Hmm, I recently dropped out of law school, and it put a ton of stress on the relationship because I had difficulty finding a job. I was also really hard on myself about it, it's hard to see the other person doing so well and you feel like you are detracting from the relationship. I decided to move back home (from Cali with the bf back to NY) and got a great job, and am considering going back to law school.

I definitely needed the space to work things out, but we are still dating. Yes, we had been talking about marriage and now I live thousands of miles away, so maybe it was a bit of a backslide in the relationship, but I think in the end it will be better.

I can understand your bf feeling like he needs to work on his own stuff before you guys can get together, but I would question whether he would need to go on a break to do this. Sure, I am enjoying a lot of the single life now by doing things on my own, and becoming more independent, but this has nothing to do with taking a break, or needing to date other people.

I would let your boyfriend know that you support him in all of his professional endeavors, and if that means needing space, fine, but telling you he is taking a break because he isn't good enough for you makes no sense!

You could also just postpone your marriage plans until he feels more worthy of you, and continue to be the way you are as boyfriend and girlfriend. If he doesn't agree to this then maybe he's not telling you the real reason why he wants to go on a break, but that's up to you to judge.

I agree with Dear's advice. I wonder though, if you guys do get back together and times get tough for him again, will he push you away again? Will he ask for another break? When two people in a relationship love and care for each other, they should be able to weather any storm together. Its cool that you gave him space to sort out his own life, and yeah, of course you are sad, but also use this time to focus on yourself and trying to have a good time without him. Have you guys talked about his negativity having a damaging effect on the relationship? Do you guys fight about it? Because if only he is thinking it, and forced that idea upon you, then I find it a bit odd. Either he's suffering from major insecurity issues, or something else could be going on.

This message is for Snow-Congrats on your success.

If you guys were talking marriage and you've been together a year half, I don't quite understand why he would want to be by himself. Being in a long term relationship means that there is going to be bad times. It's just bound to happen. Like Dear and the other posters said, what happens when you hit another valley? Is he going to run away? You should be someone he would turn to in a difficult time, not flee from. I would say, when he comes back that you both need to sit down and have a serious conversation. I would also think about some premarital counseling before you walk down that aisle. It can really start you off on the right foot.

i agree with you Luckyme.

if he bails out now, what's gonna happen when you two are married with kids and he gets laid off?? is he gonna leave you and you 3 bad-a*s kids (visualize girl. visualize) all alone in your house with a past due mortgage and the repo-man looking for your Jeep Liberty?

he sounds like a weenie. i don't eat hot dogs.

but if you insist on being with a weenie, then you better have a FIRM talk with him, and have some premarital counseling too.

because he needs to stand up and be a man. you don't have all the time in the world to baby his insecurities.

good luck.

Respect his request, and leave him alone.

Also, I find it disturbing that he doesn't think he's worthy of you. Per your words, he feels less of a man. He seems really insecure. Truthfully, I think that's a red flag. Insecurity in a man (or in a woman) breeds all kinds of characters flaws, I think.

And guess what? If he doesn't think he's worthy of you, then he's not. He becomes what he believes.

Regretfully, I think you should let him go. He's not a keeper.

Be with someone who is devoted to you, and believes he's worthy of you. Likewise, he will become what he believes.

Just be sure that his asking for space isn't, or doesn't become, a habit. It's fair to ask once, but more than that isn't fair to you. Also set a limit with yourself that feels right for how long you are willing to wait around. (He doesn't need to know about it.) If he takes longer, it's time to let him know you love him but that you will not wait around forever. It's ok to respect your boyfriend's needs but not when respecting him means disrespecting you.

I think he was really overwhelmed when he asked for the break, and that in a couple of weeks, he'll regret it, want to call and get back together. I don't know if he'll do it, because his self-esteem is so low right now that he may feel he doesn't deserve another chance, so if I were you, and I wanted to 1. support him and 2 .let him know I'm waiting, I would write him a letter - with a ton of love and encouragement in it, and the reassurance that when he's over this bad hump, he should call you right away because you miss him and want to be there for him.

But then he has to learn that life as a couple is about partnership, and that when the sh*t hits the fan, you don't just walk away to deal with it each on your own - you hold hands and face things together. I'm guessing his parents must not have been very happy together... he obviously wasn't taught or shown by example the value of partnership, and that we are stronger as a whole.

You are really brave for giving him his space without rolling yourself on the floor - but don't forget also to 1. assert your role in the relationship; 2. make sure he knows you are there for him. Nicely, f course... but maybe he doesn't know how to give you #1 and he's afraid that #2 isn't true, and he needs to be gently reminded.

Good luck!

I do think that he was considering your feelings here & didn't want to drag you down & I think that is a noble thing to do, but if and when you two get back together, you should discuss that you are there for the good times and the bad. You are eachother's support system & shouldn't push each other away. You deal with the hard times together.

I think you should put your foot down and demand to be a with a partner, not someone who feels he has to take care of you financially.

If one of you has a problem, you should try to solve it together.

Being in a healthy relationship means sticking it out through the hard times and communicating, which it doesn't sound like he's ready for.

You don't push someone away while you're in the process of making a better life for the two of you. That doesn't make sense.
I get that the guy is proud and wants you to have the best. BUT if pushing you away is his answer to getting the best for you, then he isn't the sharpest tool in the box. He has to know that by pushing you away now he's showing you his backbone which is essentially his strength of character is non-exsistent...
I agree with the commenters above who said this will more than likely happen again. So get used to it.
You even said, "He’s always had a tendency to push people away when he gets overwhelmed.."...so there is your proof, he is not ready for a committed relationship if he has that much trouble handling stress. And you don't honestly want someone who handles stress that way, do you? You can't, no sane person would.
You obviously care a lot for this guy...so maybe it's worth it for you to stick with him. However, I just see a lot of heartbreak on your side and a lot of character flaws on his end...
Good luck to you.

I agree with GlowingMoon. If he doesn't have self confidence and you do, you may be very incompatible. RED FLAG!

It is kind of cute and endearing to have a fixer-upper of a boyfriend, but let me tell you, the shine wears off. I married my fixer-upper and no matter how much I encouraged him, he just didn't believe in himself. It ruined our relationship and we are getting a divorce. No matter how confident and accomplished I was, it wouldn't wear off on him and it just ended up dragging me down as well.

This may be a blessing in disguise.

My ex used that excuse when he broke up with me. "You deserve someone better". So, you know what I did? FOUND SOMEONE BETTER!

i Love you Karlotta. i just knew you was gonna say something lovey-dovey like that. it's soo cute, i can't even disagree with you. i hope you have a good man, because with that heart, a mutha-uka can run a number on you, girl.