I understand that you want to spend time with your husand... But I have a question... Do you work outside the home, full-time?

I only ask because if you don't, you may not be able to see things from his point of view... You work the grind all week, then Friday comes along, and all you want to do is kick back without the worry of work the next day.

And as you point out, he's not out all evening. He's home early enough for primetime TV. I think what he's doing is completely resonable. Why don't you get a hobby for late Friday evening? Like yoga... Or go out with your friends during that time.

I think if this is the one time during the week that he goes out with his friends, and you're up "on his grill" about it, you're going to have big problems. He sounds like a great guy. He just wants to decompress at the end of the week. And rightly so.

You would like him to compromise his unwinding time with the boys once a week while you are unwilling to buck up and go with him even once because it's "not your idea of fun"!? He's home by 7!! To you!!

Honestly, I don't even understand how you can write this out without embarassment.

Damn, can't the man get a break? This sounds ridiculous. Not only does he invite you to go with him...which is almost unheard of, but he's home by 7pm! There are still plenty of hours left in the night and the rest of the "weekend" for that matter for you guys to enjoy family time. He isn't asking for much at all, can't he just go and wind down with a couple of friends. I don't think he should have to compromise one bit your the one making something out of nothing. I could see if he stayed out all night but he doesn't. Why is this causing so many fights in your home? Be reasonable! You sound like a nag.

I know you feel silly writing this and it's great that you're being honest. I sometimes feel the same way you do when my boyfriend wants to do something else. I think it's mainly out of insecurity? I agree with the above poster who mentioned taking up a hobby like yoga. Even if there is a baking/cooking class or something else on that same night, you wouldn't come off as so needy. When your husband gets home, relax by cooking a simple dinner together or ordering in. You'll both be relaxed and much more happier around each other.

If anything, if he does give up his 3 hour Friday nights with his friends, he could grow to resent it, which will make the atmosphere when you two do spend Fridays together tense.

You do sound like you have a great husband and you are truly lucky. Hope things work out!

You are blowing it out of proportion. He only goes out ONCE A WEEK and is HOME BY 7!!!!! and he INVITES YOU!!!! I don't understand what it is wrong. You wanted him to have friends and now that he does you don't like it?

What it is your social life like? Maybe since your kids are teenagers now why don't you try to go out with some friends every once in awhile. To me is sounds like you are maybe a little more jealous than actually hurt by his actions (which by the way it sounds like he is not doing anything wrong)

Sorry I just reread your question and it does say that you go out occasionally.

I still dont see the problem. Friday is technically a week night and if it is a day that works with all of his friends schedules then give it to him. You even said that your kids are not even there all the time.

Your husband is not disrespecting you. I mean he even invites you. A lot of wives dont even get that. Why not join him every once in awhile or even go out with your friends on that night.Or you use those nights by yourself for some me-time and relax

It sounds to me like you're just lonely. I get that. But the other commenters have a point. If he's only out once a week, and he's home pretty early, there really isn't a problem, except that he has his friends around and you don't. Why don't you try hanging out with him on a Thursday night, or since your children are in their teens, try a movie once or twice a month with him after he's been out with his friends? That way, he still gets his time out after work (and really, 7pm isn't that late), and you get to start your family weekend off the way you like. If you don't want to go out to a movie, then stay home and rent a video, or pick a board game to play after work. Maybe the two of you can pick a favorite show to watch (you can rent episodes of those too). If he's too tired after going out with his friends to really do much, consider going out to breakfast the next morning.

Be creative in finding time to spend with him, and I'm sure the two of you can come up with a compromise.

I think you are blowing this out of proportion. Wanting your husband to spend that 4:30-7 time with you almost seems controlling. If it is when his friends go out, it would be hard for him to insist that they do it at some other time. My answer would be a little different if you had young children, I think then that he would really have to consider it a treat to go out with his friends on Fridays, not the norm.

