ouch!
basically u started fooling around with a guy she had the hots for! u DONT DO THAT TO UR BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!!

i hope hes worth losing ur BEST FRIEND!

I think you've crossed the line, if you're the type of girl who claims to be 'chix before dix' type.

But if you're like 'All is fair in love and war' type, then you haven't, but watch out for karma!

This is what you wrote:

"Before he came to visit, I asked her if she felt romantic feelings for him, and she replied by saying she has thought of it but never would consider it unless he brought it up."

Basically, you already know she HAD feeling for him (she has thought about it), but she's waiting for him to tell her his feeling first. Then you basically fooled around with him, since of course, he's attracted to you physically. So you won, what else do you want from her? Leave her alone.

Another thing:

From your posts, it seems that you and he actually talked behind her back discussing about her, and him going to her to tell her 'Oh I don't have feeling for you (romantic),' sounds to me like you and he deserve each other, and YOU don't deserve to have a friend like her. So don't even worry, you've won this 'prize.' I hope he's worth it!

You should leave her be, she's probably heart broken. Just because someone is driven and ambitious, it doesn't exempt them from falling in love. I think it's going to be up to her one day if she wants to talk to you. It's completely out of your hand, you can't force her to talk it out with you, if she wants, she'll do it, imho.

From your own description, I can hardly believe that you don't recognize her feeling. It seems that she was attentive toward this man way before you two even met and hooked-up. It's very obvious for me, the bystander. It's just that he seemed to prefer you to her.

Like the poster above me say, it also seems that you two are talking about her in regards of her feeling, if you do respect her and care about her the way you say you do, I'd say that you shouldn't even discuss about her to your current flame. Right now, you both put this guy in between the two of you. This can so easily turn into a triangle. I hope not.

Just move forward with your future, and let her be.

Yup you sure DID cross the line.. REGARDLESS if he has feelings for her or not, she obviously had some for him.. I'm putting myself in your shoes with my bff and WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER going on a DATE with a guy she's had a date with much less had feelings for.. That's a major NO NO.. so look for a guy in your town, one who hasn't had a 'relationship' with any of your friends whether it was a friendship or not, and move on.. SHAME ON YOU!

He doesn't want her. Even if this girl doesn't go out with him, he still WONT WANT HER!

I think when she said that "she hadn't thought about it," you heard what you wanted to hear. it sounds pretty clear from that that she had feelings for him, but you did too so you went under the guise of "well I asked her and she didn't say yes."
If you want the friendship back, stop talking to the guy. Tell her you miss her and take her to lunch or something.

PS... "while she didn't give bad vibes about it" but then told him you had baggage and he would get hurt? Come on.

Good luck with your friend.

Considering how long you two have been friends, you should have been able to understand that she had feelings for this guy. She basically told you that she did, followed by the fact that she was afraid to bring it up with him.

So yeah, you crossed the line.

Decide whether a relationship with him is worth losing a friendship of so many years, then proceed accordingly.

Hm. Well, he wasn't into this girl any way you draw the map. Sometimes you find the best man in the worst timing, and that might not be what is publicly correct but it is the truth.

dont feel bad...that's how I met my fiance.

look, sometimes it doesn't matter who you *f*ck over* cuz you cant say that you didnt f*ck your friend over. YOU DID. admit it. But you cant expect to STILL be her friend....that's where you are in the wrong.

And dont feel bad cuz you didnt purposely f*ck her over. The heart wants what it wants.

You and your new man go on with your lives without her, because she'll never be okay with it. And just for the sake of not throwing it all in her face, just leave her be. You can sit there and play the saint, but you really DONT know what it feels like for her, so don't be a hypocrite, k? move on.

Besides, he wasn't even in to her. There WAS no relationship, other than a friendship. It'd be wrong if they had hooked up and there you go breaking them up, which you didn't. And HE was the one to tell her about the 2 of you, which means he DOES have real feelings for you to some extent.

Good luck with all the sh*t talkers...don't let it get to you. As long as you guys are happy, that's all that matters.

*into her

It's not like you stole her man/fiance/baby-daddy. I don't think I'd feel that badly about it, but then again, I don't tend to get along with people very well anyway - at least not long enough to consider them friends. Well... more like I don't think they consider me a friend. But I digress...

