To honor Valentine's Day, I wanted to revisit this awesome E. Jean post that will be perfect for those of you who are big lingerie fans!
Dear E. Jean,
I have been wanting my husband to buy me lingerie since we have been together. Never once has that happened. I’ve done everything I can think of and have been frustrated that he hasn’t.
It has been ingrained in him for years that buying lingerie for your partner is wrong and will end in disaster. He has specifically directed me to interviews and statements by you, E. Jean. Below is part of one such interview you did on CNN:
CARROLL: “That's right. Do not give that lady lingerie because if YOU (the guy) like it, I guarantee she (the woman) won't. She gets that box, and says ‘how nice.’ But she's thinking in the back of her mind, ‘I'm going to open it up, it's going to be red net undies.’ And then when she sees it, she knows the guy expects her to put those on and cavort around like Janet Jackson at the halftime show. It is bad. No women likes that.
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN: So, don't give lingerie at all?
CARROLL: No.
O'BRIEN: Even though everyone thinks it's sexy, it's not sexy at all?
CARROLL: Nobody wants it. You pull out the pushup bra, your chest is up to here. It's horrible.
E. Jean! I’d like to say, speak for yourself, you do not speak for me and I know for a fact there are other women who adore knowing their partner will spend the time to shop and pick out something sexy, beautiful, and romantic that they would like to share with their partner in their intimacy. Your all-inclusive comments are inappropriate. How dare you suggest you would know what “all” women want? You make it harder for all the many that don’t fall into your bubble of an idea
— I Want Lingerie!
To see E. Jean's answer read more
My Darling,
I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
Not to mention dense, narrow-minded, pea-brained, and dumb. For although I think that men have to be out of their minds to even attempt to buy me that tasty, little crotch-free trick teddy with matching fingertip gloves, black-velvet wrist bows, and blindfold — and although the last thing I want to see in a box is pair of eerie fishnet underpants with their lewd little puckered-leg holes staring up at me — and although I have nothing but the most hideous memories of being presented with a fancy undergarment that when I put it on, cut off my circulation and made me look like I had bound myself with piano wires — you, madam, know what you want. And by god! We’re going to get it for you!
Show your husband this post IMMEDIATELY. I have something to say to him:
Hello there, sir! E. Jean, the-Heinous-Know-It-All here. Go buy your girl some lingerie! Better yet, go together. She’s a lovely, smart woman, and deserves the best! Happy Valentine’s Night to you both!
To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.
Evans
ha ha
1woot woot! I hope he makes up for lost time.
2just go buy the lingerie yourself and show it off for him... that's what i do, atleast this way u know it will fit and look good.
3smart men know what their women want especially regarding lingerie no matter what E. Jean or anyone else for that matter says is "the in thing"
4Good for her!!
5I love it when people can admit they were wrong!
E. Jean, be my valentine!
6hahaha I love this
7Ah, E. Jean, you're fantastic.
8haha-that's great! but why couldn't she have just bought the lingerie for herself and surprised him? And save him the possible embarrassment of getting her one that doesn't fit her well or isn't exactly her taste? or as E. Jean said, why don't you go shopping for it together? I'm sure that's one time the man won't mind waiting for you outside the dressing room.
9hahah you go girl!!!
10I second Pink_elephant's comment. There is just a fine line between tasteful and gaudy/raunchy. And you're going to either thrill the woman you're getting the lingerie for or insult her by buying something 3 sizes too small or something so bizarre that the recipient won't know what to do with it.
11I agree with pink_elephant. It's really hard to gauge sizes, especially in lingerie because it can be so damn specific. I think it would suck more to get lingerie that doesn't fit than none at all.
12Very funny! I have been casually dropping my underwear size to Mr. Bella for the last few months, but I do not think he has caught on. Even when I dragged him to the Nordstrom lingerie department and said, "Ooh! Isn't this PRETTY?!" he seemed oblivious. Which is fine, but I've always hoped to someday open a box and find some pretty things...
13LOL! So True ladies!