I am not sure why you have to go out with your friends on a weeknight, and why weekends (more specifically Friday 4:30-7) have to be family time. Why not meet some of your friends for coffee during that same time period? You could also use that time to take an exercise class, or as someone else suggested to rent or go see a movie. Since your husband has found a healthy way to use this time as personal time, I think you should do the same. Yes, it kind of stinks for you that he gets to choose when that happens, but honestly, his timing kind of makes sense as a way to unwind with his friends after a long week!

If you want to look forward to starting your weekend with him, why not meet him for dinner when he is done with drinks with his friends? You could also rent a movie with him when he comes home.

I agree with all the above posters. If you can't find something to do with yourself for a couple of hours early Friday eve., you need to get yourself a bit more of a life!

You and the "I've Lost the Butterflies" girl should talk...

Compromise! Your husband comes home that early after going out to drink with his buddies? My husband comes home...much later than that if he goes out to drink w/ friends.

Anyway, how about you go out with him once in awhile to have a drink with his buddies, and then ask him to go every other week and make a date night thing. Don't stress out too much about this, you two just have to take it lightly so you guys can compromise.

Good luck to you.

Above comment was rather harsh. The writer was being honest and she said that maybe she could be blowing this out of proportion, she just wanted some advice on how she was acting. This website is about asking questions that might be too personal to share with others. No need to bash - if you have no advice at all, don't insult.

well, not above.. but 2 above.

i'm p*ssed! why she can't get her fonky-a*s Friday nights with him?!

the point is that she feels lonely on these nights and all she wants is him on this particular night.

understand that he works ALL week. so does she with them bobble-headed kids of hers (no offense to the post. i'm sure your kid's heads aren't THAT big).

i think HE should be glad that even she allows him to go out at all. be one of those wives who just let the man work and bring a check home. put him on lock.

i'm tired of hearing these needy-a*s women (your feelings are still valid)post on here, and we write off their feelings and tell them to compromise. WE are always compromising. She wants Fridays dog-it!

he should alternate his Fridays with the buddies and her. make him suffer. i don't give a d*mn if he works. like he's the King. well the Queen needs time too. that's my compromise; alternate Fridays. if he can't do that . . .well, wait for my answer on Tuesday.

She wants him on these nights BECAUSE he isn't available, it just doesn't make sense.

All I can say is that if my husband had an issue with this if I were the one going to happy hour, or pilates, or whatever it might be, I would be really angry and feel like he was controlling.

I think the wife needs to let her husband have his friday nights and stop being selfish. It isn't all about her, the guy needs time to relax as well. And come on, home by 7 is early and the Friday is a weekday not a weekend. But you aren't even willing to accompany him when he invites you but you want to b*tch about it b/c he isn't spending time with you? Does that make logical sense to you?

i agree that this woman is completely ridiculous. first off, friday from 430-7 is 2 1/2 hrs. how is this even being considered as the wkend? you can't let go for 2 1/2 hrs and give your husband some peace of mind? your actions scream selfish and irrational emotions. save the unnecessary drama and stop being so needy.

I don't feel like much time is wasted if your husband is home by 7 p.m. on a Friday. If you know he's going to be out for those 2 1/2 hours every Friday, start a ritual with you girls to go out at the same time so you and your husband can be home at the same time and spend the remainder of the night together.

I'm assuming your husbands friends don't want to go out on the weeknights because of being prepared for work the next day. You should try to understand that and let him have his few hours because you could be in someone else's situation and have him coming in at 2 or 3 in the morning.

Seriously, Heather???

You sound very controlling and needy. You need to grow a pair of breasts, and be a woman.

I agree with Asia84 pretty much.

She works all day too, she shouldn't be the only one who has to compromise...

this is a texas thing. not saying it's okay, just saying that's what a lot of men there do. if you don't go with him i think it's dangerous. maybe you could alternate, one friday at his bar and one out just the 2 of you. i'm not a fan of married people cruising the bar scene w/o their spouses. to much can happen or look bad to people that might see something they don't understand and then the gossip starts. maybe start bringing your single gf's to meet his single guy friends, lol.

