I'm on the fence with this one.

Adam knows there's no relationship there,only sex and yet he thinks he should be offended? How dare he get "caught up". Like I blogged about before, there are rules to having a Friend With Benefits and one is to NOT get your feelings caught into it...Maybe Adam was about to make a transaction from just sex to a relationship?

This other guy Joe. What's up with him? DId he just have a bad argument with his girlfriend or wife before making dates to see you? Don't cry over this dog. He was just looking for another bone...

Just wisen up and realize men sometimes needs to be little boys before they can be men...

Well, I think your first mistake was answering a call from one guy you're dating while at the house of the other guy.

I don't understand how this is a should you be forgiven question...? The guy thinks your actions were pretty selfish and unclassy and he's decided he doesn't want to date you anymore. Are you asking whether we think he should keep dating you anyway? Of course not. Not if he doesn't want to. I'm confused.

P.S. I have no idea what the comment above me is talking about since you clearly stated that you both have feelings for each other but don't consider yourselves a couple. There's a lot of ground between FWB and coupledom.

"While we both have feelings for each other, our relationship is mostly physical, and we don't think of each other as a couple."

That what I'm referring to...

I'm sure you wouldn't have been thrilled if during your hookup Adam griped about some other girl he was dating...
It's not necessarily that Adam wanted to be more than FwB but I'm guessing when he is with you he doesn't wanna be thinking about other dudes.

They have what I thought most people knew of (clearly, today I was wrong). They have a sexual attraction with one another. she's basically confusing that feeling with an emotional bond. Which is something an actual couple has with one another.

How can the both of you have "feelings", but don't call each other a couple? Can you say sexual attraction?

I agree, Poster of a girl.

He's selfish and greedy. I bet you 9 times out of 10, he has other women around.... Some men kill me!

I say forgive, and since you seem like you've been really burned by this outcome, it sounds to me like this situation wasn't for you (casually dating, friends with benefits, whatever it was...I'm not entirely sure). Lesson learned - you probably want to take it one guy at a time from now on. But since it seemed like both guys knew about each other, it's fully forgiveable I think.

FWB should have no feelings attached but clearly there are some in this relationship you both have. That is a confusing situation. Casual dating, you call it? I guess my only gripe would be if you're with Adam, be with Adam at that moment. If you're with Joe, then, be with Joe at that moment. If Adam isn't bringing up to you any other women he may or may not be with, then you should do the same.

Not forgiven - Adam was right, you were being whiney and selfish. Stick to just dating one guy at a time and you'll find yourself with less problems.

It doesn't seem like you think your behavior was bad. If you realized what you did and were embarrassed by your actions, then I would be more inclined to forgive. But it seems like you think you did nothing wrong.... I realize it's not like you cheated on your husband, but it seems pretty insensitive to dump on him like that.

I voted forgive, but mostly because I believe that if two individuals are not in a relationship, but having sex, that they should be completely openminded and not take it personally and just assume that the other person is sleeping with other people. If you're not emotionally involved then you have NO right to get upset about your FwB being with other people.

My guess is that he didnt like having to think about the "other dude", just wanted in his mind to be blissfully oblivious, so he can feel studly for servicing you and being all you need. Girls do the same thing, all the time, its an issue of vanity. You should have just said, "Oh, I'm having an issue with a friend" and left it that, maybe cried, but NO details.

I had this EXACT thing happen to me once. Only the guy who was "there" when I received that phone call, reacted much differently. He knew we werent exclusive, so he didnt even dare try to get territorial. He just smiled and grabbed me up and said "Hey, that guy doesnt know what he's missing, chin up sweetie, guys are jerks." He told me later that seeing me cry like that made him realize he didnt want to ever see me cry again, even if it meant protecting me himself. We had an almost three year relationship after that moment. A mature guy reacts much differently to those situations, than your FwB did.

I think it was stupid for you to cry on one guy that youre seeing about another guy. I think its pretty understood that guys (even when you are just seeing each other casually, fwb, whatever) that they dont want to know about the other guys- and to cry on him that some other dude dumped you? I dont blame hime at all, how would that have made you feel- he probably thinks you are too much drama to hang around anymore.

LOVE some of the super judgemental comments on here. No wonder we barely have any interesting fodder for Group Therapy--everyone is so busy tearing the poster down for her own personal superiority complex, that no one genuinely gets any positive help.

You're NOT selfish for dating more than one guy at a time, but you should have had more discretion about revealing the nature of the phone call.

Since Adam's already made his decision, I guess the real question is how you feel about the situation/outcome, and whether or not you want to be in a situation again like this in the future. Forgive yourself, but also be honest with yourself about whether or not this strategy made you happy or brought you what you wanted.

Adam has a right to decide this relationship isn't right for him for any reason, especially if it's making him unhappy, so I don't think he's a bad guy for moving on. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong or broke the rules of your arrangement, but playing by the rules doesn't necessarily mean being thoughtful or sensitive.

One of the problems with sleeping around....it comes with the territory...now you know not to mix your guys next time!

trixiefire - I understand what you're saying, but to call this group therapy really is a misnomer from the beginning. Group therapy works because everyone is there to help the others see their flaws and become a better person. You get to know the others, you can call them out on their bs, etc. Here, I don't even know who's posting so I don't know how this fits with that person's overall personality. Also, I don't really know the other posters much either. Of course there are some that I see posting regularly, but for the most part, it's still an anonymous mass.