I don't know if I'd feel so bad about this if I were in her shoes, either. I'd be mad/pissed/jealous because the guy liked my friend better, but that would only last a short time, because if he wasn't into me, then what would it matter? If they came and talked to me about it, and I realized they were really into each other, then what could I say. Sure, I'd talk sh*t for a couple weeks and be mad, then I'd realize that she could have just kept on seeing him behind my back, and figure out that 'hey, she must give a sh*t' because that's not what happened. Eventually, I'd get over it.

But if you feel bad, then maybe in your heart you know you've done wrong. If that's the case, then you might consider not seeing him.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

She's just jealous. Period. And besides, you told her you would noy pursue something with him if it made her uncomfortable.

You've actually been a good friend. And she has the audacity to tell him that you "have baggage?" SOUNDS LIKE SOUR GRAPES TO ME.

And she's your friend?

Sorry, but if she didn't have the balls to tell her she liked him, then that's her problem. If you sit around waiting for stuff to happen in life, you're going to waiting around a long time.

I say tell you friend you still want to be friends with her. But that you're not going to ave your life revolve around her.

If you can't have a relationship with the guy because she is too hurt, respect her wishes. But she's been very disloyal to you too. So I say, "Find better friends. One's who are mature."

You probably only crossed the line if you hooked up with him. If not, you obviously didn't do anything wrong. That said, I would talk to your friend first. She is probably a little jealous and hurt, but I would discuss things with her before I made a decision. If she's a good friend, she should probably get over it and let you be happy. I think SHE was out if line in telling him you had baggage from previous relationships. She owes you an apology. Give it a few days then talk to her. If she's still being unreasonable, I would have to take some time away from the friendship.

if you would've hooked up with him after her half-a*s telling you she didn't dig him, then maybe it would've been messed up. but you manage to NOT hook up with him, and i'm thinking when things got good between you and ol' boy, you told him no because your BFF had feelings for him and it might be akward. and that's when he went and told your BFF that he doesn't dig her. and you still went back and told her if she was going to have a problem, that you would back off. and she chumped out like a kid and now is mad at you.

you're in the clear.

i don't think she is a very good "best friend" while she was trying to put salt in your game with that "baggage" thing. that's f*cked up. she was trying to get him to not like you, and in her mind, he would start liking her more. but the fat still remains that he don't like her a*s.

she didn't handle it right. she reacted like a child. so i'm done with her on that.

if she wants to be mad like a kid and have a temper tantrum, then let her. maybe she'll come around.

i say go with the Navy guy. They have great benefits.

Damn, your that "friend" that every woman dreads! You knew your friend had a crush on the Navy friend but you just had to go at him! Then you wanna turn things around and make it sound like your such a great friend because you've offered to leave him alone. If you truly meant that you wouldn't STILL be keeping in touch with him. Your trying to make your friend look like she's the ass. When you sat there hooking up or whatever you were doing with him while your friend was at school. You knew exactly what you were doing! I don't blame her for being upset. You didn't even know this guy, you knew your friend had a crush and here you are taking over. True he may not like her now but real friends don't do this to each other. Oh well. I hope she finds a better BFF!

I think what you need to understand is you're putting her in a really bad position. If she says she's uncomfortable with you dating then she's the "bad guy" who broke you guys up, if she say its okay (when its really not okay with her) she's not going to be able to have a good honest friendship with you. What is she supposed to do? I was in a similar position, (except my friend actually was hooking up with the guy for awhile behind my back before telling me the truth) I told her I wasn't going to tell her what to do and I didn't want to continue to be friends with her. I don't think its fair to make her the tell you to back off or not.

You're fine, your friend is the one who was out of line. Romance happens, and if you didn't actually do anything physical with this boy, if the two of you are chemically drawn to each other and she has no past romantic history with him, then she needs to accept it and move on.

What kind of friend is SHE if she is trying to keep you from a man whom you could be happy with? Sounds like she would've been mad at you even if you didn't return his feelings, simply because he wants you and not her.

Ahh, the story's been edited I kind of found it hard to believe the OP doesn't know about her feelings because her actions (that have been edited out) showed affection toward him and been a good friend to him in the past. As for OP's hooking-up with this man, I kind of think it happened due to the fact that he's been coming to her house daily when the friend is working or going to school, but maybe it's not the case...

