She can bring her if she wants. But I am not going to jepordize MY fun because of it. I will help her set up an area in an empty room for the babe.
One of my good friends has a baby too and brings her everywhere she goes cuz she is also a single mom. I just try to ignore it. And heonstly, by 8 the baby is SLEEPING. So, no biggie.

Before she even had the chance to ask, it should have been stated that she couldn't bring her child or strongly suggested it was a bad idea. Because this wasn't the case, let her bring her child. Most likely she'll leave early because it isn't the best place for the baby. Before she leaves, suggest that the two of you hang out at a more kid friendly place at a later time to celebrate your birthday.

probably the reason you never see your friend is because of the baby! you would be a good friend to let her bring the baby, and set up something in another room for the little one.

I don't know how wild a party can get either, that it wouldn't be safe for a little infant blob to sleep in the other room for a little while. if the kid was a toddler, and was walking around staring at everyone while they smoked and drank and repeated all their cuss words, then it would be bad.

I agree with KrisSugar.
I've got a friend of a friend who has twins and she brings them everywhere. She usually ends up chasing them around and leaving about an hour later. But at least my friend gets to see her for a little bit. It's better than nothing.

I haven't seen this friend in ages and it seems like she really wants to come. So, I'll just suck it up and let her take the baby with her. But I'd arrange a babysitter for her to take care of the baby when she gets to my house. I'd like her to be able to enjoy the party, too.

let her bring the baby =) its not like ur gonna be the one taking care of him/her.

If my "friend" said flat out, after i told her not to bring her offspring, that she was still bringing it I would let her...and not structure the celebration around her kid. Play the music, drink the drinks and if she says anything, smile and say "i told you it wasnt going to be kid friendly" what can you do?

than i would lost that girls number and pray she loses mine

This isn't a big deal. The social settings where I live don't mind if you bring your child, because they usually have kids...lol

I'd suck it up. After all, I didn't say NO when she asked, I just discouraged it. And, I haven't seen her in a while. I agree with the others though, that I wouldn't change the party to accommodate past providing a place for the kid to sleep or whatever.

And for the grammar correction of the day, I'm pretty sure it should be "You feel bad, but you..." not "You feel badly, but you..."

I don't know..what about the perspective from the hostess and whether or not it might bother the other guests. Think about it.. if she keeps the baby there with everyone else and the baby is crying and making a lot of noise then it might be bothersome. Also, if I am invited to a an adult party and there is a kid there then I have to watch what I say and do (not that I get crazy but it does make a difference). I think it would all depend on what type of get together it is and how the baby acts. I've had that happen to me and the little kid was getting into everything and I had to take time away from my guests to go after the kids b/c the mom wasn't always paying attention!

Let her bring the baby. As a mom, I know for sure that she'd definitely be chasing after the baby (if the child is a toddler and running around) or be taking care of her in the other room.
I'd probably neaten up my bedroom so she can go there and care for the baby/toddler when she needs some quiet time.
I'm betting she won't last too long at that party if the baby's not having it.

The baby is 8 months old. If this is an evening party, the baby will most likely be passed out in another room. It wouldn't bother me if she brought her child along if it was the only way she could come. If this was an older child who would be running around the party, I wouldn't have just discouraged it. I would have said that I was sorry but I was looking to host an adults only party and I would offer to help her find a sitter.

I'd let her bring the baby and give my room as the quiet space but I would not sacrifice the party fun!

Grown and sexy, not "where's your binkie".

i have friends who are married and have children, but if they can't get a sitter, then they don't come. i agree with Sjj158, it makes other folks uncomfortable.

and i wouldn't bring my kid (if i had one) to a party like that. that's not fair to the guest OR the baby. i hate when folks have them d*mn babies ad expect everyone to comply because they should be a "good friend".

i would've told homegirl up front, "well, this was suppose to be an adults-only thing. maybe we can meet up from lunch next week and hang out."

maybe i'm just more honest like that.

Gee, I'm so baby friendly that I always welcomed my friends children with open arms. In fact, I'd end up spending most of my time *with* the kids. But I'm not much of a partier, so I was never in a situation where that was going to come into play. I still say, let her bring the baby. At 8 months, he'll probably sleep through most of it anyway.

And a special thanks for today's grammar correction to popgoesthe world. It is 'bad' and not 'badly', although most people seem to make that mistake; right next to those errant apostrophes.

If she has to bring the baby then oh well. But, I would be a tad annoyed but it wouldn't ruin the fun!

this is a tough one, and i thinks it's really tough to tell her not to bring her kid. i had it happened to me once and she brought her two kids but she left really early before anyone else got there.. so you never know -she just might leave early when she realizes she's an odd man out.

