Believe it or not, it's common for men and women to feel depressed after sex, even if it was awesomely mind blowing. So the next time you get it on and your partner turns away or doesn't want to participate in pillow talk, he's not just being an insensitive jerk. 
There's actually a real name for this condition. It's called post-coital tristesse (PCT). It comes from the Latin phrase post-coital and the French word tristesse, and it literally means "sadness." Many people who suffer from PCT will experience strong feelings of sorrow, anxiety, or uneasiness anywhere from immediately after sex to up to two hours later.
Why does this happen? It involves the hormone prolactin. Women have this hormone to make milk, but men have it, too. Your body creates it after an orgasm to counteract the release of dopamine, the hormone responsible for sexual arousal. So the prolactin is believed to cause these feelings of melancholy.
Why else might a person feel sad after sex? To find out read more
Sex is all about connecting with someone, and while the dopamine surging through your body makes you feel great while you're having sex, afterwards, reality might sink in. You may feel scared or nervous about commitment, so you may want to be alone, or get some emotional (and even physical) distance from the person you were just with. Sex also makes us say things in the heat of the moment, so while your loins made you say "I love you and want to have your children," later on that may not seem like such a good idea.
Have you or someone you've been with ever experienced sadness after sex? Tell me about it in the comment section below.
Azzaro
Matthew Williamson
Crave Maternity
A few times...but not with my current man
1No NEVER...At least not yet.
2Sure, I've felt that way at times.
3I have once before, but I don't think it was because of any chemical release in my body, I just think it was instant regret because of the person I was with.
4I have once before, but I don't think it was because of any chemical release in my body, I just think it was instant regret because of the person I was with.
5Sorry 'bout the double post. I only click it once, I swear!
6Hmmm...I have a little bit from time to time. Now I know why!
7OOH...I see...it happened to me for the 1st time the other day. I was sad, kind of angry and didnt know why.
good to know.
8This is funny...for me, it will be the day after. Say that my hubby and I do the deed at night. The next morning, I wake up and start nitpicking for a little bit...just really irritable. Not because of regret, but perhaps of feeling a little guarded? Soooo weird.
9happens to me from time to time.
10pooopy
once or twice, i kept thinking it was the position that caused the reaction. good to know that it's chemicals and not the guy.
11Occasionally ... and I thought it was just regret =)
12I'm so glad that this never happens to me!
13Wow. It's good to know it has a name. It has happened to me, but considering that I'm on depression medication--that's not my only problem right now. ^_^;;
14this has happened to me quite a few times, with the same man i've been dating for years. now i know why, and it's not because i'm crazy or overemotional!
15Not that I recall...
16never, oh actually i got angry when i didnt have an orgasm once..i swear i coulda punched someone HAHA
17Only if it wasn't good.
18Is anyone else getting a flashback to that scene in the first season of Desperate Housewives...? Bree (to all the guests at her elegant dinner party): "Rex cries after ejaculation."
19Hmm...never.
20This made me feel so much better. I had no idea why I felt like that.
21its like this withdrawn feeling... i've felt it a few times.. i think my adderall makes it worse though
22Yes, in the beginning, I cried often and still occassionally if it's been particularly intense. I think because it's so emotional for me. They aren't necessarily sad tears, just...like a well-up of emotion that I need to release and then I end up laughing at myself whilst crying.
23i had that too, but it wasn't directly after sex. it was the day after.
24i had to go to school, and i had to think about it.
it was my first time and the person i was with said "im not having sex for you, im having sex for me." and everything between him and me is sorta like a joke.i love him so much, im still wit him.
but, it made me extremely depressed only because of experiences I've had with molestation. i thin kit would be normal for somebody to have a problem with having sex if they have had experiences with that.
i don't regret it, i just wish it would have been more special.
and im really sad about it. i don't know what to do
Yeah...I've cried. Actually everytime my husband and I have sex I cry afterwards these last few weeks. He doesn't know I do that. I get really depressed and lately I have been thinking that maybe its because my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last almost 5 years and no luck and its highly likely I am infertile. I think that makes me depressed. Sometimes I feel frigid even....I can't O most of the time. BUt I really really love my husband and once in awhile I have an orgasm. I just don't know that he and I are sexually compatible sometimes. I don't know. Just a response I guess.
25I've had this problem. not so much depression but anxiety. The moment feels so good, then an hour later I feel the anxiety and a sadness. Its nice to know I'm not alone.
26Yes, the post-coital sadness... An interesting twist -- Perhaps I'm not alone?...