Jesus, has no one heard of happy hour?! Okay, pretend a woman was on here writing about how she takes pilates or something every Friday and her husband wants her home, even though she devotes the rest of her week to him and to her family. I would be the first to be like..."that is totally unfair, he needs to give you two or three hours a week to yourself!" Admit it Asia, you would tell a woman that as well.

So what if it's a man in a bar, 4:30-7 is not the same as after 10pm! I can't even believe you would tell her to worry about gossiping people because he is going to happy hour with his male friends! Unless she has some serious trust issues, the last thing this woman needs to do is worry about babysitting him because of what people will think!

btw...it's not a texas thing, they have happy hour everywhere.

I agree with snowbunny up there. Happy hour does happen everywhere and not just in Texas.

I do think however that the husband should alternate every other week to be with the guys. It's always good to do something special with the one you love on a Friday night. I mean come on... it's just the guys. It's not like they're gonna reject him for not spending time with them. This woman is asking for just something very simple. Who knows... maybe the guys and their gf/ wives can all come over to this woman's house and watch a movie or have gamenight! That way everyone's happy! But Friday night is a very special night of the week. I mean it's the start of the weekend (NO WORK!!! WOOP WOOP!!!).

He's home by 7pm. I wouldn't even consider that spending a Friday NIGHT away from her. When my husband and I go out to dinner, it's NEVER before 7pm.

No snowbunnys ( i love adding the 's' to weird names), i wouldn't. every situation is different. i am commenting in the posters scenario. you know what i would tell her? "you should've spoiled ya hubby, now his a*s wants you to be house-maid, Mammy." that's what i would say.

if he alternates Fridays, then that will make her feel special. i'm sure she would go for that.

but instead, we suppose to give him his space. he's the king. it's only 2.5 hours. d*mn, why can't he give her that 2.5 hours every other Friday?? maybe that's the night the kids go to the movies, and maybe she goes to bed early. maybe she wants to be completely alone with him, not at no d*mn bar with his 'tardo friends.

i'm just standing up for her emotions, that's all. i'm not gonna sit here and tell her to get over it, because these are her feelings. d*mn y'all, i'm trying to have a heart today.

she just wants to know that he will pick her over his friends.it sounds needy, but if that's how she feels then her husband needs to understand that.

Well Heather you're definitely not the cool wife...relax and find something during the week to make him miss you. (salsa, ballroom, book club, pole cardio which might help you pull the stick from your a, sorry but your post is what gives wives the name BALL AND CHAIN) If happy hour ain't for you don't go out with him and his friends (even tho it show he does want to spend time with you and other people he cares to share his time with)...plus you might freak if there are some hotties with their goodies on display...bcuz it seems like maybe your jealous that he is happy for his time away from the family and work to talk sports and drink beer and probably checking out the scenery (does not mean he's looking for someone else, he's just not blind). Maybe a full time job will help gain some perspective and keep you occupied so you don't look for reasons to ruin a good thing. I will say as a woman who work 50-60 hrs a week there's nothing like a Friday happy hour and I always try to invite my girlfriend who have the same needy syndrome but they alway find a reason to rush home and WAIT for their husbands to return to them. Men don't want what so available, it's the truth. I work with 90% men and they talk and it's not all flattering...but its honest talk.

Yes, you are blowing this WAY out of proportion.

Which ever recent poster said that this seems to be about you needing to know that your huband would pick you over his friends hit the nail on the head. There is no logical reason why your night should not begin around 7pm when happy hour ends--after all, most movies, plays, concerts, and primetime tv shows start between 7.30 and 8, and most restaurants serve dinner until 10 or later. And if you're at home cooking for the kids until then, why not just think of that as the end of your workday and let the weekend begin when all that work is done, which I'm assuming would probably be around 7?

I don't mean to devalue your feelings, but it may be useful to examine why you're having such strong feelings around a 2 hour block of time, and what sounds like extremely innocent, normal behaviour on your husband's part.