Now that I read Asia84's comment I got a little more fired up. I agree 100%. It's not that I am anti-baby or anything as I'd like to have my own one day but I am tired of having to deal with accomodating people because of their choice to have kids. I've always felt that if you can't afford or find a sitter then you should stay home. I despise people who take their noisy children to an adult movie because they can't find someone to watch their kid. In my city we have a chain of movie theaters that doesn't allow kids under 18yoa to any adult movies and has a baby day where moms can take their babies to view a matinee movie. That's my kind of movie theater!

I would just tell that it's probably not the best environment for a baby to be in (drinking, loud music, etc.). And then I'd pick another day to spend time with her.

oh, i better make sure i state that i love babies too, or else the mommies on here will crucify me. LMAO

i DO like children. they are cute, and they smell pretty good.

i want to have one of those things one day. maybe 2 of them. twins run in my family, so maybe i'll get a 2 for 1 deal.

but i think it's rude to impose your kids on other folks regardless if they are parents or not.

like folks getting mad if you don't wants kids at their wedding. it's like, it's THEIR event. YOU either comply, or don't come. it ain't that deep.

most of my friends who have children have nannies. so they can up and leave whenever. even my colorful ghetto fab friend (who i still have no idea how she pays her bills) she has a 6 year old and she's the cutest little thing, but she NEVER brings her kid to ADULT events. she drops little-bit off at her mother's, or the baby-daddy if her hubby has to work.

so if ghetto-birds can be considerate, than everyone else can be too.

and i don't want to have the kid in my room sleeping while we party, because my house isn't baby-proof. and 8 month olds wake up, and they can roll/crawl around. i'm smelling a law suit.

because the same ubber-mommy who imposed the kid on you, will be the same h* that wants you to pay for the medical bill from when the kid rolled off the bed and cracked his/her head.

I love kids, but there is a time and place to bring them and a birthday party that is meant to be FUN doesn't fall into that category. Nowadays, people hire babysitters even when they need to go to the grocery store or run errands so I don't see why this is a problem. I definitely don't condone leaving your children with other people all the time, but I think that there are situations where children don't need to be included. I think that the birthday person should not feel obligated to allow the child to come over at all.

I agree with Asia84 on this. First of all, why would any good parent expose their baby to an environment where there will be drinking and loud music. I'm not implying that you're having a hardcore adult-oriented party but people get drunk at parties and accidents happen. Secondly, it's inconsiderate to you and your other guest who then feel as though they must 'cater' to this mother's needs during the party. "Oh, is the music too loud? Should we soften it just for your baby?" And, if she stuck in another room to herself taking care of the baby, how can she even have fun? You are not being selfish if you tell her she can't bring her child. Parents get too much leniency sometimes.

ii wud suqqest her to find a sitter if not then she will have to party with tha baby and look after the baby b/c this is a qrown up affair no kids and i dnt have any so ii wont put my fun on hold because hers is there iim sorry

I'm a mom, I have two kids, and I adore children in general.

BUT. I know a woman who consistently brings her child (who is now three) to adult-only parties. It's miserable, as a guest or as a host. The grown-ups feel they have to watch their language, edit their stories, and restrict any drinking, there aren't any toys for him to play with so he gets bored and wants the adults to entertain him (no surprise) and all the other guests are parents who took the trouble to find and pay for a babysitter so they could go have an adults-only time. How is that fair? I had one occasion where I paid for a babysitter to watch my kids so I could attend a party, only to have her show up with her child, who spent most of the night in my lap because his mother was ignoring him. It sucked for him, it sucked for me, the hostess was hacked off- the only one who was fine with the arrangement was the mom, and that was just because she was too clueless to care.

Well. That was longer than I'd expected. If you're throwing a party, you have the right to set the parameters. If she can't get a sitter, there's always the next party. Bringing a baby against the wishes of the hostess is extremely rude.

None of my friends with children would ever do this. They have sense enough to know that I would not want a baby at my birthday party. I would arrange a lunch or early dinner another evening but sorry I do not want a baby at my birthday party it is not the time nor the place.

Ugh. It's completely self-centered to bring a baby to an adult party. Some folks think they are so special and their perfect kids are exceptions to all rules.

I would find her a babysitter. I live closeby to a lot of my family members who wouldn't mind taking care of a baby for a few hours. Plus, my friends who do have children know and trust them, so it wouldn't be an issue on their part of "not knowing the sitter."

If the kid was 3 or 4, I could see that this would be a problem. They'd be running around and you'd have to see to them every second. I totally get that, and it's annoying when kids are brought to places where they shouldn't be - not just for the guests, but the kids can't be too happy about it either!

But the kid in question is [b]8 months old.[/b] He's going to be sleeping most likely, and if you put him in the bedroom, I don't see how it will cause a problem. The mom will just go in every once in a while and check and it shouldn't be an issue. If the music is so loud anyway, no one is going to hear a baby crying.

