First off, do you know if your ex has a girlfriend? Cuz if he does, I'd probably let it go, let the past be the past.

Then, if you are this curious about things there are a few things to think about. 1) Your ex might not feel the same way anymore. It's hard to be basically normal around ex's (some people might be okay, but I'm extremely awkward even if I don't have feeligns for them anymore) you have that history together. 2) Even if it is just a conversation, your current beau might get suspicious so you might ruin an otherwise great relationship - even if your heart isn't fully in it.

It's very natural for you to feel this way, since there wasn't that closure that you expect with some face to face break ups. Maybe this is what you are needing, the closure, I'm sure you've been thinking long and hard about this over and over and over, so you might want to call so that that can stop.

Good question.

Stop being scared and ask him. Its the only way you're going to be able to move in if there's nothing there. Good luck!

i may be wrong, but i strongly believe that some things are better left unsaid.

closure is in ur hands, i dont believe talking to him face to face will give it to u.

u need to make the conscious decision to close that chapter of ur life and move on.

unless u still love him. in that case, the only right way to do deal with it is, break up with ur current boyfriend and confront ur ex. it would be wrong to keep ur current boyfriend as a Plan B.

I agree with you sun, but I do feel it's better to have a talk with him first and then see what happens with your current boyfriend. It doesn't feel like giving him a plan B position to me. You're entitled to closure, right, it doesn't mean you're rushing back into the first guy's arms. What I would do however is to tell the current boyfriend you're going to have this closure talk, at least that way you're being honest with him. And if it leads to you guys getting back together...well, that's a new decision altogether I guess.

not all things are better left unsaid....

when I was single (and still very much in love with my ex) I ran into him and we DID THE TALK thing and guess what? I became TOTALLY unattracted to him! I couldn't believe I once thought he was *the one* and I finally found closure!

in another case, my ex told me in my face that nothing would ever happen between him & I because he didn't want me anymore, and if that isn't a reality check then I dont know what is. THAT also gave me closure.

So I guess you could go either way....at least if you talk to him (whether he has a gf or not), you won't have any curiosity.

but to be fair to your new guy, definitely seek closure somehow.

I was in the same situation. I dated a guy for 2 years and he was playing baseball, well we broke up cause the 12 hour distance was too hard. I started dating a great guy, so nice and everything but when I saw my ex at christmas time I knew I wasnt over him and I do not ever want to live in regret and its not fair to the great guy i was with because he deserved a great girl who only thought about him. I had to express my feelings for him and he ended up feeling the same and now we are together he is still away and only has 1 more year left to play college ball. We have decided that we want to make it work. It was hard to hurt the other guy and see him go through the pain but everyone will benefit if it is the right thing and it ends up working out.

Sounds like you owe it to your current boyfriend to deal with your feelings for the ex. Whether that means asking for some time to yourself, or breaking it off completely, that's the only decision that seems fair to him. )

Ooh, and each break-up is different. You'll get over him when you're ready to let go and move on. Who knows when that will be. Just be honest with yourself. It'll happen sooner or later, and then you'll be in a great place to start a new, healthy relationship.

Good luck!

I agree that before you do anything, you should inform your current boyfriend, or atleast let him off the hook, dont cheat on him. But, I think if you feel like there is unfinished business...there probably is. It doesnt sound like you guys had a bad breakup, it sounds like it was just the wrong time. And thats ok, theres nothing wrong with trying again down the road. My current bf and I met when I was 19. We were together for 2 years and then broke up..Im still not really sure why we broke up, I think we were both still just really immature. Anyway...I was really hurt when we broke up, but I never felt like it was really over...somewhere in my mind I knew that we would be together again. I found another BF and did the whole rebound thing and pretended to move on for a few years. Needless to say, that didnt last and after alot of "finding myself" Joe and I got back together. We've been back together for about a year now. Im not going say we have a perfect relationship, but it is so much stronger than it was before, because we both realized what our lives are like without eachother. If you really feel like its not over, then you should talk to your current BF and then talk to your ex, because he could very well feel the same way, and you might be surprised by how much stronger your love is the second time around, I know I was. Good luck!

Yeah, definitely let your current boyfriend know that you want to have that closure talk with the ex. I wouldn't go behind his back of anything, that's not very nice. Better to find out rather than have this constant thought on your mind which could distract you from your current relationship.

Although I agree that most of time, things are better left unsaid...having closure w/ this ex probably is a good idea too.
But if you plan to get back together with him (and vice versa), be nice and don't hide, and let your current bf go because your current bf deserves to have butterflies too w/ a girl he really likes (the same way you deserve to be the one you really want).

Anyhow, you can either tell your current bf that you'd like to have a talk with your ex because you've not resolved your past relationship (although I bet you he may not like the idea, b/c you've been dating him and he probably thinks you shouldn't be dating him if you're not over your ex) or you can wait until you have a talk with your ex to find out the 'result' on what you want to do (continue with your current one, or try again with your ex). Regardless, don't try to have an affair, make sure your ex wants you back instead of his still wanting to have sex w/ you while you're in another relationship.

By the way, you can also opt to be single too if you don't have butterflies w/ your current bf.

Have you even attempted to get over him and accepted that you broke up? And dating someone else isn't what i mean. It's been more then 2 yrs. Don't waste anyone's time.

