsible for ourselves.
We can only fix ourselves.
Get out of this relationship and focus on fixing yourself.

Lots of good advice here. I would say that staying alone will not change him, or your relationship. It's super difficult to leave, but try leaving for a week or weekend first to get your head around it. I also would share it with those close to you who you trust, because saying it out loud will make it more real - and easier to deal with, and you won't be so alone. Since my opinion is only my opinion, and I don't know you, I can only say that I would leave. In my experience staying is destructive, and won't fix him even if he says he is going to change. I wish you the best of luck!

I agree with lemassabielle... when I was in an abusive relationship all I could see was how when things were good, they were "really, really good." That's a red flag that there is a lot more going on. If some part of you can say "I know I should break up with him" listen to that voice and talk to a professional. They can help you sort through what you're feeling and why you still want to stay.

I don't agree with him being verbally abusive but I do agree with get over it or get out. The excuse that it is not that easy to end it is just that an excuse. Nobody wants to be reminded on a daily basis that they made a mistake I know I have made mistakes and I also get beyond pissed when it is brought up it is normal. I do not think it is because he feels guilty in his mind he has apologized and to him it is over. That is they way I am and I am not even a guy. You can only apologize so many times before you get sick of apologizing for the past. It happened, he apologized, now you can either forgive and work on your relationship or end it. Get counselling!

I agree with Berlin and Cherika. Let it go, or move on. good luck with which every choice you make.

no brainer - end it. cheating in very few cases is forgivable but emotional and physical abuse is always an NO NO!!!

When things are that bad, it doesnt matter how good the good times are. You dont deserve for him to be treating you like this, if anything he should be bowing down and kissing your ass begging forgiveness. To me it sounds like his anger is a sign that he is still probably guilty. If he was innocent and really not cheating anymore, there would be no reason for him to get so angry with you. HE was in the wrong, and now he is trying to push his guilt off on you, by making you feel like sh*t for feeling the way you do.

If you cannot truly forgive and forget your man cheating on you, then the best thing for both of you is to end the relationship. Don't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy anymore. And, no matter what you say, if you are constantly suspicious, you are not happy. BTW, it is absolutely ok to forgive him for cheating, if that's what makes you happy, and your relationship can function properly. It doesn't do your relationship any good to constantly bring up his cheating everytime ya'll have an argument. That's a sure-fire way to not resolve the issue you are arguing about.

once a cheater, always a cheater.
dump his a$$.

my dad cheated on my mom and I have no sympathy for cheaters.

as well, I forgot to mention, emotional and physical abuse is inexcusable.
Leave this guy. You deserve MUCH BETTER.

wow the exact same thing is happening to me right now except worse. i just showed the guy this and he was like, "did you write this?"