Let him know in one final e-mail that you can't be friends with him. Say "I'm sorry, but we can't be friends. I hope you understand."
Then:
Block his phone number.
Set your Myspace and Facebook to "private."
Remove him from your friends lists.
Block his e-mail address.

It's really that simple.

Then, rearrange your living room and bedroom. Rearrange your office/cubicle if you have one. Start wearing a new perfume. Go buy yourself a bunch of cute, sexy undies or other clothes. Change the ringtone on your phone. Revamp your iPod list. Join the gym. Take a weekend road trip with a friend, even if it's just to the next tiny town for coffee. Take lots of pictures and enlarge a couple for your house and office.

The key here is changing your environment 100%, so you're not surrounded by constant reminders of how it used to be. After a few months, start dating again. Ask friends to set you up or try online dating (trust me, everyone is doing it!)

Step away from the ex and no one gets hurt. He wants a break from all the relationship stuff that entails dealing with your feelings and emotions, but getting laid is okay. AND, HE gets upset with you that YOU get upset, so you back off. This guy is living the life, isn't he.

It's easy for me to say, but you have got to stop spending any time with your ex, especially any time spent in bed. STOP THAT! When he suggests any kind of get together, just say no. It's no different than saying no to the Twinkie. It's all about willpower, and you DO have that power within you. Don't give someone like this so much power over you. Why would you be willing to accept so little?

Take all of luisamapacha's tips to heart. Do each and every one of them. And cut off all contact with him, starting now.

You'll meet someone else who wants to be with you, but that won't happen as long as you're mooning and distracted over someone who *doesn't* want you. Hold your head up high and move on.

It's obvious he's going to marry you...

i rarely agree with what luisa says on these boards, but i believe she hit the nail this time. you need to completely stop your contact with him...IMMEDIATELY!!!! please, have some self respect, and don't continue to be entangled in this mess.
change your surroundings, and get out and DO things with other people...distract yourself until eventually there is nothing left to distract yourself from.

Its been said that we woman tie our emotions to sex. Surprisingly, some women can just stop talking to a man even after being with him for 5 years.

Why do you love being caught up like this?
This must be a common situation for you?
Just like when other woman are attracted to an abusive man!
next time he calls, come up with a reason for not seeing for a full week.
This should give you enough time to get yourself a life...

luisamapacha!!!!
You are too right!!!

Ditto on Luisamapacha.

I dated a guy for three years and the same thing happened. You really just need to sever all ties and find things that interest you. Be happy with yourself and keep yourself busy. Also, indulge in yourself and take care of yourself.

A GREAT book to read is "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" by the writers of "He's Just Not That Into You." It goes over a lot of great ways to make sure you treat yourself like you're number one and get this guy out of your life. This book got me through a lot of tough times and made me smile when I broke up with the guy.

If it didn't work the first time, there's probably a reason why it didn't. Be strong and remember that it's still a new year and a great time to be a better you...a you that doesn't need to be tied to someone else.

As difficult as it is, you need to cut ties. Tell him to leave you alone. It's really hard at first, but it gets easier.

I love luisamapacha's advice!

you broke up? who broke up with who? and why? you need to remember those things from time to time!

also, yes it is just sex for him.

also, "remain friends" DOES NOT MEAN RIGHT AWAY. you NEED A PERIOD OF NO CONTACT for a minimum of a month, but preferably more. You should not start doing "friend" things until you no longer are in love with him. and when i say "no contact" i mean it! nothing! no phone, no texts, no looking up his web profiles. it's hard. it sucks.

My boyfriend and I broke up for a few months a couple of years ago. He had fallen out of love with me - but hey, I hadn't (who gave him permission!!!??)

We kept in contact for weeks and weeks after that, and it was horrible because I kept throwing desperate loving gestures at him that would work for a day then die out in dramatic scenes of crying/hanging up/begging/anxiety attacks. I guess I was lucky we had been dating long distance, because if I'd been seeing him in person during that time, I may have just laid myself to die on the sidewalk. Looking back, I'm so embarrassed by the intensity of my affliction, and the crazy things I did to get him back (which never worked). After 2 - 3 months of that circus, I realized I WAS going to die of sorrow - so I cut all ties. I stopped responding to his emails. I blocked him on my phone, on my chats, ... etc. I forced myself to go out with friends (and I was NEVER in the mood, but I did it anyway), I quit my job, redesigned my apartment, colored my hair, lost some weight, and had wild raunchy sex with a hot 22 year old guy. There wasn't one minute I didn't think about my ex (and he was still trying to get in touch every now and then!), but little by little, even if my love for him didn't fade, my self-esteem and my life really started looking up.