You need to be a complete person without your kids and husband, they are there to enhance your life not for you or them to fill empty spaces in time. A family likes to spend time together but as individuals each member wants to explore and expand their interest outside the family. Some people enjoy simple things like your husband while others like to take an art class or video games or hanging out at the mall...etcetera etcetera etcetera. Have you thought of volunteering at a battered women's shelter or reading to children at the local library something that helps you feel better about yourself while bettering the lives of others.

My boyfriend's friends are very important to him; so a couple of times a week, he goes out with them... until the wee hours of the morning. He always invites me, but spending Tuesday night in a club isn't my idea of "fun", so I let him go by himself and stay home alone and get some "me-time"! At first it was really hard for me, I was wondering what was wrong with me that he preferred to be out with them than home with me - I mean, pretty much, on those nights, he comes home an hour before I get up, so I sleep all alone!

Then I realized - he's home with me EVERY NIGHT. EVERY WEEKEND. And he's so happy to see them, because they're a big part of his life (they lived together before he lived with me) and that doesn't take anything away from me; it just makes his life richer and more fun. And the fact that I never b*tch about it makes him very grateful... which in turn makes him a nicer BF.

What I mean is, if Friday is the night his friends go out, and he's only out 3 hours (back in time for dinner?!), and then you have him all weekend, try to put yourself in his shoes; he's worked all week, he devotes the rest of his time to you, and it's really relaxing for him to be able to hang out with his buddies - please not only LET HIM DO IT, but BE HAPPY for him. He has people in his life who appreciate him and who have fun with him; that sounds like a cool guy! So think about that next time he's out, and think how great it is that he ISN"T out until 6AM, that he doesn't come home drunk, and that the rest of the time, he's all yours.

Spend those few hours driving the kids to their grandparents, exercising, taking a bubble bath, putting on a little sexy something something, make-up, and cooking dinner with a nice wine. Your weekend may start 3 hours late, BUT IT WILL BE A DAMN GOOD START!

there are 30 other comments on this issue, but i'll make it short for you. You are living your own manifest destiny. Go to the bar like he asked you to, and maybe he will come home on a friday night like you ask him to. Get creative...it would be pretty easy to turn that friday night trip to the bar into a date for just the two of you...escape early and go to a movie.

He gets home by 7? And he does this one night a week? He's really not asking for much, in my opinion.

I'm just imaging a scenario where I meet up with my girlfriends for happy hour once a week and am home at a reasonable hour, and my boyfriend complains that I'm not spending all my free time with him. I would be so... annoyed. And I would think he was being controlling.

Personally, I think you are blowing this out of proportion, and I do not think you should ask him to sit out Happy Hour every other Friday. That is the type of thing that makes it seem like he's a man on a leash with the old ball and chain waiting at home and ready to nag him.

I just want to add that I am not trying to say anything along the lines of, "be grateful you just HAVE a man!" and let him do whatever he wants. My boyfriend always jokes that I am such the feminist, and I am, but I just still give the same respect to my boyfriend that I would want for myself, and I think that as strong women we can figure out what to do for a couple hours every week.

There are about 100 ways I would agree with Heather here; if they had very young children, if he had a drinking problem, if he went out to pick up women, if he came back super late EVERY Friday, if he had never been to one of his daughter's soccer games because they are on Friday...but Heather doesn't mention any of these things as being an issue, so I just can't really understand what the problem is except that her husband isn't "choosing her over his friends" as someone said.

I understand that you want to spend weekend nights with your husband, but honestly, is this that big of a deal? Hes got to be able to do what he wants once in a while. Hes obviously not doing it to get away from you (as he invites you) hes not being secretive about what hes doing, and he doesnt stay out late (home by seven when out with the guys?! Most women would kill to have a husband like that) Why cant the two of you have a date night after he gets home? Seven oclock is not late for a weekend night, and still leaves plenty of time for the two of you. I think maybe you need to reevaluate your demands and loosen the reigns a little...no offense...but really. You arent willing to even go with him, so why should he be willing to do it on a different night or scrap it all together? Do you think maybe you are being a bit too controlling?