27I've been with my husband for awhile. He's a great guy, and excellent in bed. However, I tend to have a wandering eye and a restless heart, which I chalk up to being a passionate music artist. (He knows this and accepts me for who I am; after all, an artist needs her muses...) In any case, I've noticed that when I'm intimate with my husband and the thought of another guy pops up in my head -- whether I know I'll never be with him, or if I feel somewhat distanced, or even hurt, by him -- I tend to be quite sad after sex, no matter how amazing my husband -- and the sex -- both are...
Wonderful, wicked, tender sex and cuddling with my guy - it's fabulous. And yet I often feel like crying afterward. We work different hours and when he leaves the bed to shower and dress, even after incredible, satisfying intimacy, it's like being abandoned. I'm not a clingy or needy person. But that moment when our bodies part, and the mood shifts is often such a prelude to melancholy. Our sex is joyful, but so often the emotions afterward hurt. I wouldn't give it up, though.
28Yeah.. I have a serious issue.. My boyfriend lives in Cali, and I live in PA, and while he comes to see me every month, I still have this horrid feeling of sadness in me.. We have had sex once, and he swears to me he loves me with all his heart, he's even opened the idea of marriage to me and all.. I have had alot of really bad relationships in the past, they've left me what seems like perminantly scarred.. I don't know if the sadness/anxiety/depression is an effect from all of that, but I am worried sick my current bf could be just using me for sex, or is going to leave me some where along the line, even with what he says about loving me and marriage/engagement etc. I really don't know what to do, I love him just as much as he claims to love me, but I am extreamly paranoid about relationships now, and I don't know what to do.. Any suggestions..?
29I was actually reasearching the subject when I found this site. I suffer from depression, but for the most part I am able to keep it at bay. Unfortunatly after sex I get really sad and start feeling trapped in my realtionship. I love my husband and usually have no problems, but for some reason after sex I feel tremendous sadness and start thinking about other men. At least I know it is chemical and I can look forward to it going away.
30I have this almost every time. I just had this happen thats why I just looked it up. It starts out where I feel this feeling of hopelessness, scared, and of course overwhelming sadness. This feeling started when I was very young. About 7. I remember when my mother would 'tickel' me on my thigh very close to my private parts I would get this feeling. And if I think about this feeling it pops up. It always seems to start in my stomach. I know thats odd but thats what it feels like. Now it happens almost every time I have sex. I love my boyfriend and he thinks its always sometime he did. When this happens, mostly with sex, its either during or after. There are times where im fine. But its rare. I either want to get away from him as fast as possible or I start balling my eyes out. My mind turns to things about rape victoms; either heard on the news or something from a book that I have read. I have no idea why. Not always but it has a few times and thats when I tend to cry the most. I dont ever remember being raped but I have shared my feelings with someone who has and it was the exact same thing she experiences. I have shared this with my boyfriend and he knows that this is something that goes deep. I dont know what to do. I hate to hurt him like this but I cant stop this. I need help. Please if you have anything to say please dont hesitate. I could use anything I can get. Thanks
31I get this feeling sometimes during or after sex. It doesn't happen A LOT, but, it is pretty common. It is the OVERWHELMING sadness that even if you fight to control, the tears pretty much come anyway. I have only had this problem for about two years now, I've only had sex with one person in those past two years and I love him with all of my heart. (We'll be getting married soon.) I just don't really understand how I could get so overwhelmingly sad after even the best sex with the best man in the universe? I've thrown many reasons and theories around, but, none of them seem to fit. I wish it would just go away, because I feel like it makes him feel so inadequate when that isn't the case at all. Grrrrr.
32After sex i feel sad or guilty and i want to be alone. How sad i feel also depends on the person. i dont know why though. and i think i fell guilty partly cause i dont love the ones ive had sex with.
33yeah I get this at times too, in fact i have it right now! I think it has something to do with low self-esteem. I feel like i wasn't very good and I'm paranoid my boyfriend was thinking of other girls/ things he has seen. I feel embarrassed. like he wouldn't fancy me.
34Didn't really have sex but we were really intimate yesterday for the first time and I feel very abandoned right now. Totally hate this feeling.
35This unfortunately seems to happen to me a lot. I do not even have to have an orgasm to feel this way. As soon as we are done and some times even before we are done I get this very sad feeling and I sometimes even cry. There is generally no specific reason however it makes me wonder if I have a mental issue related to sex or the fact that my husband and I can not have children, my weight, my self image, etc... There has to be a reason I just wish I knew what it was. I am just glad to know that I am not the only one.
36I've been getting this recently after intensely pleasurable sessions with my girlfriend. It's reassuring to hear that others get it too and that it may have a physiological explanation. I've wondered, too, whether the sadness isn't related to the thought that no matter great the sex is, it still doesn't lead to happiness and still is just sex. But I have other reasons to be sad nowadays, so maybe it's due to the underlying sadness coming to the fore.
