Dear Sugar
I have recently become engaged and will be married this September. I know there are going to be a lot of changes in my life due to two lives becoming one and I am excited for the new adventure. My fiance and I have our money issues pretty much worked out and have agreed that as we communicate, we will be fine monetarily.
We have recently opened a joint account together to keep our wedding money organized as we are paying for a large portion of the big day. The problem is that he is so anal and paranoid that something is going to happen to the money that is insistent upon be not carrying my check book or ATM card in my purse anymore.
He has told me that he is not worried about keeping up with our expenditures, rather he is worried about someone stealing my purse and having access to the checks. While I understand his concern about all our money being in one place for such an important occasion, his level of anxiety is a little concerning.
If someone were to get a hold of a check, the bank would know if it was stolen and we would be able to get reimbursed. What were to happen if I were to be stranded and needed to get money out of my bank account? How can I get him to lighten up without this ballooning into a huge issue? Penny Pincher Paulette
To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more
Dear Penny Pincher Paulette
Congratulations on your engagement and let me say how impressed I am that you are paying for your own wedding; you should feel very empowered. With that said, try to understand your fiance's concern, although your fiance's paranoia sounds to be a bit over the top. Has he been robbed before or mugged to make him so on edge?
Do you have a separate bank account for personal use, or have you merged all your income to the wedding account? My first suggestion to you would be to open an account for your day to day expenses as it is always a good idea to have some sense of financial freedom, that way you don't have to touch the money that is set aside for your big day.
It is also always a good idea to carry some cash and a credit card in case of emergencies. Financial concerns are common arguments between couples so open the lines of communication and make sure you are on the same page monetarily before you walk down the aisle! Good luck on your upcoming wedding.
Dolce & Gabbana
Agnes B
Luella
Please tell your fiance about my story:
When I was living with my sister my 12 year old nephew decided that he was ready to learn about the birds and bees so he stole my checkbook out of my closet and began buying subscriptions to online porn sites - on my MAC, using my outlook (which was just not smart - but boys at that age are rarely smart). (FYI: he learn about check accounts at school, in class --of all places)
I started to notice all these XXX charges on my account and in my email account. My account was a mess. I called the XXX companies to explain that I did not authorize the charges and of course they gave me the run-around.
Turns out that the bank was already on it. I call them and they reversed all the charges and overdraft fees - without me having to file a police report (which was great for my poor sexually curious nephew - I wouldn't want him to go through that). I learned that day that the banks fraud departments do their job well; their know your spending habits and they really have your back.
Tell your fiance not to worry. Your big day will go off w/out a hitch. Congrats -- all the best to you!
1It's crazy this day and age not to have at least an ATM card with you. Who knows what emergency could happen where you might need it?! Why not read up on using an ATM card safely (i.e. holding your hand over the key-pad when you type in the code incase a theif has installed a card reader). A thief can't use your card if they don't have your pin, so as long as you don't share it with anyone it's basically the safest way to carry "money". Let your fiance know you understand the reason behind his concern but that you're an adult and know how to safely use your bank card. Is he "allowed" to carry his ATM card? Someone could just as easily steal his wallet. You need some freedom and security, so don't take no for an answer.
2i had almost this exact situation with my husband! to avoid fights i just opened my own account and had it for about 2 years before he knew. i didn't ever keep more than $1,000 in there but i had it in case i needed it. honestly i think it's a control issue. my own dh STILL doesn't want me to have the check book on me, but agreed to it because it drives him more crazy for me to tear out checks (they must stay in order!). everyone has their "issues", and this is your (and my) husbands. congratulations!
3i suggest completely keeping your money separate during your marriage. you have your money, he has his. anything you buy together, go halfsies on it. i don't think the issue is that he's afraid someone will steal it out of your purse or anything like that. he's afraid you'll spend it all because some men think women can't control their spending and don't balance their accounts.
just my opinion. it's really hard to keep your account balanced when you have two people taking money out all the time from two different atm cards. my parents are ALWAYS overdrawn because of this. one hand doesn't know what the other is doing, basically.
4It seems like a simple solution to just have your own account with some funds that you manage on your own. Keep the balance low but have enough in case of an emergency.
It does seem paranoid on your fiance's part. Is he also not carrying an ATM card etc? If he's playing by his rules it seems a little better.
Definitely have a clear understanding of how finances will be managed because a lot of issues between couples are money related. If he manages then, fine, but stand your ground about what your access to the funds will be.
5dearsugar is right.
6artificialness?trumped,hated tacking pawing rationalities mutilates imprinting subgroups
7Post New Comment
Please share your opinion with our community, but make sure it is on topic and follows our Community Rules. We moderate comments and prohibit personal attacks, threats, spam, lewd images, or the promotion of your personal website.