Dear Sugar,
After two weeks of being distant, my boyfriend of a year and a half asked me to go on a break. He told me that he loved me but he needed to do this because I deserve better and he has nothing to offer me right now. I told him I didn’t care for all of that material stuff, but it makes him feel like less of a man. He’s having a hard time getting a job, which is mainly why he’s feeling like this. He assured me there was no one else but that he doesn’t want his negative attitude to damage our relationship.
We are both in our 20s, and just a few months ago we were talking about marriage. He said he needed this break to work hard to get me the life I deserve and need in the future. He’s always had a tendency to push people away when he gets overwhelmed and while I understand his reasons, I can’t help but feel sad. He said that I could still call him, but I decided to give him his space to let him think. Do you have any advice?
—Trying to Be Patient Tara
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Dear Trying to Be Patient Tara,
I think you made a great choice in deciding to give him space and not call; it's certainly not the easy choice, but I do think it's better for both of you in the long run. While it's obvious that you love each other, I do think that if you get back together, you need to discuss his tendency to push people away when he gets scared. This is not an uncommon issue, but it's one he needs to work on. Regardless of the hardships in his life, he can't just take a break when he feels down and out; this is especially important if you guys do decide to get married.
In the meantime, try to focus on yourself. This is a situation that needs time to work itself out, so try to maintain your distance from him. Make sure to figure out your own needs — one of which may be a man who is dependable emotionally. Lean on your friends and family for support and when/if you do get back together, tackle this problem head on otherwise you'll be dealing with the same issues later on down the line. Good luck to you.
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