But any kind of therapy is supposed to get to the truth and not be the friend that always reassures you even when you mess up. I don't think the problem is telling someone that they're actions are f'ed up. I think the problem may be with the end goal - is the end goal to say the actions are f'ed up so the person will wake up and stop making excuses (or whatever is applicable)? Or is it to be judgmental? Maybe for some it's the latter, but I think for a lot it's the former, and I guess I don't think that's a bad thing.

woops, didn't realize this was under sunday confessional.. still.. same logic applies.

What confuses me is that you told Adam you were seeing another guy, but he didn't get upset until you had a problem. I don't know about anyone else, but that's not someone I'd want to be around period, whether I was in a purely-physical relationship or not. I don't see why you wouldn't be forgiven here since you really didn't do anything wrong; Adam seems like the one who took the situation over the edge, not you.

you & adam weren't dating, and he knew that you were seeing someone else. i don't think he should've gotten so mad--it's not like he wasn't aware of the other guy. and i would be upset too if a guy i really liked had called to break up with me. i think you should be forgiven.

I think it was in really bad taste to talk to Adam about Joe. And taking the phone call when you were with the other guy was a big no-no, too. I definitely forgive because you don't sound like you know any better, but moving forward, keep your guys separate.

I'm sure you wouldn't have been thrilled if during your hookup Adam griped about some other girl he was dating...
It's not necessarily that Adam wanted to be more than FwB but I'm guessing when he is with you he doesn't wanna be thinking about other dudes.

Exactly! But, strictly sexual relationships aren't what i would call, 'based on respect'. And some people think that because they don't respect themselves that somehow, treating someone else the same way is going to fly. Don't want to be treated like crap? don't you do it to begin with. As for you, figure out what it is that you want. Did you seriously expect a pat on the back? Please.

Trixiefire - I totally agree with you.

I think it's a shame that people attack the poster - in both Group Therapy and Sunday Confessional, and so on - because I think it being online makes people think they don't have to be held accountable for what they say. Would you be so judgemental to a total stranger, not knowing their situation and what potential damage that could cause them behind closed doors? It's potentially really hurtful to the person that sent the post in and is most likely reading all the attacking comments. I know I would never put myself up on this chopping block.

Whew, rant done now. Til next week.

Okay...Yes you do deserve it. The reason why I say that is bc u really should have come to an understanding with Adam before entering into a relationship with Joe, i.e, how open the relationship was,if he wanted to know about other partners, how much he was comfortable knowing etc. Just out of respect, and as you have stated that you had feelings for him I don't think it was too much for you to do.

If you had communicated better than you would have known to cry on his shoulder about another man was a definate no no. It sounds as if you wanted to keep both of them in your life...would they have agreeable to that, did you dicuss any of these things?

I vote forgive, becuase your heart is in the right place in the fact that you are trying to find someone that you really click with and not just settle with someone who is just into you physically. But please, never cry about one guy to another when you are seeing both! sheesh. Good news is that they are both gone and now you can start fresh!

Marci nailed it.

If you're gonna play the game girl, ya better learn to play it right.

Well, I vote Forgive, but yes, I agree w/ Marci that you need to keep your men separate next time.
Then again, your FWB may be searching for a way to break it off anyway since it's a pretty 'petty' reason to break off a sleeping arrangement. Or he's just easily freaked out.

Imagine how you would feel if he had brought up some other chic while you were with him... Even in a FWB situation you need to have some respect for the other person's feelings.

damn, you got dumped by both guys . . .

what's the common denominator here???

look, Joe didn't like you as much as you liked him, and Adam is a weenie-cake. And at the end of the day, you gave both of these guys, who have moved on to the next girl, some precious nook-nook.

1st- you need to date 1 guy at a time, because you seem to get all attached to these ppl who are glorified FWB.

2nd- don't answer your phone when you're at your FWB place. you would NOT like him to do the same.

3rd- don't go around telling folks about how you feel about something. everybody ain't Dr. Laura.

I'll forgive you, because you sound like you let your emotions run you. you also sound a bit thirsty, you know, that part about answering the phone because you were excited to hear from him. dude, you were at some OTHER guy's house getting ready to make the bed squeek, but you gonna answer the phone for another guy???

you sound a bit dingy ( or still young). so, i forgive.

get it together girl. if you're gonna do grown folks things, then you better handle them like one.

I'm with Asia except the forgive part.

Forgive, you made a mistake, and I feel like you're paying for it more then you should. We've all made stupid mistakes, don't beat yourself up about it.

No you shouldn't be forgiven! Even if the relationship was just sexual.. it was still sort of a relationship!

BOTH of her f*ck-buddies dumped her. . .i'm sorry, but that is funny as hell.

how do you get dumped by a FWB?!? LMAO.

I went through the same situation. forgive. your only human. why should adam be mad if you two werent exclusive and compfortable enough to have sex. it sounds like he may of liked you but you hadnt caught on. a guy i was seeing broke it off to me who i really liked. i talked to my FWB and he wasnt upset but thats because i knew he didnt want to be exclusive with me. it happens