I think that if you really think that he's inviting you in hope to get 'some' then, you can always suggest to go out somewhere else (dinner or dinner and a movie). Just say something along the line, "Hey, I heard this place (name of the restaurant) is really good and I've always wanted to go there, how about we go there instead?"

How do you show him that you're not only interested in sex? Easy. Just always be affectionate outside (in public) but no 'grinding' during the private time, and if you end up making out in private (at his place or yours), keep it short and keep it to just kissing, then send him on his way (or excuse yourself). And always tell him that you want to wait for awhile if he always asks to have sex with you. Take as long as you need (go out and get to know him) before jumping to bed with him.

Good luck to you.

Say no. I'd NEVER go on a first date to a guy's house. I bet he isn't even thinking of this as a date - he's just going to call it "hanging out" and hope he gets lucky, then move on when he feels like it because you were never officially dating.

No normal guy looking for a real relationship would expect a woman to come over on a first date. Trust me on this.

I'm sorry, if he invited you straight over for cocktails at his place, he may not be able to be in the mindset of not having sex with you. Sounds like a horndog at the least, and a jerk at the worst. I dont think he's looking for a relationship, period. And for tryign to get you into bed so fast...he doesnt deserve one anyway!

Don't go to his place for a first date. It is unsafe, and it could send him the message that first date sex is OK. Instead, just tell him that you'd rather go out. If he gives you a hard time, then you know exactly what he was looking for.

It's inappropriate for a first date, you have to meet at a neutral place. Change of venue or don't go.

Yeah, how well do you know him? Even if you know him a bit, from my experience some guys are trouble. You'll want to avoid putting yourself in a compromising position.

go on a first date somewhere OTHER than his place....such a wrong way to begin a new relationship, possibly.

no!!! say no!

Be careful...

Take the drinks, have a LITE conversation, flirt a little bit (without touching) and after the third drink say how you're ready to go home. Now, If he is trying to get you to do something, then its time to move on with someone else.

However, don't move on without him NOT being there. Look for another suiter while talking to him on the low. Also, keep your options open while talking to someone else. That's always the trick to getting over a guy (if he's not wanting to take it slow)!

Please don't go to his house for a first date. He may be on the up & up, he may be looking for six, or at worst, it could be a very dangerous situation for you. It's just not smart.

A previous boyfriend once asked me to his apartment for our first date. Later in the relationship, when I asked him why he would ever do that he replied, "I figured if you said yes to coming to my apartment, you would be willing to give me some right then." Needless to say, that was a very short term relationship & thank goodness I never gave it up to him, the weasel!

I'm not saying that all guys are like that, but it's just smarter not to put yourself into a possibly unsafe situation.

Good luck!

...looking for sex...not six!

If you don't know him well, a first date alone at his apartment with drinks = No. You can never be too safe around people who are practically strangers. If he's a bad guy, this would be the perfect setting for him to take advantage of you in his own home with nobody around who could help you. Meet for a date at a public place.

I agree - first date should be in a public pace, for your own safety. Any guy who doesn't get why is really clueless!

How well do you know him? If you know him well, I think this is okay. I would do what Almost Famous suggests.

If you don't know him well, I would decline that invitation, and suggest a public place.

Doesn't sound safe at all. Unless you've known him for years already.

I definitely agree with the majority here - don't go on a first date to his place. For a first date, unless he's doing something like making you dinner there really isn't any 'first date vibe'...it feels more like hanging out and seeing what happens.

Go somewhere else - less pressure!

Even if you know the guy for years, I still think there's always precautions to take. It's a little too early. I agree with the posters who suggest to change the venue. During my dating days, I made the mistake of going to a guy's house (after dinner, movie) due to my car being left there, although I wanted to just get in the car straightaway, he actually thought I'd sleep with him. So yeah, if you don't plan on having sex w/ him on the first date, just don't go to his house, it gives the 'greenlight' for him to pursue sleeping w/ you.

If he wants to do drinks on the first date, that's fine; just do it in a public place. The invitation to his place for drinks *definitely* is with sex in mind. I also agree with whoever said he's probably calling it hanging out. So don't even go there.

I also suggest you cut yourself off after ONE drink the first time out with ANYbody. Keep your wits about you.

Not going to his house on a first date does NOT make you a prude. It makes you SMART.

I doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

DO NOT go to a guys place for a first date!!! I don't care how long you've know him. He could justify that knowing you for years means you knew what he wanted. Your putting yourself in danger. Don't be so desperate to have a man that you start doing things that aren't safe. Either he mans up and takes you out and pays for a resectful neutral area or NO DATE. You have to have standards. Its that simple.

Lets just imagine that God forbid the worst was to happen if you go to his house. Here you are already admitting that you think he wants you to come over for sex. Don't do it! If he can't accept that you don't want to come over or tries to make up excuses dump his ass move on and find yourself a real man who doesn't want to put a woman in an environment where he can take advantage of her! As a matter of fact a good guy would totally uderstand that your not ok with this, so don't take any excuses.

