nothing wrong with feeling alive : )

rather than marriage
maybe a special
friendship ?

one is only young once
maybe he just needs you help?
to find both him
...and another ?

What ever you do, just know there aren’t much nice guys out there... And your guy sounds nice to me... Usually people realize they had something good after they loose it…

If you marry your boyfriend, you are going to be sleeping with him for the rest of your life. If the idea of that makes you cringe, then you really shouldn't marry him. Sexual incompatibility usually leads to major problems. If you aren't getting what you need, you'll start looking for it elsewhere. From the sound of it, you are already tempted to go elsewhere.

If you want to keep this guy and have a better sex life, you need to sit him down and say: Look, I love you and our relationship is great, but I need a more exciting sex life. Tell him some of the things you'd like to try, and see if he's willing. If he is willing, that is a good sign and you can see if it helps with your temptations.

But please be up front about this with him and tell him what you need. If he can't or doesn't want to change, then honestly I'd consider breaking up. The devastation of a failed marriage will be nothing compared to the pain of a breakup now.

Also, keep in mind that 4 years into any relationship, the sex isn't usually as exciting as it was at the beginning. So just know that you might keep falling into this trap unless you learn how to spice it up with your current man.

Good luck!

I agree with ShoeS. There are not that many nice guys out there, and once you were done romping around with all these guys you'd be mighty lonely. Think about what's more important...sex or having the love of your life by your side for the rest of your life? There are always options with sex to make it more exciting...role play, toys, new positions, etc. Besides, do you really want to be known as the town skank?

Are you absolutely sure that he isn't adventurous? You might be assuming this because he's shy or thinks that you dont want to do certain things. Try surprising him with a cute *outfit*, or like Angel said, go get some toys. You might find someone else who's better in bed, but he might turn out to be a crappy husband. Stick with this one. Cosmopolitan has a great book out if you want to try new stuff.

I agree, i say try to spice things up at home before you make a rash decision. You really are very young still and I understand the dilema between your choices. Think very hard about which way to go, once you make that choice EVERYTHING ELSE WILL WORK IT'S SELF OUT.

If this goes beyond the need of kinking up your sex life with your boyfriend and into the area of "is sexual experience with one person going to be enough of the experience I want for the rest of my life", and I think it does from how you say things, then I can help in some way hopefully.

My boyfriend and I have been through exactly what you are going through. He was in your position and I was in your boyfriends. We had been together since we were 19 and 20, and didn't expect to find that kind of love so soon in our lives. We both expected to have that swinging fun single life and then find someone when we were older. He proposed a break initially, and yes, it broke my heart, because it made me feel like I wasn't making him happy enough, but I did my best to cope and because I loved him so much and had the same sort of feelings I actually understood (even though it was emotionally challenging and conflicting). We had some single time and it was fun, but we came back together because that was what we wanted more. Maybe we came back together too soon because we actually had another (harder) break a couple years later (his decision) which was much more complicated because we were even more in love and it made him even more conflicted, but he wanted to do what was right for him and unfortunately a year after that, we went through it again and broke up.....we always kept our communication open and honest, and thats why he was always comfortable enough to come to me with his feelings....well, after that last break up he made a mistake of sleeping with someone too close to our personal lives (a co-worker) and made him realize that all the stuff he thought he needed (being young and wild, and casual sex) wasn't what he needed and he fought very hard to get me back and show me how much he loved me (he *never* felt we needed to separate for not being in love with me, it always made it hard because we DID love each other so much, honestly). We got back together, and things have been like any relationship, amazing and hard - but we were always willing to work through it together and figure things out.
We have faced those challenges and can look back and see that it put us through a lot of pain and would have liked to figure out a way that we could have done things better and not taken breaks/broken up so much and made things so complicated, but we both realized that we were so lucky to have found the love we did at an early age - instead of thinking we found each other too early ...we went through a lot and it made us better people and made our relationship stronger and taught us a lot of lessons, but we were on the same page and completely open and honest with each other the entire time. We've been together for five years at this point, so all of this is fairly recent, and like it always has been when we are together - we feel like we are more in love each day and just get happier (say it with me, "aaaw!")

I wish I could say things would work out the same way for you and your boyfriend, but who knows. If you really feel that this is a love you found and don't want to let go of him, then do your best to hold on to it and don't risk losing it for something physical. I know my boyfriend regrets not realizing that earlier, but he also knows he needed to do what felt right for him back then to make sure things could be right with us later (we are both very afraid of divorce as well). I always understood and respected that, even though sometimes it tested the limits of my heart and pride. There were also times where I needed space too but wasn't aware of it until he began to talk to me about the space he needed (which made me realize I could have ignored those feelings for years and then suddenly been hit with them when we were married and had kids) -

Geez, I'm sorry for the essay, I just want to try to give you both sides and then the alternatives (there were times where I was already walking away from him even though I didnt want to because I felt he was taking too much and pushing the limits of things farther than I should be willing to deal with, no matter how much I loved him) He had to fight VERY hard to get me back and had to prove a lot and trust issues became the forefront of our problems.

You have a lot of thinking, and your feelings are TOTALLY understandable and not wrong at all. You ARE young, but that doesn't mean much when it comes to LOVE.

No matter what you decide, you will be taking a risk (losing him now or losing him later by not acknowledging how you feel now) but of course you are also taking the risk of separating now and being happy later *yet permanently*, or not separating at all and growing further in love and happily moving on from the feelings you are conflicted with now.

I wish you the best and hope I have been able to give you a glimpse of how things might or might not happen...I wish I could be a little more concise! =)

Best of luck, feel free to ask more if you need, I just really understand what you're going through. I hope I haven't confused you more.

I think the way you put it- that you're fantasizing- is exactly right. The reality of dating around is that it usually takes a long, long time to find someone that you like enough to want to spend time around, nevermind hook up with, and when you do hook up it takes a while to get on the same page sexually, if that ever happens.

You and your boyfriend may be in a rut, but your wandering mind is probably making it seem like a much bigger sexual rut than it is. Having sexual fantasies are fine and healthy, but consider how you would feel if he told you he wanted to put you on hold to have sex with other people. If you are considering marriage with him because you love him, not because it's "that point" in the relationship, think long and hard about what you will be losing if you tell this to him.

Your partner deserves to be loved and respected, as do you. Talk to your single friends about the bar life though, when you get down to it I've found that despite the fun and camaraderie there's a lot of drinking, a lot of laughing too loudly and hoping the right person will see you, and a lot of going home very alone compared to what you're used to.

WOW! It is a beautiful thing that you two have only been with each other. That is very rare in today's world. I would do anything to have that with my husband. The grass does always look greener on the other side. I have been single for a short bit during a divorce and it was the worst time of my life. (now we are back together) I am attractive and the only thing I noticed about men this summer is they are all out for ONE thing sex. Don't hurt yourself.
~~~ Niki ~~~