My original response was for the original post

I have a feeling it may turn into a triangle because he's still talking to her (although as a friend). It's confusing because she obviously has not considered you a friend anymore (after she said about your past relationships), but she obviously still thinks of him as a friend which means she doesn't blame him for falling for you, instead, she blames you for 'crossing the line' first.

Hopefully when you guys get together and are having problems (which every couple bound to have), he's not going to run to her (his good friend) to whine or seeking consolation since he kind of knows how she feels about him (since you and he have talked about it).

As for her, really, leave her alone. Maybe it's time the friendship to expire.

I don't think you crossed a line...look if you guys are friends, she would tell you straight up to your face that she has feelings for the guy, and not give some half-assed "I thought about it but won't do anything until he brings it up" BS. Its not like they have a history other than friendship, so you did nothing wrong. You can't help how you feel about somebody, and neither can he. And he brought it up to her that he doesn't like her...so she's most probably just bitter that he went for you instead of her. Just goes to show what kind of girl that is! Especially after saying you have baggage.

You're better off without her in my honest opinion! Have fun with your new guy!

wow... def. crossed a line. as good of friends as the 2 of you are you should have knows what "i've thought about it" means. either way he isnt interested in her so just give her time and she should get over and adjusted to the change. i would never do this to a friend but then again i have never been in the situation so who knows. good luck with whatever happens.

It really doesn't seem that egregious if we are getting the whole story, hotstuff says you're "that friend" and you may or may not be. You two have similar taste in men so it was bound to happen and she definitely was be catty on "the baggage" comment. Ones in glass houses.....but you may have to come to terms that the relationship you hold dear, the one with her is over and if not it will not be the same. Good luck.

well, you say that you will back off if it makes her uncomfortable.. at this point she is clearly uncomfortable and you are clearly not backing off... so....?
Let's put this in black and white terms: she likes him, he doesn't like her back, you two are into each other. She is not okay with it and chances are will not give you her blessing. They did not have a romantic relationship, so you are not "stealing" her man or breaking anything up. What do you want more: him or your friend? Pick, and stick with it. At least until she moves on, in the future you might have both.

i agree poster of a girl. i think once she gets herself a man, then she'll forget about Navy-boy and forgive you. but i wouldn't be too chummy with her. you see what she says about you when she gets jealous.

I don't think you did anything wrong (granted that you two did not hook up or do anything romantic-wise). I can understand her side because I've been in the same exact position...yea it sucked that he didn't like me and liked a friend of mine but you know what...these things happen. Just because I liked him doesn't mean he has to like me and just because he liked my friend and my friend liked him doesn't mean she's a b*tch. This is life and if your friend can't get over this...then maybe it really is time for this friendship to expire (especially if she really said that you have baggage (wtf?). Like other posters have said..it's not like they were romantically linked and you stole him from her..they were just friends. If you and this guy really like eachother..then I think it is worth pursuing and hopefully your friend will get over it and be your friend again. Until then..let her be.

I agree - you did nothing wrong. That guy didn't like her anyways. She's just heart-broken, and the woman scorned.

Romance naturally happens between two people.

Frankly, I think your best friend is being immature. I guess she's abandoned you, as she's stopped speaking to you. And you're still holding the torch for her (as a friend)?

I'm sorry, but did you know him before he came to visit? What would even make you think that it would be OK to mess around with him? I don't blame her not wanting to talk to you anymore. Of all the people for you to have "great chemistry" with it had to be the guy your best friend has feelings for?

You crossed the line. No question. She has no reason to forgive you either.

If you were really honestly willing to put aside your feelings for him to maintain your friendship with her you would have done that automatically instead of going ahead with it AND THEN asking for her blessing.
Bottom line is you were selfish and she has every right to be hurt.

This suddenly reminds me of that "Sex in The City" episode with Miranda who has her good pal visiting from Britain and staying at her house, they've been having a flirtatious pen pal relationship, then Miranda's decorator shows up at her house and he ends up liking her so much, dates her and gets married to her.

Miranda was in charge of the guest book or whatnot at their wedding And she's p!ssed off, but it's not like there's nothing she can do about it.

I miss Sex in The City...I digress...

I think that your friend has reason to feel upset with you -- the fact that you feel bad means you know you did something wrong.

I don't mean that you should stay away from him because she liked him first, I mean that YOU should have told your friend about the chemistry before HE told her.