Sketchy...your right. I think he totally wants to get some! Why don't you try suggesting an alternative like...'Oh there is this great new place in town that I really wanted to try, if you want to do that instead'. Or maybe a movie? Just be careful-

hellllll no.

First - no no no no. This is totally sketchy. Suggest somewhere else and if he pushes his place then drop him.

I have a question, following this same topic, now that I am back in the dating world after a 3 year relationship!

So I don't want to have sex with someone until I've been dating them at least a few months and until I know we're exclusive and been tested etc. - that's just me. But it's really weird to never go to someone's apartment for like 3 months, right? If I invite him to my place for drinks or coffee etc with the intention that we'll kiss or make out a little, do you think he'll be expecting sex too?

It's always awkward and I worry that I'm being a tease. I usually say, JUST for coffee with lots of emphasis on the "just," but some guys still misinterpret. Thoughts?

1st- this is not a formal date. this guy will never take you out to dinner, or the theatre, or even to the Superbowl. so, this is a red flag, unless you like being treated like salami meat in a Lunchables pack.

2nd- don't meet him at his house for the first date. girl, he'll have you locked up and you can't make a quick exit. Meet somewhere neutral, and drive separate cars for the first couple of dates.

3rd- i say don't even make out with this guy. he's a man. and he definately has sex in mind if he invites you to his place for this "date".

4th- wear a Tampon. this way, even if you do make out, and it feels soooo good, you can't let him do anything until you pull that tampon out. and you're not gonna pull it out in front of him.

this buys you time to think about what you are doing. you'll think, "well, damn, i don't want it to be about sex. and i really don't know him . . .maybe i should just go home".

I am not wading through the comments already made i am going to add my two cents:

My other half and I (We've been together for 2 1/2 yrs) met online.. Or first date was at my apartment.. I made it perfectly clear right off the bat that I was in no way shape or form interested in sex and we wouldn't be having sex.. I let other ppl know he was coming over and stuff for safety..

And it went awesome, it was the best date I ever had.. And now we're getting married

So just because it seems a bit smarmy.. It may not be - make sure you tell him what you're not up for and if he argues or makes negative remarks then he's not worth your time and don't go

hummmm proceed with caution

Why don't you just suggest going out to someplace neutral?

The girl's face in the picture is killlllling me. Hahahaha!

The girl's face in the picture is killlllling me. Hahahaha!

"My guess is he thinks he's going to get some." If you think that he is that kind of guy, then why are you going out with him and expecting something "real" to result? I don't find the idea of dinner at his place that bad, but the fact that the author THINKS he has bad motivations says a lot to me...

he definitely has sex on his mind. honestly, i think this guy is a sleazebag but there must be something great about him that keeps you attracted. i would say something like "actually, i've been dying to go to this bar/lounge...let's go for drinks there instead."

In most cases I would agree with the no house date for the first date rule!
I actually had a first date with my boyfriend of now two years at his house. It was nice because I could leave whenever I wanted to or If felt weird! we watched and movie and talked for hours. He didn't even try to hold my hand! A year later my boyfriend told me that he didn't have alot of money in his account at the time so it was a good way for us to hang out and get to know eachother without being physical ,We have been golden ever since. I would just be careful and feel the vibe he is giving .

Honestly, meeting at his house or yours is dangerous. I don't think it's safe.

he can do anything to you. ok, have a drink, wake up tomorrow morning sans knickers and have no recollection of last night.

or he could tie you up and burn you with cigarettes.

or he could just decide to cut you up and put you in little Ziplock sandwich bags and freeze you.

or he could rape you, and put you out on the street, crying and naked.

some of these seem far fetched, but you hear about some poor girl having this happen to them on the news everyday.

and as a rule, i don't let a guy know where I live until i know him fairly well. you can get a stalker like that.

just think about you saftey. there are some throwed-off people in the world.

One word: Sketchy.

Jesus....I seriously never thought about this stuff before. Very good advice Asia. It is totally sketchy, and I wouldn't do it now that I think about it except:

1) He's a chef or an aspiring chef and wants to impress you with his cooking. (Though only cocktails are mentioned here).

2) You've known him forever, and you're already friends to some degree.

3) I seriously wouldn't drink more than 1 drink, but maybe I'm just bad with alcohol, I only tend to drink in places I feel very safe because sometimes I will have 1 or 2 too many, and when you are in such a risky situation, that is definitely 1 too many!

Ugh this scares me! The only time a date at his house is acceptable is if you're 15 and his mom will be there serving you soda and popcorn! Sketchy sketchy sketchy!

In case you need to hear it again, no!!!!! Any guy would understand why drinks, alone at his house equals bad idea for a first date. He's testing you, rather quickly, to see how easy you'll give it up. If you are looking for a proper relationship, it will start with a proper date!

no way no how sister, and i think you can be totally up front: "i don't think each other's apartments are a good place for our first date, what do you think about x?" that way, he'll know how you're approaching this, and he can get out now if all he wants is the s-e-x. however, it might just pull him up and show him you're not that kind of girl, and that might interest him more. happened to me once!

asia 84--great points and commentary.

also, this picture cracks me up!