14That was hilarious. =P
15My ex forgot our anniversary and tried to "make it up to me" by coming home with the most hideous lingerie- I was pissed and insulted, how exactly is buying something that is obviously for HIS enjoyment making it up to me? (one of MANY reasons he is my ex)
To each their own obviously, and if my husband picked something tasteful for me, I think I would be more receptive than what my idiot ex picked out, but hubby perfers to buy me sparkly things from the jewelry store and he has excellent taste
16Hehe. I've suggested that my boyfriend buy me lingerie a million times, but has he ever? No. Why? Not sure. I'm in good shape, have nice parts, etc. Maybe he thinks it's a waste of $ because it'll come off so quickly? Ugh, men.
17Lol it does suck getting something that is too small! I'd much rather get jewelry than lingerie...or take him to La Perla and have him pay for it sounds good too. After all, he's going to enjoy it the most!
18Well, I have to brag that my hubby has very good taste in the lingerie department. Anytime he has purchased some for me, it has always been something that I would have picked out. It's also been the correct size! Although, I'm sure he would love to get some of those crazy crotchless things for me, he knows I would laugh once I see them!
E. Jean, you are a trooper. I happen to agree with your original statement, though. Most guys just don't get it!
Good luck to the original poster. If this doesn't work, take that boy to the best store & pick it out for him!
19Lol, great answer E. Jean. Though I would have to admit, unsolicited lingerie MIGHT be a bad idea. I'm a fan of those soft lingerie-style nighties at Victoria's Secret. Totally comfortable, but still hot on. My boyfriend seriously would buy a dominatrix-style outfit if left to his own devices, but likes what I buy when I have it on!
20lmao . . you called her out big time!
there is nothing wrong with wanting your man to buy sexy little things for you. I think he just used everything else as an excuse not to buy you lingerie.
i'm sorry, i rather my man buy me crotch-less panties and a whip cream(not my style), than to never buy me something so intimate at all. it's all about the thought. even if the size is wrong . . .
so what if he buys you a 36D and you're barely a C-cup. how the hell is HE suppose to know. most women in America can't buy the right bra size. how can we expect the guy, who buys their underwear in S-M-L-XL, to know about these things.
21i say let the man buy something. and if it's the wrong size, color, style, whatever, then you can smile lovingly, and make a trip back to the lingerie boutique TOGETHER.
and while you turn him on at Victoria's Secret with all the trying on and what-not, then you can con him into going just aross the way to Bed Bath & Beyond . . .to buy the nice comforter set that you want.
y'all better start workin' your jellies . . .
22Huh. I kind of feel like there is a communication problem here. Have you TOLD him outright that you want him to buy you lingerie? Because if you have and he's still waving around letters from experts advising against it, that suggests to me that he's afraid of making a mistake. Which, considering that most women buy THEMSELVES the wrong bra size, is a perfectly legitimate fear. Why don't you ease him into it by taking him with you once or twice so he can get an idea of your size and what you like? If you can (usually easier on quiet days in department stores than smaller stores like V'sS), you could even sneak him into the dressing room with you. I guarantee it will be the best shopping trip of his life.
If you haven't told him outright, then I don't really have much sympathy. If it's causing you that much frustration, why the hell are you still dancing around the issue? You married him, didn't you? You ought to be able to tell him what you want straight out.
23That's hilarious. I love getting lingerie, but when I say lingerie, I mean soemthing tasteful, pretty, and maybe a little sexy. Something you'd imagine a saucy Freanch or Italian woman wears. Not something you'd imagine a stripper wearing as she slides down a pole and lands on her patent-leather-platformed feet! Thank goodness my fiance has great taste!
24Here Here! I love lingerie!
25I could NOT be more turned off if a guy bought me lingerie on Valentines Day. I can't help but to think of all of the times I've been shopping at a lingerie store and seen a guy - or two or three - creeping around! It makes me so uncomfortable when they suddenly appear next to me at an underwear display or even worse when I look up and catch them staring at me or some other chick. I would DIE if I knew my boyfriend was one of those creeps - in a good relationship, the guy doesn't have to buy the lingerie, you should already have it ready for him.