I can imagine this poor woman just wants to see her friends and enjoy some adult company, and she's desperate and can't find a sitter and/or she's still breastfeeding. I don't think you would be a very good friend to deny her to bring the baby unless the party venue is really ill-suited - i.e. it's a studio apt and there is no bedroom for the baby to sleep in. But on the other hand, if she's not a good friend of yours then, I mean, it's your party so you can choose.

I do have one other thought though - to the writer, are you worried that the baby will take the attention away from you as the birthday girl? I totally understand why you'd be feeling that way, but just remember that everyone is coming to see you, not the baby, and yeah, you might have to share the spotlight for like 10 minutes until the kid goes in the other room, but in that case, you should learn to deal for the short amt of time.

I'd probably ignore the mother and the brat, and/or put them both in a closet.

Your friend should understand your decision and respect your wishes for your once-a-year birthday party. Unless she is clueless, she would not insist on bringing her baby. IF you really want her to come, PAY for her babysitter or arrange something (I don't know your or her financial situations, but maybe she doesn't have to bring you a gift or something and spend it on a babysitter so you both can get some quality time together!). Having a baby is such a DRAG to everyone (not to mention that everyone at the party is going to think your friend is inconsiderate as well - you're doing her a favour by firmly saying no). Plus, even though the baby is 8 months, who is going to feel comfortable drinking with a baby in the next room? For posters who say that the baby is probably going to sleep, I don't think so with LOUD music and LOUD talking (laughing etc.)! Honestly, I can say that you will have a MUCH better time if you just tell her straight up no. I mean sure you are expected to be a good friend, but friendship takes two, and she should be considerate of your wishes as well (especially they are VERY reasonable --> adult birthday party is NO place for a BABY!) This discussion does not involve liking babies or not (totally irrelevant and NOT an argument point!)

don't bring no d*mn babies to MY house!

now, homegirl would feel bad if i was to say that to her. but she can't be mad if i was only telling her my true feelings. that's what FRIENDS do; they keeps it REAL.

i don't care if the baby is 8 day, 8 months or 8 years old. it's an ADULT event. this ain't reading-time with Barney and Friends.

cry me a contaminated river!

so d*mn what if she's thirsty to have some adult time. GET a SITTER. and i have friend who went places and breast-fed. so suck that crap up and geta breast pump.

and it's NOT fair to other moms and dads who paid their money and made arrangments to get a sitter. and HELL-naw i'm not gonna find her a sitter, and i d*mn sure wouldn't pay for it. YOU had the kid, so YOU need to face the fact that YOU may not be able to go everywhere you want to go, or that you won't get the same adults-only activities that you use to. that is YOUR bad, not everyone elses.

that's like having a wedding and saying it's black-tie, and you show up in jeans because "they are just so darn comfortable. . .and I want to be ME".

if you can't follow the host/hostess wishes, then keep you a*s at home with your breast-feeding life-leech (although i'm sure the babe is cute), and wait for your husband to come home and listen to you talk about how the baby did something grossly cute that day.

LMAO and rolling on the floor.

i just read the rest of Girlfriday's post.

first honey-bunch, it's a Handle This, meaning it's theoretical.

and the part, "I do have one other thought though - to the writer, are you worried that the baby will take the attention away from you as the birthday girl? I totally understand why you'd be feeling that way, but just remember that everyone is coming to see you, not the baby, and yeah, you might have to share the spotlight for like 10 minutes until the kid goes in the other room, but in that case, you should learn to deal for the short amt of time."

what is this 5th grade?! LOL

who the hell would be jealous of a baby???and the fact that you state that you understand is JUST HILARIOUS. thanks for the laugh.
that thought never ran across my mind.

but even if a b*tch was THAT pathetic, it's STILL her party. she can do what she wants to.

i just can't say anything more than LOLOLOLOLOL. that is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard, Girlfriday. LMAO, i just burned 10 calories laughing. . .

wow, i never would have thought this topic would have generated soo many different views. obviously everyone has their own opinions on children and i think the outcome of whether this child will be at your party really depends on how YOU feel about them in general. Honestly, if my friend who i hadn't seen in a while was bringing her 8 month old to my party, i wouldn't mind, as long as i got to see and spend some time with her. As far as arranging an area for her and the baby, i'd probably kindly let her know where she can do a diaper change if necessary but most likely she won't be staying long enough for her child to sleep. one thing to take into consideration is that this is an 8 month old in question, not a 3 year old. toddlers are alot of fun, but they're not that much fun when they're teetering around at an adult party where there are no other children. I think i would have drawn the line if the child was alot older.

one more thing- thank you girlfriday for stating some very vaild, mature points.