BTW, I notice that I'm one of the only guys to report this here. Is it because guys don't visit this site? Because guys don't talk about it?
37I get this about 96% of the time! I have read the comments and most people seem to get it sometimes. Is it normal for me to get it all the time? I just feel really sad n upset and i just want to curel up in a ball but i dont mind if my boyfriend cuddles me. Do i have PCT? Or is it another issue?
38this happens to me every time. its depressing and makes me feel like i cannot live a normal sex life. :/
39Sex can be amazing but the whole dopamine vs. prolactin is something to definately watch out for. If I have sex ~once a day, I feel good, energetic, happier, etc. Twice a day on average starts to make me depressed, and 3 or 4 times a day for more than a week leaves me in the sh*tter. While it might feel amazing to do it for 9 hours straight, the depressing effects of a cumulative 60 hour week can knock you right on your ass. Just be sure you know what's ahead.. And yes, this is a guy speaking so it happens to males as well.
40I just had sex for the first time last night. I'm 18.
The whole night was pretty awesome...and I do have very strong feelings for the guy and I know I have some emotional attachment to him (but I'm scared to call it 'love')...he was very gentle and all and it didn't hurt (other than my hip joints aching pretty badly after a while). It felt pretty good but I didn't orgasm the first time...(yes we used a condom)
After he was finished he didnt want to do anything else but go to sleep...wouldnt even take care of what he started. After he fell asleep it felt like it took forever for me to fall asleep too...I was sad and annoyed at the same time. And then my little jiminy cricket piped up and i knew I shouldnt have done it. I cried a little and I felt very sad.
This morning was a little better, it felt better and it was kinda sweet, but I'm still kinda sad...not as much sad as...iffy? I dunno...but I guess it's a normal thing.
41sometimes after me and my dude have really great sex, and its usally if I cum really intensley I have these wierd anxiety attacks the other night I had the worst anxiety attack ive ever had i started to cry uncontrollably I was awake but so tired it was like a flood gate of emotion was rushing through my body, it made me feel embarassed cause I was aware of the feeling but was unable to control myself and it made me more upset it was almost like a glimpse of temporary insanity and it was the worst feeling ever. I'm very conserd why is it so intense espeically after really good sex? i dont want it to keep happeneing is there any thing I can do to lessen this
42I've never had sex, but i often feel like this after second or third base.
43When I went overseas in 2008 with a tour-group I had my first real gay experience. Basically there was a person there in the tour-group with whom I decided to have oral sex with after he invited me to do so on night at a hotel we were staying in, to which I agreed to in a single moment of unfounded lust. And so we did it, and afterwards I just decided to step outside and have a walk around in the hall, but I felt so pathetic and "used" in a way (even though it was I who agreed and wanted to do it at the time) and it still makes me shake my head at myself today even though it was over a year ago.
I do remember the next morning waking up (in another room becasue I had changed rooms to the one I origionally was in with the guy I did it with) and feeling very ashamed, and I had a diary there (which I still have now) in which I was supposed to be recording the events of my overseas holiday... yet within it were drawings of depressing images, such as a picture of tree without leaves surrounded by script such as "It cannot grow..." and "The birds don't sing..." and other phrasings, large melodramatic chants and pictures of death, despair, depression, hopelessness, shame and a myriad of other emotions which my heart was deciding to pour out at that time into my holiday-diary.
When I look at that diary now (which my mother discovered, and of which we talked for a long while) I just remeber how filthy I felt all that time ago, and it really is a thing that haunts me to this day. I have learned to accept it as a mistake of the past, trying to move on, but every so often it returns to my mind, and as I said, I shake my head.
44I feel intense sadness and guilt after every orgasm...I don't feel like I want to have sex any more. I can't tell if it is connected to something that might have happened to me or if it is a chemical thing...its effecting my life and it feels abnormal. I know theres a way to move past it...if anyone has suggestion, I will keep reading about different possibilities but I'd like to hear from anyone who has an idea.
45I have had sex twice, with the same guy. we aren't dating or anything. I had fun and don't regret it but the days after both times, I'm in a weird mood and don't want to talk to anyone. I feel really depressed which is weird because I am a very happy outgoing talkative person.
46This happens to me too, best bet is to stay abstinent for as long as possible. I get a crazy/hyper feeling almost immediately in the back of my head, anxiety headaches, than mild depression afterwards for a few days. It used to be a lot worse, abstinence can help a lot with dealing with this, as it has helped me I am probably twice as better than last year.
47I am also a male (comment posted above)
This is also called post orgasmic illness syndrome
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