26I think it depends where you are in a relationship, too. If I were dating a guy and his first gift was lingerie, I'd be like, Oh great, this is what I am to him... But when my boyfriend of four years gave me lingerie for the first time (after many thoughtful gifts from the previous years), I LOVED it. It was totally unexpected, and showed he still wanted us to be playful, romantic, and passionate.
That said, most men do have terrible taste... they pick out things a twelve year old would like, with rhinestones and colored lace. Echh. And it is difficult to get something flattering. I am in great shape but lingerie is hit or miss.
27i think buying a woman lingerie is dangerous territory because guys don't really know much about sizing besides bra sizes.
if anything, give your lady a victoria's secret gift card in a pretty pink package and maybe a little note saying it's for lingerie for you both to enjoy.
and while you're at it, maybe lay in bed on a lazy saturday and pick out things together.
my guy got me a VS gift card for christmas '06 and we picked out stuff together. and it wasn't even risque, it was just bras & bikini panties but they said cute things on them and since i don't usually read my own tush, they were for really for him.
plus, he knows i like to bargain hunt, so we waited until there was a sale, so the money was stretched even more...which is good because we're both poor college kids..
28Go together - it's more fun that way, and he can pick what he likes, and you can pick what fits, and he can pay! Voila, everyone's happy!
29It's a present for him too!
30i'm pretty sure this was LAST YEAR'S e jean too
31I think my boyfriend could do a good job picking out lingerie. Nobody buys me any shoes at all because I tend to be very picky about what I like. It usually turns into here's the money now go buy. But my boyfriend bought me some fabulous shoes for Christmas and I was surprised and ecstatic at the same time. I guess he could try to do lingerie but my boyfriend is smart enough to keep the receipt just in case.
32I'm more a fan of my guy coming along to buy it with me. That way, I get something that fits and I'll actually wear, and he gets a nice show - a la Victoria's Secret runway, but wayyy hotter
33i can see it now,my boyfriend would come home with a box for me (it would say some type of lingerie brand). i would open it up and nothing would be inside.
34now that's his type of "lingerie".
LOL!! my last two boyfriends were really into very sleazy lingerie, but my current one feels nervous buying it for me. I buy myself little "treats" now and then... usually a sheer babydoll or a silk chemise.
35I remember this post from last valentines day.
36I'd love lingere but be afraid it wouldn't fit. "oh honey this is so beautiful and sexy but oops it doesn't fit on my butt!"
37For all you Twilight fans. Do you remember the lingerie in book 4? So funny. Bella said "I didn’t know how or when, but someday, Alice was going to pay for this." And when Bella woke and saw her black lingerie in pieces on the floor. So hot.
38Yeah, I wouldn't want my guy to buy me lingerie because I would be afraid it wouldn't fit. I would much rather get an idea of what he likes and go out and buy it on my own. Going together is a good idea too.
39Have you considered the fact that he may be UNCOMFORTABLE buying you lingere in a store?
My fiance considered getting me some last year, but got into VS and saw another creepy older guy looking at panties and he didn't want to be that guy so he bought me a soft robe instead.
40Women make it too difficult for guys. If you know what you want, just tell them, it's really not that difficult if you're in a committed relationship based on trust!
Just put sticky notes on a Victoria's Secret catalog with the ones you like, circle your size - and leave it in his briefcase - and write the website on there too!
Seriously, I know lots of grown men who would be TRAUMATIZED walking into a store alone full of bras!
Oh, and I totally agree - what if he chooses something XXX rated and you're a good girl - then you're only going to get mad at him, which no guy wants...
41My fiance goes to Victoria's Secret to get me lingerie... the sales women there help him out, and he has a blast.. haha. You can't go wrong with Victoria's Secret! And if he's walking around with the saleswomen, then he won't feel like "that creepy guy" looking at the panties!
42I always think how it's so hilarious that Victoria's Secret is the only lingerie store where half of the visitors are MEN and they are drooling over the Angels blowup photographs holding their girlfriends's hands, who in turn are drooling over the lingerie they want to buy
43I think its probably best for you to pick out your own.
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