I think it's pretty normal to have intense crushes on other guys when you're still with your bf. I know..that you probably don't want to know/admit this, I'm sure he has crushes on other girls as well. Even imagine them sexually when he's cuddling with you or whatever (don't worry, he's not that dumb to admit this to you )

So it just means both of you're normal. Temptation will always be there for both of you, but your action is the important thing. Will you cheat on him if given the opportunity? Will you make a move on another man although you're in a committed relationship?

If you want to make out/have sex w/ other guys SO BADLY that you just HAVE TO, and you can't control yourself then I'd suggest you break up with him or 'take a break.' But be fair and let him know that you're planning on seeing other guys, so it's fair game for him too. He can see other girls too during the break.

Good luck.

PS.

It's funny that I'm suggesting a 'break' Since I've read so much on Group Therapy how bfs/fiancees asking for a 'break' and we assume immediately that the boys were about to 'play'...and we're usually telling the girls to realize that and probably drop the bf/fiancees since it's usually because those boys weren't too sure about their feeling..or wanting to have their cake and eat it too

I think that four years is plenty of time for you to decide if your boyfriend is the one for you . . .and he's not. Yes, breakups are hard. But in this case, you have to do what's fair to him. You say you're in love with him and all that, but I think you're just saying that because you think you should be in love with him.

A lot of women fall into the trap of "but he looks good on paper" and completely ignore their instincts when it comes to choosing a guy. It's time for you to move on.

I'm with the above Posters!!!! I was in a four year relationship and went through the same thing before I had the courage to break-up with him. So, just follow your heart and you'll know what to do in time - just be true to yourself!!! Good Luck!!!

Hi. I can totally relate to your situation. I was in your spot a few months ago. I too have been with my bf a long time and we both felt that maybe we might be missing something. You MUST talk to him about your feelings. Communication is key in any relationship and as the post above me mentioned, I am sure he has had similar thoughts at one time or another. I decided that the best thing to do was give us 3 days apart. It does not sound like a long time...but when you are in a relationship for four years, being apart with NO contact for 3 days feels like an eternity. During this time, I asked my bf to thoroughly think through the idea of taking a break as I would do the same.It was definitly a scary time because I was not only thinking of my wants but his as well. When it was all said and done, I felt that if we took a "break" things would not be better. I would feel like he felt that seeing what else was out there was worth risking loosing me and that was not ok. We would constantly wonder what the other person did when we were apart and I just felt it would really bring up too many new problems. So, if anything, we would break up. When we finally talked, we came to the conclusion that curiousty was not worth loosing one another. We love each other too much to sacrifice one another. Now, in some cases, this discussion could go the other way. If there is one thing I came away with, its that you MUST discuss your feelings and the rest will work itself out.

Hi. I can totally relate to your situation. I was in your spot a few months ago. I too have been with my bf a long time and we both felt that maybe we might be missing something. You MUST talk to him about your feelings. Communication is key in any relationship and as the post above me mentioned, I am sure he has had similar thoughts at one time or another. I decided that the best thing to do was give us 3 days apart. It does not sound like a long time...but when you are in a relationship for four years, being apart with NO contact for 3 days feels like an eternity. During this time, I asked my bf to thoroughly think through the idea of taking a break as I would do the same.It was definitly a scary time because I was not only thinking of my wants but his as well. When it was all said and done, I felt that if we took a "break" things would not be better. I would feel like he felt that seeing what else was out there was worth risking loosing me and that was not ok. We would constantly wonder what the other person did when we were apart and I just felt it would really bring up too many new problems. So, if anything, we would break up. When we finally talked, we came to the conclusion that curiousty was not worth loosing one another. We love each other too much to sacrifice one another. Now, in some cases, this discussion could go the other way. If there is one thing I came away with, its that you MUST discuss your feelings and the rest will work itself out.

You just don't know this man's WORTH. That's the only thing that's going on here. You claim how you love him and how he looks better and is better than the other men. Stop comparing him to other men that you have, once again, sexual chemistry for. Yeah I know you don't know these guys personally, but to be sexually attracted to someone, you don't have to! You also don't need a break you're just extremely comfortable with him. You're used to him waking up in the morning, drinking coffee and slurping every time he take a sip of joe, you're used to him doing the exact same sexual things.

so basically when you asked "Should I just ignore the temptation to be with someone else?", you're expressing the fact that you're used to your boyfriend a.k.a COMFORTABLE.

My solution to this is you stop regretting this man, because one day if you take one of these crushes on, you're going to be crying you eyes out to your EX wishing he'd just take your phone call. Too bad he'll be with a more understanding woman to love him for, that's right....HIM!

i don't think you can be "in love" with your best friend. you may love them, but "in love" is what always separated my friendships from my relationships. if you are still "in love" with him, then stay with him. But if you're not, if there is no longer any passion, then don't. Go with your gut.

Also, I don't understand what a "break" is. How is "taking a break to go sleep with people" any different from "breaking up with someone to go sleep with people"? please explain.

I agree with everyone...so I won't repeat anything. But in regards to TidalWave...I think that a break up means that you are NOT getting back together and that a "break" means that there is still the possibility of getting back together. That's what I've thought of it as, but I don't know for sure. I think taking breaks are silly....except with the above poster who didn't have contact for a few days I think that is a good idea...but is that considered a break? I don't know too complicated. Anyways hope that cleared things up a little bit!

short and sweet: you will have crushes for the rest of your life...but the grass isn't always greener on the other side...sometimes it's just green grass...

It's normal for passion to decrease over time to be replaced with companionate love. That is what occurs with long-term marriages, where the people just enjoy spending time together... for the rest of their lives. We really can't expect the passion to last forever.

Ask a couple that's been married for 20 years if the passion is still there. They might say yes, but what they probably mean, is "occasionally."

When I think of couples I know that are older and happy, they love each other dearly and are each other's best friends. They aren't still having passionate love affairs.

I don't know the right thing for you and your boyfriend. I do know that just because you are with someone it doesn't mean that there won't be someone else who comes along later who might make you think, hmmm.

Marriage is just a decision to forgo others out of love and respect for the person you're with. Marriage isn't happily ever after, I'll never love another etc.

You seem to be missing the excitement of a new relationship. Our whole society seems to be addicted to the rush of adrenaline instead of the slow burn of long-lasting love and satisfaction.

maybe a 3 day break like the above poster said would be a good idea.

I am engaged and often find myself attracted to other guys and check them out. It is normal to feel attracted to other people, you are human. I know what you mean about wanting to kiss someone new, I feel that way sometimes and I actually did kiss someone else one time at a bar, and I really regreted it, and felt guilty. It sounds like you're just bored and craving novelty. Maybe you need to have you and your man play dress up or act out some kinky fantasies to bring you closer. All relationships take work to keep the passion going. It just depends on if you want to put in the effort or not.

You know, my cousin took a 'break' from her boyfriend years ago, and at the time, I thought it was ridiculous, because they really got along so well.

They're now married, with two beautiful children, and very happy together.

It can work if you're doing it for the right reasons. Her reasons, though, was that she didn't know if she was ready to be seriously committed to someone. He was her first real boyfriend, after all - dated him since she was 16 (and he was damn 23! but I digress...).

Don't take a break just because you're feeling tempted by other men, though. Everyone has that sort of temptation; we just call it lust. Lust is usually not a good trade-off for love.