How do you think she feels, hearing from her crush that he and you have the hots for each other?
Probably like you betrayed her.

So you didn't cross the line because you like this guy, you crossed the line because you didn't protect your friend's feelings.

On the other hand, if she were a good friend, she would get over the embarrassment/ego bash and talk to you again. Friends forgive each other.
So apologize and be sincere.

sI am in a similar situation. One of my close friends likes this guy but she never admits it. She is very protective of her heart and she will never admit to really liking a guy. But i know her well enough to know that she does like him no matter how much she tries to hide it. I recently started to get to know him and I have developed feelings for him. But i would never act on those feelings because she is a good friend. while he is a great guy, i have known my friends for years and would never cross that line, even if he doesnt have feelings for her. like guys say "bros before hoes"
~*Snooky*~

I can see where you're going with this but the fact is you do feel bad and you absolutely wouldn't if really thought you did nothing wrong. You know you crossed the line, she knows you crossed the line, it sounds like the only think that is in doubt is whether or not you should keep bothering her or if you should let the friendship die.

I'm in favor of leaving her alone and letting her come to grips with her feelings and whether or not she wants anything to do with you. If she does, then let her call you. You have certainly let her know that you are interested if she is.

As many people have pointed out neither one of you can help being attracted to the same man or the fact that this guy isn't attracted to your friend. It hurts but it is true "the heart wants what it wants" but that doesn't mean we're too brain dead to think about the consequence of our actions. This isn't a guy you met at a bar together and he just happend to like you more, this is guy is good friend of her's who you knew she was interested in or you never would have asked her about him and you certainly would have told her immediately about being interested in him. That he didn't feel the same way isn't the point. She isn't questioning his attraction to you, she is questioning your loyalty to her.

You knew what you were doing, you knew how it would effect your friend, and it was only when you were really sure of this guy and your potential relationship with him that it was worth mentioning to your friend. To get to the point that either one of you were willing to address your feelings to your friend means that you long ago passed the point where you should have backed off. The moment you realized you flirting more than talking you should have pulled back and asked yourself how this was going to effect your best friend and if this guy who you had only recently met,through her, who doesn't even live in your town, is worth risking a good friendship over. If this thought never even occured to you then perhaps your friendship wasn't as close as you think it was.

You risked a friendship over a man who doesn't even live in the same country as you do and for all you know has a girlfriend in every port city. Hell, even if he is a complete angel and the nicest guy on earth that doesn't mean you two will still be dating in a year, or even a month, yet you put a 5 year long relationship on the line for it. In my oppion the friendship didn't mean as much to you as having a man does and if that is the case then both you and your friend are better off without each other because you obviously have very diffent perspectives of the friendship. I don't mean that in a critical way, I just mean that you two don't value the same things and as another reader mentioned this was bound to happen as long as you two are attracted to the same type of man. I wish you the best but I would advise you to just let the friendship go and concentrate on making this new relationship worth losing the old one.

Guys, hello to you!

This is common to friends, with one difference.

I was the one who was 'betrayed'. My friend (he was a guy whom I had known for 9 years) and I had both known this girl. I was madly in love with her, and I told my friend that I did. What I did not know was that he also had a crush on her. I was waiting for the right time to tell the girl how I feel, but before I could make it, my friend courted her secretly. I was terribly angry at him. He never apologized to me, acted as if nothing had happened, and that's why my anger against him intensified.

Their relationship was publicly announced in our Intramurals, and it added more fuel and intensity to my anger.

PS: The girl and I have chatted through texting since the summer classes before first year high school came. I have known her more than my friend did. I even spent the lunch at the canteen with her and her friends.

Snookyx, I admire what you did.

You did the right thing. That's why you and your friend are still friends. I admire you for that.
Hope you both have a happy friendship and let nothing, even a man, break your bond.

Ok. I actually disagree with the people that say u crossed the line. I mean, it would have been better if you had maybe told her you were hanging out with him alone, but did u do anything besides talk and stuff? It's not that serious. Your friend on the other hand is definitely putting guys before you. If she was a true best friend, she would be able to move past this, she'd be able to realize that you like him as well, and that you weren't the only one doing wrong, he was also talking to you, and he's her friend too, your friend should be mad at both of you, I think that in this one you are both in the wrong and if your really best friends, you should be able to forgive eachother.