If your ex has a girlfriend, stay out of it. You don't want to cause drama for him or for you. If he hasn't contacted you in 2.5 years, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want to say anything else to you. Sure you may have had a great thing, but the past is the past, and that is where it is supposed to be. Unless of course he is still contacting you, then you should talk it out with him. I broke up with my ex of 3 years and I didn't want to have anything to do with him. When he tried to talk to me about it, I completely shunned him out and didn't even want to see his face or be his friend. Maybe you should just leave it as it is.

This is a good question, definitely relevant to so many of us. I know how you feel about the perfect guy but no butterflies! The only guys that have ever given me the butterfly feeling were not good boyfriends, figures.

I wonder if it has always been platonic love with the new boyfriend? Or is this just since you ran into the old one? I understand your desire to talk to him, but that could have a negative effect on your current relationship, are you willing to risk that for closure?

Ask yourself how you would feel if your current boyfriend went to talk to an ex he broke up with years ago to gain closure. I would feel terrible, like he may be trying to get back with her, or that I was a rebound, etc.

It's ultimately up to you, but if he is as good as he seems (minus the butterflies) I would stay away from the ex.

I'm in a long distance relationship too.
Long distance relationships are not much different than regular relationships.
But in some ways, I'll admit. They are.

They require hard work and a strong sense of determination and commitment.

Every relationship goes through changes. That rings true, even if you are a couple that is living together.
But with LDR's, you have to go with the change. You have to expect that there are going to be times, many times, where your going to miss that person with every fiber of your being.

BUT. If the person you are involved with, would rather bail out on you, than stick with it, then thats when you need to turn that sadness into anger.
He didn't want to stick it out with you to see where things would go.
He didn't want to put in that hard work.
He just bailed. And that? Is a big deal.

Of course you feel that there is unfinished business, you two broke up over the phone.
So that may explain the feelings of things being unresolved.

Only they are resolved.
He made his choice. And you are better than that.

so what are you going to do if you decide to talk to him? ( which i personally think is a waste of time)
Whats to stop him from bailing out on you again, when times get complicated and tough?

NO.
It happened for a reason.
It ended for a reason.
He is not strong enough.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out the way that is best for you in the long haul!

You definitely need closure. You need this to a) decide if you can really work things out with your ex again or b) solidify that you are over him and ready to move on with your current boyfriend. Talk to him about it and maybe that is what it takes to seal it once and for all.

I'm all for closure. Closure is healthy and necessary to move on. But I have this sense you really don't want closure - you want to get back with him and be crazy-in-love again?

If that's the case, then I will say this: long distance relationships serve a purpose. You can be crazy in love with all the benefits, but without the daily, real-life, in-person commitment. LDR aren't bad... don't get me wrong... but do realize that people who wind up in them are doing so for a reason: they are not ready for deeper intimacy that is only possible with physical proximity.

Maybe this is exactly what you need in your life? Maybe your current boyfriend isn't what you need, because you're simply not ready or at a point in your life where you want that type of relationship?

If that's the case, and assuming your current boyfriend wants more, you owe it to your current boyfriend to move on. As for the ex, assuming he doesn't have a girlfriend, if you could be perfectly happy in an LDR with him, then go for it. When you are ready for more, you won't be happy with the LDR arrangement. That may be why your ex broke up with you. He may have been ready for more.

I really know what you mean about the butterflies feeling, that is such a good feeling and I miss it. I had that feeling with an ex, and lately I have been thinking about him. Today I emailed him, I really think it was probably a bad idea, because I brought up a bunch of emotional stuff, but I just couldn't resist doing it. I really felt like I needed some closure, I don't know if I will get it or not. I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to say that I know how you feel.

i notice that some of the posts here are very prescriptive and forceful - sometimes in situations like this a greater degree of care and sensitivity is needed - if we could all think our emotions into playing ball then we'd all be perfect

i'm in the situation you've described but am the evil boyfriend (and not going out with someone) - each situation is unique in any relationship and the reasons as to why they ended are also unique - its now nearly 5 months after splitting - we never discussed the ending of our relationship properly - the heat of the moment denied us that and the distance has kept us from meeting one another - i got an email 2 weeks ago saying she was missing me still - i found this opened up feelings for her and us - over the course of a week i realised it made sense to meet with her so we could at least talk and see if there was any ground to reconsider our decision to split or gain closure and move on properly - she recognises that this would be valuable esp after having such a strong relationship BUT is very protective of her heart and the potential for more hurt esp when she's doing her best to move on - i can't deny her those feelings nor her need to protect herself & respect that the ball is now in her court - there are two options - move on and bandage the hurt as best you can or be brave and meet me (meeting would hardly be easy for me either) - my intentions to meeting are to talk about the good, bad and ugly parts of our relationship - to me this will benefit us both to be honest with our own responsibilities and how we caused conflict and ultimate end - i still love her and have feelings for her though i need to understand if the parts that damaged us are adaptable from one another's perspective - if one or both of us are not in it anymore post a meeting then we'll both be safe in the knowledge that we had needs / wants that the other cannot or will not accommodate

my biased view is to meet and talk - if we fail to work then there will never be any regret - there will be short term pain in meeting for us both but i would prefer that than wondering long term about the "what if" ..........