You are allowing yourself to get pursuaded into giving it another try when your heart really isnt in it. Its familiar and comfortable (sorta) and you WANT it to work, you want to think that this time things will be different, when in your head you know they wont.

Since you seem unable to tell him that its really over- I think the only thing you can really do is write him a letter. I assume after 4 years you have a key or you live together. Go over when he isnt there, get your stuff, leave the letter and go. I think a clean break is the only way to go here. Talking and rehashing everything and giving him the opportunity to talk you out of breaking up with him (again) obviously isnt working for you. I know after 4 years you cant imagine every day life without him, but you dont want to be with him, you have to know that odds are good that when you REALLY end things that he wont want to talk to you. Frankly I think that is the best situation.

If it makes you feel better, this is very common, especially for girls. I think you know what you need to do, and do it. Meet each other in a public, neutral place, where there's not so much room for emotional display, and do it. You sound very sure. Beyond sure. Just be honest. If it makes it easier then say you need a break, with no contact for a month or so, then say that. And stick with it. If you had plans, blow them of. Tell people around you the update so you don't live in the past. Good luck.

I think you really love this man but have stopped feeling the butterflies. Maybe you should try working on your problems TOGETHER instead of on your own. If that doesn't work then as hard as its going to be break it off with him, but remember to ge gentle with him, after all he still loves you.

I do have to say you are one of the luck ones who found a great guy, they're rare to come by.

You need to call him and say "I want to end this relationship. You talked me out of it in person last night, and that's why I'm calling you." Then, tell him you have a no-contact rule for 6 months. Delete his number from your phone, rearrange your apartment, and call on a good friend every time something happens (when you would have usually called him.)

I agree with luismapacha.
Be strong, it's unhealthy to stay in that type of relationship.

I agree with the posters above you need to end once and for all. Take some time for yourself before you get out there and date again.

Just get out of it. Seriously. Don't waste another 4 years if this isn't someone you think you can spend your life with.

Well...you say you are afraid of hurting him...but you're hurting him and yourself by staying with him. From what you described, it seems like you guys have issues that you just can't fix. I know four years is a very long time, but think about all the time you are going to waste if you stay with him even longer.

Reading your post made me feel like I was reliving part of my past. Get out of the relationship as quickly as you can. Don't worry about hurting him. It happens. I know it feels horrible and you don't want to do it, but if you don't you are only hurting yourself more.

Don't stay with him when all you want to do is get out of the relationship. If you stay in it things will only continue to get worse. He probably is holding on simply because he is so used to having you around. You mention you talk about the problems and how they will get fixed. They won't get fixed. They will still be there and may possibly just get worse.

Someone else already mentioned it, but if he talked you out of it in person then call him and end it that way. Just don't stay in a situation you don't feel happy or comfortable in. I speak from experience and it so isn't worth it.

Yeah I think you will hurt him more in the long run..I would get out now!

If you genuinely know you don't want to be with him, then expressing your feelings in writing might be the best way to get your point across. Best of luck, and follow your heart!

if you know in your heart that it is over for you,
then you need to walk away. now.
The best way to test this....
is to ask yourself....

"Would my life be the same without this person??"

"Would I feel like a part of myself is missing???"

If your answers are no to both, then walk.
You could just be used to him, but try to differentiate being used to him, versus, really and truly wanting to stick with it, and make your relationship work.

I can seriously relate to this post and i have been with this guy going on 8 years.

You guys got used to a roller coaster relationship. Is this what you really want? You need to either break the pattern or move on. Breaking up in a semi-public place like someone above suggested seems like a great idea since you're having problems being talked out of it.

While you're ovaries apparently aren't working, I strongly suggest that you grow some b*lls!

meet him at Starbucks during a slow period (hopefully in public he won't make a scene. if you're there during a slow period, it won't be full of onlookers waiting for their Toffee nut fraps). tell him that it's over. dump him.give a box with EVERYTHING that was left at your place that belongs to him. i actually think you should change your number all together (since you keep falling for his puppy-dog eyes; oh yea, i know what it is), lose his number, do like Luisamapacha says and rearrange your apartment. move on with your life.