Then I met an interesting guy, and so my ex boyfriend started feeling really far away. I missed him still, but it wasn't as painful anymore. And I loved my life, I was finally pushing to have the career I've always wanted, I had great friends, and I was taking huge steps in many good directions to be a better me.

That's when I finally took my ex's call. We've been back together for a year and a half now, and he's totally crazy about me, and we're very happy. But anyway, that's my happy ending, but it doesn't mean yours will happen the same way or that he's the guy for you; the point is - it takes time, a lot of time, when you really love someone, to stop hurting, and to start being able to cross them out. But that's how you rebuild yourself. You need to take care of you, your life, and your self-esteem, which is probably shot right now because that's what happens when someone you love leaves you. So follow LuisaMapacha's advice, she's right on. Pamper yourself - in a real, profound way. Look ahead at what YOU want, and define and establish all the things you want to be great at and accomplish. Just for you. Sooner or later, he'll be out of your heart's picture. Or... you'll feel so free and terrific that he'll roll himself on the floor, dying to be back with you. You'll just be so over him by then, though... too bad for him!!!

Good luck, and here's a quick hug for you. You'll be fine.

being with someone on-&-off is SO unhealthy for you....why would u do this to yourself? just stop. If you REALLY wanted to cut ties you would.

so until then....good luck.

Oh honey, we've all been there and I'm so sorry!!!!

I think luisamapacha gave some good advice.

I know you will feel like you don't have the energy to do all of it, but take it one day and one thing at a time, and you'll start recovering.

As you know, you aren't getting any better the way things are going right now so they can only go up from here!!

You can do it!

I know it's really tough, but you need to do it for yourself. My ex and I broke up less than a month ago, and he still wanted to be friends. We tried it for a week, but it hurt me too much to just be friends. It was really tough for me. The last thing I did after I told him we couldn't be friends was write him a closure e-mail. No contact is the only way I know I could get over the hurt and the pain. I am still grieving and mourning our relationship. I have been reading a lot of message boards about break-ups to get support. If you broke up, you broke up for a reason. Maybe one day you will get back together, but for now, focus on yourself...

okay first of all, there is NOTHING good about breaking up. It really sucks, no matter what side of the breakup you are on. I dated my boyfriend for 3 years and we broke up in April. I was the heart-breaker in this situation and i felt TERRIBLE. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. There is nothing worse than hurting the feelings of someone you love.

So, I thought i could still be friends with him. We still hung out and I would call him whenever I was feeling low (i know...that was really sh*tty). My only saving grace was that i did not/have not slept with him since the breakup. I knew that would make things leaps and bounds worse.

Finally, he manned up and told me he didn't want to see me anymore. It really struck a cord and made me realize what I was doing to this poor guy. I think this move was 100% necessary. YOU NEED TO CUT OFF THE SIGNIFCANT OTHER. It is the only way. It finally rung true to me that we were actually broken up. For a while i was second guessing myslef...thinking maybe i had made the biggest mistake of my life and blah blah blah.

But guess what? there are SO many guys out there that are going to love you and appreciate you for everything that you are. You don't want someone who is unsure if they want to be with you or not and you certainly don't want someone who is going to mess with your heart. So, I learned my lesson being on the other side and if i ever go through a sh*tty break-up like that again, i know the ONLY way to do it is to cut off communication. Maybe down the road a friendship will bloom. In my case, it has.

GOOD LUCK

i feel like i could have written this post 2 years ago- i've totally been in your position. and i think the reason we put outselves in that position is we don't want to get over them! cause we keep hoping they'll come back. but really we are better off moving on! take luisamapacha's advice! that is a lot of what i did when i finally cut ties- cold turkey is the only way! erase any contact info you have. and then force yourself to get out there! have friends introduce you to some new guys. i'm not saying you have to date right away, but even a cute boy flirting with you helps you begin to believe its all good. i remember i went out and got my hair cut and highlighted and went shopping and got a pedi and basically just girlied it up lol but i felt good about my self and that helped. its true, changing your routine and environment up a bit helps you not have so many memories tied to your daily routines! pick a new coffee place, restaurant, whatever it is that was your favorite with him and find a brand new one that is your new fav. good luck!