I agree with eternity and popgoestheworld. People are much more willing to negotiate when they feel like the other person is negoatiating with them..not demanding them to do something. What if you said to him "If I come with you this week, can you just come straight home next week?" It shows that you are willing to make a sacrifice for his happiness, which will make him much more willing to make a sacrifice for yours. And like eternity said, you can always ditch the bar after a while and go do something just the two of you. You children are teenagers so they can probably take care of themselves while mom and dad go out.

When ever you get frustrated with something he does, just remember to flip the situation; You work a long hard week, and friday rolls around and all you want to do is get a few drinks with the girls to unwind and relax. Meanwhile your husband is at home getting pissed about it because he wants to spend every friday with you alone...what would YOU do?

Dear Heather,
I think everybody is missing the point. I get it. It's not really about Friday nights. It's about something more than that. You left a comfortable place surrounded by a strong support network that doesn't take overnight to rebuild, and you haven't quite adjusted. Maybe your husband isn't getting it either. So you're focused on this one Friday night issue that is serving as a surrogate for a different, underlying problem that is just much harder to put your finger on. Besides, everyone must think that now after 7 years, you should be okay with it, but I sense from your very first sentence that this is not the case.
I know. I married a wonderful foreigner (will not disclose details), and despite that this was not the original plan, we ended up moving overseas three years ago with our two very young kids. It has been a major transition for me and he and I still are struggling with some kind of balance around HE-time, ME-time, US-time, and FAMILY-time. I think this is a normal thing that partners go through, but the move puts you on an uneven playing field - you are in HIS territory. For me, at first it was horrible - he comes from a party culture and he would be out with the boys until very very late. Now he gets it that it's not cool, but there is still a big disparity. It still irks me when his friends just show up or I have other ideas in mind and he doesn't bother asking. Main thing is, that meeting new friends (especially for me in another country) is just not that easy and takes a whole lot of time, particularly when you are a little older - not in college anymore.
So my advice, if you call it that, and for what it's worth, is to keep trying to dig down deeper and figure out what this issue is really about and address THAT thing that's bugging. I'm still working on it here.
Good luck!

yeah, you ought to cut the guy some slack here...i mean, my dad goes out sometimes after work on fridays (he gets out at 330), and he doesn't call my mother, and he isn't home until after 10. just be grateful hes not being inconsiderate like that. the man just wants to let loose for a bit...he's even INVITING you to go!!!

If this is your biggest problem you should relax a bit. Your kids are teenagers and have their own lives. You should find something to do that you like during that time he's out. Meet him at home or somewhere you both agree on around the time he would usually get home.

I was shocked when you said he's home by 7. I thought you were going to say he was out until all hours of the night. You're being unreasonable.

wow...some harshness up there. well miss poster, i think that you're on the right track when you say you're blowing it out of proportion--sorry to say, my dear, but you are. as has been pointed out by a lot of posters, it's 2.5 hours one night a week, and those hours aren't from 10:00 PM - 12:30 AM. unfortunately, you need to let it go.
that, however, is not to say that i don't COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from--i do, because my boyfriend does the same thing every friday. i used to cry, and have tantrums, and yell...and then i tried going out with my girlfriends which just prompted DRUNKEN crying/screaming/yelling...and then i finally just said to him, "I don't get it why you don't want to be with ME on friday night. it's the weekend! it's fun time! don't you want to be with me for that?"
want to know what he said?
"i DO want to be with you then, but this is when all the guys get together. they're all out until midnight, and i come home at 8 o'clock--even though it's to a screaming girlfriend--because i DO want to be with you for the weekend."
well...that shut me up right quick. ever since then, i've been totally okay with it (with the exception of pangs of grr-arrrgh at him being at a bar and getting hit on by skanky girls, lol, but that's my own insecurity). i bet you will be, too.

I also think you are blowing this out of proportion. I think that now that your kids are becoming more independent you need to do the same thing and get out there and do more things on your own. The man is home by 7 he is not out at all hours, on top of that you are invited instead of complaining about the topic of conversation join them once or twice a month.

