Recently, I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were planning on becoming parents someday, but this pregnancy was a total shock. We decided to keep the baby, however last week, I was having horrible cramps and I began to spot so I went to the hospital. It turned out that I miscarried, and even though our pregnancy was unplanned, my boyfriend and I are devastated. I've been feeling very emotional and I keep thinking about the life that my unborn baby would have had if I had birthed him or her. How can I get over this hurt and this feeling of betrayal?
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Labour Of Love
Del Gatto
Fred Perry
Oh, this is so sad.
I think that, although the pregnancy was unplanned, you already loved your unborn child.
Maybe you should look for profissional help, because it is really hard accepting a miscarriage.
There must be some online support groups too. It is good to talk to people that understand your sorrow.
If you have some friends that had a miscarriage, maybe you could talk to them about it.
My best wishes for you two.
1I miscarried 10 years ago and still think about it almost every day. My pregnancy was also unplanned and I was scared to death at the time.
Just day it one day at a time and don't be afraid to get into counseling if you can't deal on your own.
2People who go through miscarriages have to grieve. Just because it wasn't born yet doesn't mean you hadn't already started to think of it as your child, loving it, making plans, etc. A lot of people don't understand this. You've lost a child, and I think you need to take time to grieve the loss and I agree with Luisa above, please do not be afraid to seek therapy.
3Unfortunately I'm in the same situation as you. I miscarried my baby last week and my pregnancy was totally unplanned but unlike you my ex (the baby's father)and I weren't ready for a baby. We had discussed that if I ever got pregnant I would abort because at this time in our live we wouldn't be able to give that child a good life. I was a mess when I found out because even thought this baby was never going to be born it was still someone I loved and and we ended up spending the weekend together and talking about. It helps to know that you have someone there for you. I'm still grieving and I think I will for the rest of my life but I also remember that a miscarriage is something that you cant prevent as opposed to an abortion. Don't beat yourself up about it, there's really nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening. My advice is to spend as much time with your boyfriend and discuss what occurred with each other but DO NOT beat yourself up. I agree with Luisa, don't be afraid to seek therapy. I'm doing so right now and it is helping me so much. I wish you the Best.
4I'm sorry : ( But everything happens for a reason so take this as it is.. but it just wasn't the right time for you both.. Again i'm so sorry this happened.. that's horrible
5Everything you're feeling right now is completely justified and you have the right to be upset. However, don't sit around mourning the death so much that you don't get to experience the beauty of everything around you. A miscarriage is one of the worst things a woman can go through because you feel connected. Never blame yourself or feel guilt because things in life aren't predictable. I pray that you get through this and go on to make many beautiful babies one day. Take comfort in everyone around you.
6I am so sorry =( I think things happen for a reason. You have to take it one step you know? Maybe you should seek counseling for you and maybe your boyfriend as well. Good luck.
7This happened to a good friend of mine, and she was also really torn up about it. Her and her boyfriend joined a support group, which she said really helped them out. She also read quite a few books on the topic I believe.
I'm sorry for your loss...
8I am very sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately miscarriages are very common, but for some reason, women don't really talk about it. I didn't realize just how common until I had my first miscarriage (I have had 3 plus two little ones).
You do really have to mourn the loss, light candles in a church, or write down your feelings. It can help you work through everything. Most importantly, realize that you are not alone. Please turn to your boyfriend, instead of away from him; do not blame eachother.
If you aren't getting alittle better everyday, then you probably need to talk to someone about it. Most birthing centers have support groups and there are many groups online.
Please seek help if you need it.
9meumitsuki is right; you need a mourning period - a real one.
i have miscarried before; i felt betrayed by my body as well, and i felt that there was a part of myself that was somehow lessened by what happened. but there isn't anything you can do to prevent a spontaneous miscarriage, and it isn't your fault. you have to mourn, but you also need to find ways to comfort yourself, and remind yourself of that.
10I am very sorry for your loss. Know that maybe there was something wrong with the embryo, which made your body reject it. Your body also might be experiencing some physiological/hormonal issues because of suddenly not being pregnant which could contribute to your depression. I would consider seeking grief and loss counselling to explore your feelings.
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