It really depends on the party, and the time the party is being held. If it's a midday garden party kind of vibe, then sure, bring the kid along.

If it's 'grown and sexy', like Asia suggested, then I would suggest she find a sitter or stay home until the next one. St. Patty's day is coming, right? A Spring Fling, maybe?

And it's pretty damn inconsiderate for a "good friend" who knows you better than that to ask you to accommodate this kind of request (even though that last bit was more like a demand). And yes, I do have children. I know a child that age would likely go to sleep. It's also my experience that this is not the Best Idea Ever. It's more adult and responsible, IMO, to find a sitter. She could call a mutual friend and ask what sitters they use, or if they could give the sitter extra money, and bring the baby over if it's short notice.

Theoretical or not, my answer doesn't change. And I just read again, and this is definitely an adult party. I'd have to tell her to stay home. I'm not about to change the mode of my party that I've probably been planning for weeks or longer, and likely already made arrangements for everyone else to be there - who are also expecting a grown folks' affair. That's just crazy. Oh, but she's a /good/ friend? Then she knows me pretty well, right? So she already knows how I roll, and she'll understand! "Talk you tomorrow, sweetie; we'll have lunch and catch up!"

Babies do not belong at adult parties, no matter how young or old they are. The loud music, loud talking, excessive drinking are not conducive to happy or sleeping babies.

I would explain that to the friend again & then suggest that they meet for lunch or dinner on another date.

I'm all for having babies. I'm all for having & going to adult parties. I do realize, however, that having a child means that you must be prepared to get a baby sitter. If you can't find a sitter, you'll just have to sit that particular party out & try to catch the next one.

Asia, you are my "evil" twin. That is, we think the same, you are just so much more outspoken than I ever am! Keep it real!

I don't think a "good friend" should feel obligated to make her own birthday party into a kiddie day care. A good friend, however, should get the hint when the hostess expressly says "no kids" and not insist on it.

In this situation, Pushy Mom is already being rude so I wouldn't feel bad about telling a white lie to close the subject: "I'm sorry, but I've already told other people that they can't bring their kids; it really wouldn't be fair to anyone. This is a grown-ups night, but if you'd like to take your kid to the park next week, I'd be happy to come along to spend time with both of you."

You're being polite yet firm, and offering a graceful alternative. Anyone who pushes the issue after that deserves to have their invitation revoked.

who doesn't have a family member or trusted friend who isn't in the same circle as her other friends who doesn't mind watching the baby for a little while. i hate having to watch where i place my drink or watch my mouth when i am at an adults only party but you got the one mommy who can't find a sitter but can't stand to sit this one out. i am so the fan of you know since this is an adult only affair how about we meet up at the mall and grab a bite to eat. I'm trying to get preggers now and i guess I'm lucky cuz i have a ma, sis, some aunties and cousins i would trust...maybe the mommy in mention has abused her "can you watch my baby" privileges with her go to sitters. Plus if you hang out with her and the the baby elsewhere she will get more face time with you. BTW stop worrying about her and have a happy birthday, you're a great friend otherwise this wouldn't bother you at all.

Well, you have a couple options. You can just flat out tell her you won't be comfortable with her child crawling around a bunch of drunks, you could try to set up a babysitter for her, possibly your parents would be willing to watch her child. Or, if you really want her there, just accept the fact that she now comes with a child, and set up an area for him to sleep. Personally, I'm one of the only in my group of friends without a child, so I'm used to going to friend's houses to hang out for the night, and there are 3 year olds running around.

I myself have 2 children but I still agree w/ the others who say leave the baby home. if she can't then maybe you could get together for coffee or lunch another day. it is inappropriate to have a baby at a party w/ drinking and loud music. not for for the birthday girl, the guests, or the baby.

also, people keep saying that the baby will be playing or sleeping in the other room.. playing in another room by himself? or will mom be in there, too, not out w/ the other guests? she would pretty much not be at the party at all in that case. where will the baby sleep? on the bed so he could roll off? or on the floor?? the baby sleep better and be safer sleeping in his own crib.

I guess I just don't get the logic in bringing a baby into a place that is not baby friendly...

I had this happen once. A good friend brought her almost one-year old baby to a party at my place. We had loud music, good food, drunk people, the works - great party! The kid woke up around eleven at night and mom brought the baby out. My fiance was appalled and couldn't enjoy his night because it was our apartment with drunk people and a kid out in the open. People do act differently knowing the kid is in the house. I think that the mother in this hypothetical situation should stay home. If you have a kid, you have to adjust your life. The kid can't go where you go all the time and you need to realize that. I hate it when moms bring their kids out, it sickens me. Get a babysitter or make alternate arrangements to catch up with said friend another day!