To Expatriate - i've lived abroad my whole life and moved countries about eight times...my mom never ever had issues with my dad being out. She just found things to do for herself - learn the language of the new country, join clubs, join a gym, etc. Plus, expats usually travel abroad for business a lot too...My dad is always gone on business trips. My mom loves this alone time! Granted, they have been married for 25 years now. I honestly can't imagine life any other way, so i'm hoping that my future husband will be an expat as well. You get to live a great life, experience a new country, and I bet you anything that your husband's expat package is great.

To the OP - let your husband have his alone time with the boys! He is home by 7!! Now if he came home at 4 am, i'd be worried, but he respects your time, and you should respect his! You have the whole weekend to spend with him, why does Friday night matter so much? Get out there, find things to do for yourself. Go shopping during those hours. Get drinks with the girls. Men love women who are independent.

Wow posters are harsh -even if I do agree with them. Heather- I think you deep down have a bigger issue. You are lonely and you dont really have anyone else while he does. I know you feel like he is choosing them over you but keep it in perspective. If he does this every Friday night -yeah it can be annoying for you but honestly- unless you have some interesting plans that DIFFER from your other nights (staying in and watching tv or eating out ) and your Sat nights- I dont think it is fair for you to expect him to rush home to you for what he is rushing home the other nights for. If you are really bothered step back -ask yourself if you can be busy every friday -take a class- read a book -do all the single behavior you had no chance to do with him around.

I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing, but that's between you and him. It seems like you might be making this into something it's not. You clearly have a problem with this, but it's got to go deeper or to something different, and it's that other thing you need to talk about. Are you jealous? You've got to find a way to deal with this. There's nothing wrong with him going to happy hour on a Friday. Maybe you should go along, try to make an effort. If it's that bad, then don't, but if you do it regularly with him you might find you enjoy it. Yes they'll talk about work, but other stuff too, and you can direct the conversation to that other stuff. Good luck.

Wow, it's shocking to me that so many of these comments are so harsh.

It seems like your husband is being pretty reasonable and respectful. He needs some time to wind down from his week, and meeting his friends at the bar provides a stress-free environment for him to do so. If he was coming home at 9 or 10, I'd say he was being inconsiderate, but 7? That's pretty early.

If you feel he doesn't make time for you, then that's another issue. Maybe suggest he stops at Blockbuster on the way home from the bar so that you can watch a movie together before bed? Or ask him to stop and get dessert, or champagne and orange juice for mimosas with your Saturday breakfast.

It sounds like you wish he'd show that he wants to spend time with you, so let him know that. Arguing with him over his Friday night with the boys is not going to help bring you closer, or make him want to spend time with you. Let him know how he can make you feel better about things, and then let him take the initiative to do so.

Best of luck.

The guy is home by 7:00 p.m. That's the start of the evening, so you DO have you husband on Friday night. What are you not getting before 7:00 p.m. that you want? I genuinely don't understand.

The very idea that a woman can have her man "on lock" is pretty dang silly.

he's going to a bar.  what is he not getting at home that he needs to get; in a bar.  married people don't need to be together all the time and i don't think that's what she is saying.  why does it have to be in a bar?  sit around and drink for a couple of hours and then drive home?  yeah that's smart.  why can't the guys go out to dinner, play on a sports team, something that doesn't involve and alcohol; every week. and don't think anything that happens after 10:00 can't start before hand.

bottom line is that this makes her uncomfortable and since it's her marriage it's a problem. maybe even a different bar would be better if there is a reason this place isn't sitting well.

I agree with lickey split too. Whether we all think this poster if overreacting or not, she has a problem with this, so the husband should address it.

Lickety split and Muirnea are right - something is wrong, and as I posted earlier, I think it is NOT just about this friday night thing, but a bigger issue that she has to explore TOGETHER with her husband. I'm guessing it still has to do with the move - but re-reading the message, perhaps also something about an early "empty nest" - her teenagers are now going out more. My own kids are very little but I can say that we moms spend a WHOLE lot of time doing things for other people and wishing for personal time. But when that time finally comes, I imagine that after so many years, habits are hard to break and you have to figure out how to fill in that hole. Maybe Heather is starting to experience this . . .