This post came at the perfect time. Thank you all for so much great advice. I am trying so hard to move on after my boyfriend of five years broke up with me two months ago, trying to do things for myself that make me happy. Cutting off all contact is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than walking a half marathon, harder than giving up smoking cold turkey.

From my own personal experience... GO COLD TURKEY.

Guess what? It's Keepin' It Real Friday!

You're weak to him. it's the truth, don't feel bad. you're not the first woman to be weak towards a man who is not good for her.

since you're weak, we're gonna have to take the chumpy way out;

change your cell #, and don't give him the new number. don't even save his number to your new phone. just erase it.

don't answer his emails. matter of fact, hit SPAM when you get them.

if you happen to run into him at Rite-Aid, or whatever, just hide behind the Cover Girl display.
*****************
he's gonna keep using you. like a condom . . oh wait, he does that too.

stop giving him nook-nook. stop doing things with him.

he doesn't love you. basically, he downgrade you from girlfriend to FWB.

you deserve better. you're worth more than a FWB. dump him completely, and move on. do it for yourself and all the starving babies in Cambodia.

good luck!

All jokes aside; this is a hard thing to do, but the best thing to do is to go cold turkey. or else you're gona keep getting used, and feeling like a busted septic tank.

if you can, take a trip next weekend. it doesn't have to be far. take you and your gal-pal(s) and just hang out. on Monday, you can start fresh (like New Years w/o the false diet).

Luisa is so right. I went through this with a friend of mine. She was borderline obsessed with this guy and he would go back and forth between wanting to tell her she was a stalker and then wanting to sleep with her, or hang out with her but she couldn't tell anyone they were back together. It was so painful just to watch! Bottom line is cutting the ties will hurt, but it will hurt you more to give yourself less than you deserve!!!!!!

I broke up with a boyfriend I was living with and it felt like the end of the world -- I had to move out, get new friends, still continue to function at work, etc. We had been really in love and he always said he wanted to marry me, until we stopped getting along, stopped having sex (so there was no ex-sex issue, thank God). I realized that actually worse than losing the man was the fact that I was 28 and now I would be hitting the dreaded 30 unmarried. But I am now 30, single, and I'm doing great. I'm telling you, being single is 1000 times better than being in a stressful relationship. So whether it's the guy or the fear of being alone, it's not the end of the world, I promise.

I've been through a similar situation, and you really need to move on. The only reason you still talk to him, and sleep with him, is because a part of you thinks there is hope you two might get back together. All this is doing, is keeping you from meeting other people, and experiencing new things. There is so much out there. You just need to find the strength to cut him out of your life. That's the only way you can move on. You need to keep yourself distracted by trying new things. Spend more time with your girlfriends. You don't have to rush back into the dating scene immediatley. It hurts right now, but time heals everything, and you ARE going to be okay. Just think of all the women that go though heartbreak every day. You're not alone. You need to block him out of your life. It's not going to be easy. But you need to do that in order to move on. No more sex. No more conversations. No more even seeing him. Store or even throw away anything he ever gave you, and try taking a vacation alone, or with you're friends.
Months from now, you might be with someone else, and you may even be able to be friends with him. But for now, it's YOU time.

You're giving him sex without a commitment, so why would you get back together.. he has everything he needs now!

I've been there girl, although I didn't continue on with the sex for that long. I would be curious to know who broke it off? Did he dump you? Because if that's the case, he is just using you for sex, and it doesn't sound like he really wants you back. If you want to be back with him, tell him that is what you want. If he doesn't want the same thing, end it then and there. You are only hurting yourself by still sleeping with him. You need to communicate with him and be very clear. If you want to be with him, tell him. He probably doesn't mind just having sex because, as the last girl said, he is getting what a lot of men want: sex but no commitment. Is he also seeing/sleeping with other women? How would it make you feel if he was? Be clear and upfront. Your emotional needs deserve to be met, and you need to respect yourself more. Go out lots and be with friends, do stuff for yourself and be selfish. The pain will get better, but if you continue to sleep with him, you will just be in a continous state of anguish.